


Please don't

by Catherine17



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Disappointment, First Time, M/M, Moving On, Slow Build, Teaching, Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-05 11:05:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 48,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12793245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catherine17/pseuds/Catherine17
Summary: Louis Tomlinson, fresh out of uni, starts working as an English teacher in London. When he meets his new colleagues, he sees he'll be working together with Harry Styles. He falls in love the moment they meet. It's a real shame that Harry's engaged to his perfect blonde girlfriend though. Louis will have to suck it up, and be professional.Yeah, he's like, the best professional ever!Featuring a fun bunch of teachers: PE by Liam Payne, Maths by Eleanor Calder, French by Cheryl and Steve Aoki, and lots more!





	1. Chapter 1

**6 MONTHS AGO**

 

“So, congratulations on the new job! We’re really excited you are joining our teaching team,” the headmaster said, shaking Louis’ hands. “If you can just wait for a few minutes, I’m going to introduce you to Lou, she’s our HR-lady, and she’ll need to open up a file on you. Nothing bad, but if she doesn’t, you won’t get paid.”

 

“Great.” Louis answered. The headmaster smiled at him, and left the meeting room they had been sitting in for Louis’ interview.

 

Yeah, so, here he was. Louis Tomlinson. Graduated in June at the University of Manchester. Tommo, as most of his friends called him, had quite the reputation at uni. Big party animal while studying, and proud member of the Students’ Union. Known for his impressive drinking skills, his superb dancing skills, and, last but not least, his incredible seducing skills.

 

Now, just a mere two months later, his entire life had been turned upside down. He had moved to London, moved in with his best friend Niall Horan, and now he had his first teaching gig. He was going to teach English to the pupils of the Chelsea Academy. It seemed as if he’d become an adult in just two months’ time, you know, moving in with a friend and getting a job.

 

On the one hand, he was extremely pleased with himself, about getting a job so quickly. Everyone he had studied with was currently searching, and he had to be one of the few lucky ones to get a teaching position so rapidly. Being a teacher had always been his dream, ever since his own geography teacher had told him he’d never amount to anything. That day, he’d vowed to become a teacher one day and do better. Inspire his pupils. Support them. Encourage them. So yeah, getting that job just two months after graduating was basically a dream come true.

 

On the other hand, it would have been nice to _not_ get started working immediately. You know, just slowly accepting that you’re no longer a student and all that. Not having to get up early every morning. Not having responsibilities just yet. However, he was Louis Tomlinson, and he had superb people skills. So, he’d wrapped the headmaster around his little finger in no time, and about fifteen minutes into the job interview, he’d gotten the position. And obviously, having a job would have its perks. Money.

 

Louis saw a beautiful lady walking in, long blond-greyish hair, and albeit slightly older, she looked incredibly hip.

 

“Hi, my name is Lou Teasdale,” she started, reaching out her hand to Louis. “I’m the HR-lady of the school. Welcome aboard! Could you please follow me into my office?”

 

And so, fifteen minutes later, she’d taken care of him like a pro, making sure he’d gotten everything he needed. Louis had given his own bank details so he’d get paid at the end of the month, and further on he’d just received lots of different things that apparently all belonged to the essential-teacher-kit. He’d gotten a key card to enter every building, a code to use the copy machine, a log-in to the school’s online platform, special markers to write upon the whiteboards, and the course books his pupils would be using.

 

“So, that’s everything I guess,” Lou paused, and shrugged. “If you’d like, I could introduce you to some of your colleagues? I mean, our official first staff meeting is tomorrow, but some of the teachers are preparing the first day of school already.”

 

“Uhm, sure?” Louis said. He didn’t want to come across as impolite, but he had been at the school already for more than 2 hours. He just wanted to go home now, since the meeting tomorrow would start at 8 o’clock.

 

“Then you’ll already know a few faces, and that’s just easier. You know, tomorrow, during the staff meeting there’s going to be 80 people you’ve never met.”

 

“Yeah, you’re right. Sounds like a plan.” Louis agreed, and he really did. He wasn’t particularly looking forward to the meeting, being the only newby in a team of 80 people, and maybe this might indeed make it a bit easier.

 

_Please, let them be young. Let them be cool. Let them not have grey hair. Let me like them. Let them like me._

 

Lou and Louis walked through a long hallway, passing several classrooms. When he saw those classrooms, it hit him. He was going to teach. He was going to be the one standing in front of those whiteboards. He was going to be the one to do the talking. He was going to be a teacher, starting next week. So so weird.

 

Lou opened the door, and Louis saw three young people sitting together, huddled at a desk.

 

“Hey guys, this is the new English teacher for year 8, 9, and 10. His name is Louis. Could you, like, give him a warm welcome since he’s new? He seems like great material for your group. Introduce yourself, yeah?” Lou asked, and Louis was a bit offended that she was talking about him as if he wasn’t there. She turned towards him, and whispered “These are the young and fun teachers. Make sure to become friends with these guys. The rest of the lot can be quite boring sometimes.”

 

Louis chuckled, and nodded. He looked at the three teachers, all three looking back at him right now, smiling broadly as if Louis was a stray cat. Awkward.

 

“Hi, my name is Eleanor Calder. Call me El. I teach mathematics in year 7 and 8.” Eleanor was quite pretty, no denying that.

 

“Hi, I’m Liam Payne. I teach PE in year 7, 8, and 9.” He seemed to be the perfect bloke to teach PE. Very muscular obviously, and wearing joggers.

 

“And I’m Harry Styles. I teach English as well, but only in year 8 and 9. You’ve got those two courses as well, so we’re going to be working together then,” The Most Beautiful Man On Earth said.

 

_Oh dear God. Chill out brain. Not the place, or the time to be thinking stuff like that._

 

“Hi guys,” Louis started, but didn’t really know how to continue since Lou had already mentioned what he was going to be teaching. “Nice to meet you.”

 

“Come on in, and tell us a bit about yourself,” Liam demanded, albeit in the friendliest way possible.

 

“Uhm, well, I just finished uni in June. I’m 25 though, because I took a gap year, and I had to retake a year in secondary school. From Doncaster originally. I love Green Day and footie.” Louis raised his shoulders, implying he didn’t know what else to say.

 

“Cool! So you’re the newbie, yet you’re older than me!” Most Beautiful Man On Earth grinned.

 

_No wait, Harry. His name was Harry._

 

“Yeah, Harry’s our prodigy over here,” El gently slapped him on the shoulder. “He skipped a year in primary, and he was hired last year, making him 24. Liam and I considered him our little pet project.”

 

“Hey,” Harry protested, voice all whiney.

 

“You excited?” Liam asked. “You know, you’re officially a teacher now!”

 

“Well, yes and no. I mean, it’s great that I’ve gotten a job so quickly. However, that means student life is like, really over, isn’t it? That’s just so weird.” Louis answered honestly, and as soon as he had said it, he regretted it. These were teachers, and they might not take it in the best way that he wasn’t all that excited about his new job.

 

“Yeah, I get that.” Eleanor said. “Being a student is just so awesome.”

 

“Best time of my life indeed.” Louis agreed, grinning, and the three of them all nodded. They surely must have had a wonderful while they were at uni as well.

 

“Totally. So quirky that you can be a student in June, and a teacher in September. I mean, just switching the roles that quickly, it messes with your head, doesn’t it?” Liam offered, and all three of them nodded again.

 

“We totally get it. Don’t worry, it’s not because you’re going to be an adult now, you know, working, and teaching, that you can’t have fun anymore. Trust me.” Harry said, and he winked at Louis.

 

“No?” Louis asked, confused. This was so weird. He had met these people five minutes ago, and they were already convincing him that teaching was not serious?

 

“Preparing lessons can be boring. But if you do it together, it can be fun.” Eleanor stated.

 

“Correcting exams is usually super boring. But if you do it together, it is so much fun!” Liam pitched in.

 

“And if you correct exams and turn it into a drinking game, it’s totally hilarious!” Eleanor said.

 

“Sitting in the teachers’ lounge listening to the old teachers complaining about today’s youth can be boring. But, if you do it together, it is totally awesome.” Harry added.

 

“Waw, you guys should totally make a commercial to convince people to become teachers. The teacher deficit would be gone in no time,” Louis chuckled, and the others smiled at his remark.

 

_Haha. They smiled. They must like me at least a bit._

 

“You know, if you really loved student life that much, you can see teaching as a new chapter. This is the chapter where you are making money. Not just from a student’s job, but like,  real decent pay check.” Eleanor said.

 

“Yeah, I’m definitely looking forward to that.” And indeed, that was the god’s honest truth. His student years had been awesome, but the constant lack of money was the only disadvantage. At the end of each month, Niall, Oli and Louis would always put all of their money together to see what type of food they could afford, so they could still have some money left to go out.

 

“So, you know, tomorrow’s the official staff meeting, which is like the official start of the year. We’re meeting ten minutes earlier in this classroom.” Liam said.

 

“Okay…” Louis replied, not understanding what he had to do with that. Was it an invitation? Was is a statement?

 

“Yeah, because, everyone gathers at the assembly room, but it’s just so crowded, and everyone starts telling holiday stories as if they haven’t seen each other in years, and you know, they’ll just ignore newcomers because they’re all busy catching up.”

 

“Right.” He still did not understand.

 

“So, if you want to, you can go and join the other 76 teachers in the assembly hall, standing there in between a group of total strangers, or you can come here and walk to the assembly room with us.”

 

They were inviting him to walk to the assembly hall with him. So he wouldn’t have to go alone. To walk together with the cool gang, if you will.

 

_How very secondary school indeed._

 

“I feel like I’m in Mean Girls.” Louis said, immediately regretting that, because that could be seen as an insult. He did not know these people well enough for jokes like these. He did not know if he crossed a line by saying that.

 

“As long as you don’t start feeding me nutrition bars, I’m down with that,” Harry chuckled.

 

Yeah, okay. Obviously they had his type of humour. Great. And also, wow. A dimple. He truly was The Most Beautiful Man On Earth.

 

“No, I’m guessing Camille wouldn’t appreciate it if her fiancé got fat just months before the wedding,” Eleanor said.

 

Camille. Fiancé. So, the Most Beautiful Man On Earth was off limits. Like, way off limits. So far off limits the limit wasn’t even visible anymore.

 

“Harry here is getting married in six months. If you turn out to be a fun colleague, you might be invited to be wedding.” Liam said, and he patted Harry on the back. The latter was blushing, and Louis could do nothing but stare.

 

“That’s totally not relevant right now Liam. But thanks for ruining my news. I hope you’re going to let me tell my other colleagues about our engagement myself?” Harry asked, and he was giving Liam his meanest stare. He still looked like a cute hedgehog, but he was clearly trying.

 

“Yeah, sorry about that. I still think El brought it up though.”

 

“She did that, didn’t she?” Harry said, focussing his evil look on her. She just shrugged, and pointed at Louis.

 

“Let’s not give him the impression that we’re a bunch of six-year-olds, right?”

 

Yeah, well. That ship had sailed. But, since Louis mentally was a six-year-old himself, that wasn’t so bad now.

 

“So Louis, if you want to meet up with us, you can. If you don’t, that’s fine as well. We’ll just see you in the assembly hall then,” Eleanor continued.

 

“Yeah, no, I mean, sure.” Louis said.

 

_Smooth and eloquent as ever._

 

“Hey Louis, what are you doing after the meeting?” Harry asked. “Since we’re both going to be teaching the same course, we should sit down together to discuss how we’re going to approach the first term.”

 

“How we’re going to approach the first term?” Louis repeated. Approach? 

 

“I mean, divide the work load a bit. Who prepares a PowerPoint presentation about which part, who makes which test, dividing the lesson plans, and all that jazz. There’s no need to do everything yourself.”

 

“Oh. I,” Louis started, but he got cut off.

 

“Look, I know this is your first year, so you probably think that every teacher just does all the work alone, but that is totally not the case. We’re teaching the same course, in the same year. Two minds are better than one, right?” Harry asked, giving him puppy eyes.

 

“Jeez Styles, are you actually begging him to work together? You hated working together with Misses Swift last year! You did everything yourself!” Liam said, voice filled with unbelief.

 

“Hey… I tried, but she was a mean old snake. I’m so glad she retired. I mean, I really tried to work together with her, but all of her ideas were just so boring. So very boring. Like, multiply boring by a thousand boring ideas, and that’s how boring she was.”

 

“As boring as your explanation then.” Eleanor remarked.

 

She was a sarcastic one, Eleanor. Louis liked her already.

 

“Don’t be mean El,” Harry pouted. “I just had to do everything by myself, you know, tests, presentations, exams, the lot. And I know from last year, that starting out as a teacher can be a bit overwhelming. So, working together is a win-win, no?”

 

“Well, a win-win does sound good indeed.” Louis admitted.

 

“Right. So, tomorrow we’ll get some coffee when the staff meeting is over, and we’ll take a look at the first chapters in the course book together, and plan the first few weeks of the schoolyear. Sound good?”

 

That did sound good indeed. Coffee with Harry. However, it wasn’t a date or anything, but still. Coffee with Harry, to prepare their lessons.

 

“You’re on. I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” Louis said, as he walked out of the classroom. “Thanks for the heads up about the staff meeting.”

 

“No worries mate. Welcome in the team.” Liam said, and both he and Eleanor put their hand up to wave him goodbye.

 

Harry, however, winked at him.

 

“Oh no,” Louis said to himself when he stood alone in the hallway, “that is so inconvenient.” He finally understood what the prime minister in Love Actually had meant.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**TODAY**

 

 

Liam, Eleanor and Louis are standing in the hallway of Niall and Louis’ flat. All three of them, dressed up. All three of them with a look of concern on their faces.

 

“Look Liam, you can ask me about a hundred times more, I’m not coming to the wedding.” Louis says, even though he is dressed up as well. Liam looks at him as if he is talking Portuguese.

 

“I don’t understand. He’s your best mate. He’d be devastated if you weren’t there. Louis, come on.”

 

“Liam, trust me. I can’t,” Louis nearly whispers.

 

“But this day is going to be wicked Louis! It’s Harry’s bloody wedding!  We’ve been waiting for today for ages. Tonight’s party is going to be brilliant!”

 

Louis doesn’t say anything this time, but just slowly shakes his head.

 

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” Eleanor asks, but it sounds more like a revelation than a question.

 

The hallway is quiet. The only noise is the telly on the background, where Niall is playing Fifa.

 

_Eleanor knows. No use in denying it anymore then._

 

“Yeah.” Louis admits, and gives the two of them a small smile.

 

“What? In love? With Harry? But he’s not…?”

 

“Gay? Trust me, I know.” Louis interrupts him.

 

“Are you sure about that?” Eleanor asks.

 

“Pretty much, yeah. I mean, he’s going to marry Camille in a few hours. They have been together for about three years. Before that he dated, Kendall, no?

 

“Yeah, but that doesn’t prove his straight, does it?” Eleanor remarks.

 

“Where are you going with this?” Louis asks. He’s so nervous. El means well, giving him a bit of hope, but she shouldn’t. There is no hope.

 

“What the hell are you talking about?” Liam asks, staring at the both of them. “You, in love with Harry? And you, not sure he’s straight? You better start talking right now.”

 

“My confession is pretty easy. You know that day Lou introduced me to the three of you, the day before the staff meeting? I think I fell in love with him then. As soon as he opened his mouth and said his name. That very moment.”

 

“Love at first sight?” El coos, looking at him dreamily.

 

“Yeah… I’ve known from that day that nothing would happen between us, obviously, but you know, it’s not always easy to be in love with someone you see that often. You guys know that we are constantly working together. I mean, he teaches in the classroom next to me. He always waits for me to walk to the teachers’ lounge. We have two weekly meetings for our courses. We’re in the same monthly subject meeting. We walk to the same tube station. He waits for me there in the morning with a cup of tea for crying out loud. I can’t escape him. And I don’t really want to. It’s just that… It’s impossible for me to fall out of love with him, not as long as I’m working here.”

 

“Oh Louis,” El whispers.

 

“I can’t watch him marry some blonde perfect girl. I just… I can’t. Please understand.”

 

“Louis, I had no idea,” Liam says, voice rough, “but I’m so sorry mate.”

 

The hallway goes quiet again.

 

“Look,” Eleanor starts, “I just want to get something of my chest. Let me talk for about two minutes. If you guys think I’m mistaken, I’ll never mention it again. But let me say something first.”

 

“Sure.” Louis says.

 

“Promise. Promise you won’t interrupt me. I know the two of you.” El says, voice all serious, although there’s a hint of a smile on her face.

 

“Pinky promise El.” Louis stretches out his finger, and El takes it, just as she takes Liam’s one in her other hand. Three grown-up, mature, adult teachers, acting like a kids.

 

_What else is new, really?_

 

“First topic, Camille. Last week, we had her hen’s night. There, she mentioned after a few drinks that it had been a couple of weeks since she and Harry had sex. She also revealed that Harry didn’t propose to her, but she proposed to Harry.”

 

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean…” Liam starts

 

“Sssstt! What did I ask you to do! Shut up for a minute, will you!” El pinches Liam’s shoulder, and he gestures for her to cut it out.

 

“Don’t be such a baby Liam. Anyway, as I was saying… We rarely see Harry and Camille together that often, so I had never really noticed before. But, we started the hen’s night with a brunch, and Harry stopped by to say hello. You know, very friendly and all, and it was set-up by Camille’s best friend, but the way those two looked at each other didn’t really scream love and marriage.” El stops, and takes a step closer to Louis.

 

“Have you seen the way he looks at you Louis? He looks at you as if you were made out of diamonds. He looks at you with a constant smile, a dreamy face. He looks at you as if you are the sun. He doesn’t look at her that way. I’ve seen it.”

 

“That is true,” Liam agrees. El just pinches him again, and sticks out her tongue.

 

“I’m not finished yet. So, this year, we often went out together. Parties, bars, and so. You, as the handsome gay man you are, regularly picked up one-night-stands.”

 

Louis just grins, and Liam nods his head as if he’s proud of Louis for picking up that many men. El turns her head, focussing on Liam know.

 

“Did you ever notice, that Harry never stayed longer than ten minutes as soon as Louis had left with a guy. Never. Not a single time. He always went home a few minutes later.”

 

Liam seems to be pondering this topic, looking all serious while he has his finger placed upon his chin.

 

“Yeah… Now that you mention it. That is true indeed.” Liam mumbles. “Never thought about it before though.”

 

“And yeah, as you said yourself, you cannot avoid him. Because he’s practically stalking you. He always waits for you, he always finds a way to make sure that the two of you have to work together. Last year, he hated working together. And this year, he seems to be aiming for the Nobel Prize of best team player.”

 

Louis takes a moment to let it all sink in. All of El’s statements are just things that prove Harry really likes him. As a friend. None of the examples, however, make him gay. Or make him love Louis. Or in love with Louis.

 

“Look, I know that none of these things really scream that he’s gay,” El admits, “but I think he might be.”

 

“I was just thinking the same thing. None of these things make him gay.” Louis says.

 

“Yeah, I agree,” Liam offers.

 

“Have you ever noticed something? That he might be into men? That he might be into you?” El asks.

 

“I never really allowed myself to think about him like that, because, you know, he is engaged.”

 

“I get that. Self-preservation and all that.”

 

“Yes, I also don’t want to make someone cheat.”

 

“That’s so sweet Louis. But, all’s fair in love in war. So, anything worth mentioning?”

 

“Well… there have been a few moments, a few cases that made me think, made me hope for a second that he might be interested. However, usually he would act all distant the next day, and then I would just try to forget about it.” Louis shrugs.

 

“Really? Louis, come on! That’s like, a super big deal!” El shouts, and she takes Louis’ hand.

 

“Hold your horses love. All these things are like, super small examples. Really small. Like, tiny. He’s never made any grand gestures or anything.”

 

“Tiny or small or grand, that doesn’t matter. We still have got about 45 minutes before we really need to leave. Tell us. Tell us everything.”

 

Both Liam’s and El’s face are filled with a hopeful look. Louis does not really understand why, but there it is. His two friends seem hopeful about his story.

 

“Yeah, we’re going to sit down, and you’re going to tell us every tiny thing Harry did to make you feel that way. And when you’re done, we’ll tell you if we think you were right.” Liam says, and he steps back into the flat. “Look, we’re going to sit down for this. I mean, this is huge.”

 

“Yeah, this is huge. Oh my god Louis. Start talking now!” El practically screams as the three of them walk into the living room.

 

“Oi teachers,” Niall says when he spots them, “I thought you had a wedding to attend?”

 

“They know I’m in love with Harry. I’m just quickly going to tell them everything that happened between us.” Louis explains, smiling meekly.

 

“Quickly. Ha!” Niall laughs. “No way that’s going to be quick. I’ve listened to Louis’ stories about Harry all schoolyear long. There’s just too many stories.”

 

“Really? He knows?” Liam asks, with a hint of jealousy in his voice. “I thought we were your friends too.”

 

“There’s no time for that type of drama Liam.” El states as she pinches his shoulder. “Now, as for you, you better start talking. We’re here for you love. Talk.”

 

And so Louis starts talking, about all of these tiny little hints Harry has given him. All of those tiny little things Harry has done in those six months, to keep Louis hooked. All of those tiny beautiful words Harry has spoken to him, drawing Louis in. Each time, Louis had briefly wondered if Harry was gay. Each time, he’d wondered why the two of them were together. Each time, he’d seen the screenshot picture of Harry and Camille on Harry’s mobile, and he’d tucked the memory away.

 

But this time, he starts talking. He tells them every memory. Memory after memory after memory.

 

 

 

 

\----

 

At the end of September, the weather was still absolutely wonderful. The sun had been shining all day long, and the temperature had risen above 20 degrees. Quite rare for London city at the end of summer.

 

Louis loved the sun, but he had also noticed that his pupils did too. All day long they had been whining and asking him to go outside. He’d declined, obviously, since he did not want to seem unprofessional. After all, it was only his fourth week of teaching. So, the sun had looked magnificent, but Louis had stayed indoors.

 

At lunch time, Harry was waiting by his classroom door.

 

“Any plans for lunch?”

 

“I brought some sandwiches,” Louis said, and he raised his lunchbox. Look what an awesome adult he was, preparing his lunch in the early mornings, and staying indoors to teach. He was nailing this adult life.

 

“Not what I meant. I mean, do you want to go somewhere or something?”

 

Harry was asking him to go out and eat? Was he getting this correctly? And here he was, waving with his lunchbox like some moron.

 

“Well, I’ve got my sandwiches. I made the effort to get up five minutes earlier to prepare those, and therefore I shall eat them Styles,” Louis stated fiercely. “No way I’ve gotten up for nothing.”

 

“Again, not what I meant,” Harry chuckled, “although kudos on your devotion to your sandwiches. What I mean is, do you want to leave school and go to the park nearby to eat lunch there? The sun is shining, and I’d really love to enjoy it.”

 

“Oh my God Harry, that sounds great! The sun looks so appealing indeed,” Louis said, while searching his keys to lock up.

 

“It does, doesn’t it?”

 

“Yup. Are we allowed to go out for lunch?” Louis asked, as he locked his classroom door.

 

“We’re allowed to do whatever we want. We’re teachers Louis. As long as we’re back two minutes before the next period begins, we’re all good.”

“God, I love being a teacher,” Louis smiled.

 

“And I love Indian summers,” Harry added.

 

“Yugh. Don’t go all Instagram inspirational quote on me, Harry.”

 

“But it’s Fri-yay!” Harry said, voice all innocent, although he had a huge grin on his face. Yeah, that had to be the cutest thing Louis had ever seen.

 

 

 

They walked to a bench near the river, just half a mile away from the school. Still in the middle of London, but also nice and quiet. It was a small green area, filled with some trees and flowers.

 

“Wow, this is a really lovely place,” Louis said, as Harry sat and opened up his lunchbox.

 

“Yeah, it’s no Primrose Hill, but it’s within walking distance, so it will do,” Harry shrugged.

 

“Primrose Hill?” Louis asked, as he took his own sandwiches. He loved what they were doing. Harry and Louis, sitting on a bench at the river, eating their lunch together. It was so ordinary, yet it felt extraordinary to Louis. Harry had the tendency to make him feel that way.

 

“Yeah, you’ve never been?”

 

“Nope. Enlighten me.”

 

“Well, it’s my favourite place in London. It’s got it all… I mean, it’s a hill, obviously, but it’s at the end of Regent’s Park, which is my favourite park. And, if you’re sitting on top of the hill, you’ve got the most beautiful view on London. You can see all the landmarks, like the Big Ben and the weird thing they created for the Olympics.”

 

“Sounds good indeed,” Louis nodded.

 

“And, last but not least, on top of the hill, there’s a quote by William Blake, since he wrote a poem in which he included Primrose Hill.”

 

“Willliam Blake. I should know this, he’s a famous one,” Louis took his time, taking another bite from his sandwich. William Blake. He should know indeed, since he was an English teacher, and he had studied English literature at university. “Wait, is it the one who wrote that poem about the tiger?”

 

As soon as he had finished his question, he knew his answer was correct, because Harry’s smile appeared, and it had never looked so beautiful.

 

“Yeah. A beautiful poem. But, most of all, a beautiful hill,” Harry said.

 

And a beautiful Harry, Louis thought.

 

“I’ll take you there once, if you want to,” Harry offered, although there was a hint of insecurity in his voice.

 

“Sounds great! I haven’t seen as much from London as I’d like to since I moved here, so that would be great,” Louis confessed. And yeah, it really was. He had always thought that moving to London would mean he’d see all the magnificent places, cosy squares, and historical buildings. Somehow, it hadn’t happened quite yet.

 

“Alright. Let’s make it happen,” Harry smiled, and Louis couldn’t help but smile as well. Irresistible, that’s what he was.

 

\-------

 

 

In October, the teachers of Chelsea Academy went on a teachers’ weekend. Louis did not intend on going, mostly because he didn’t know most of the colleagues just yet. However, Harry had insisted he’d join them, saying it was only for the young and fun teachers, and that he wasn't allowed to miss it if he wanted to blind it. Basically, there was just no saying no to Harry. 

  
Harry had been right though, the only teachers there were indeed all young and fun. The group of 12 teachers was a great group, and Louis seemed to fit right in. It felt like he had known these people for a lot longer than just one month.

 

Liam had roomed with Harry, obviously. Louis considered it to be normal. He roomed with Steve Aoki, their colleague who taught French. Steve was just an overall fun guy, and Louis thought he was hilarious.

 

Steve had rented the house, which was just a one-hour drive from London, but completely in the middle of nowhere. He organised several activities throughout the entire weekend to keep everyone occupied. They went on an adventure trail, played board games, and cooked together while doing a movie and music quiz.

 

On Friday evening, Louis was talking to Steve and a couple of other colleagues. Harry, Liam, El and Nick, another colleague, were playing ping-pong. All of the sudden, Louis felt someone tapping his shoulder and he turned around. He looked straight into Harry’s beautiful green eyes. He sat down next to Louis.

 

“Hey there, English colleague,” Harry said.

 

“Hey there, English colleague,” Louis repeated.

 

“Having a good time?”

 

“Yeah. I mean, we won at footie, and I came in second with the movie and music quiz.”

 

“Well well well, look who’s all competitive.” Harry remarked, and bumped his shoulder against Louis’.

 

“Well, I guess if you lose everything there’s no point in being competitive, is there?” Louis replied. Harry had lost indeed. He was a giraffe when he was playing football, and he knew all of the songs of the music quiz, but he was always too slow, taking his time to carefully consider his answer. Louis had thought it was absolutely adorable. Probably because he wasn’t in Louis’ team.

 

“Who do you think is the most handsome guy in the room?” Harry asked. He looked across the room, as if he were thinking about his question as well.

 

Louis thought it was obvious who was the most handsome guy in the room. After all, the Most Beautiful Man On Earth was sitting next to him.

 

_No way he was going to say that though._

 

“Difficult question. There are some fine specimen in the room,” Louis declared. Yeah, no. Harry. Harry was definitely the finest one of them all. However, that was just not an answer that Louis was going to spell out. Harry probably wanted to hear Louis pick him, probably came fishing for some compliments. Not going to happen.

 

“Lots of fine specimen indeed,” Harry chuckled.

 

“I think Liam. He’s quite fit,” Louis paused, taking another look at the rest of the guys. “Yeah, I pick Liam.”

 

“I pick you,” Harry said. Then, immediately, he held up his bottle of beer. “Cheers! Enjoy the rest of your evening.”

 

Louis raised his glass as well, they toasted, and Harry walked off quickly, back to the ping-pong table group. Louis joined Steve’s group’s conversation again as if nothing had happened.

 

And really, nothing worth mentioning had happened anyway.

 

 

\-------

 

It was 8 o’clock, and Louis walked out of the tube station, on his way to school. At the exit, he spotted Harry.

 

As soon as Harry saw Louis, a grin appeared on his face, and he put a coffee cup in the air.

 

“Good morning colleague,” Louis started, “is this a welcome wagon?”

 

“Hiyah Louis. I got you a cup of tea, if that’s okay?” Harry asked, a bit insecure.

 

“God, that’s more than okay. That’s great. You just made my day!” Louis said happily, as he accepted the cup.

 

“A cup of tea and I made your day? Wow, you sure are easy,” Harry smiled.

 

“You’ve got no idea Styles,” Louis replied, and it was the absolute truth. When it came to Harry, Louis was super easy. Harry could ask him to kill everyone he loved and blow up the entire world in return for a kiss, and Louis would do it. That’s how easy he was.

 

However, Harry did not need to know that, obviously.

 

“So, today we’ve got that literature class, right?”

 

“Yeah, we’re doing The Great Gatsby today. Fitzgerald baby, I’m so excited!” Louis really was super excited. The Great Gatsby was one of his favourites books, and he had been looking forward to teaching about all weekend. He’d made the presentation they were going to use, and he’d made the test they’d take next week.

 

“Your PowerPoint mentioned some symbolical references, like the green light in the novel, and I think I get them, but can you explain them once again? I mean, I’d like to be well prepared for my class today.” Harry explained, taking a sip from his tea. “Fitzgerald isn’t really my cup of tea you know. I’m more of a romantic fiction kind of guy.”

 

“There’s romance in The Great Gatsby,” Louis sputtered.

 

“But no happy endings though. I mean, all the love stories are like, sad.”

 

“Eloquent Styles. Please don’t use that line in class,” Louis said, sarcastically but fond as well. “I’ll explain it once more, no worries. You don’t have to bring me tea to convince me to explain something, you know. We’re colleagues, right?”

 

“Yeah, well, I wanted to. Give and take, colleague.”

 

“Give and take,” Louis agreed, and he happily started explaining the symbolical references in The Great Gatsby again. Harry listened, obviously interested, to every single world Louis said as they walked to school together.

 

Harry Styles, his colleague who brought him tea to ask him to explain his favourite novel. Really. This was just too good to be true. How was he supposed to not fall in love with him?

 

\----------

 

On Friday, when school was out, Harry was waiting for Louis at the door of his classroom.

 

“Want to get a drink to celebrate the start of the weekend? El and Liam are coming as well,” Harry said. Louis didn’t really have any plans besides getting drink with Niall, but that wasn’t supposed to happen at four o’clock just yet. So yeah, he definitely had time.

 

“Sure,” Louis replied.

 

“Cool. We usually play a music quiz, you okay with that?”

 

“I love that! What type?”

 

“Well, I sing a line from a song, and you sing the next line. If you get it right, you get a point. For every five points you score, the others have to buy you a drink,” Harry explained, smiling. He clearly loved the quiz system they had.

 

“Styles, if you want to get me drunk, you can just say so, you know,” Louis joked.

 

“I’m not. I mean, that’s not what I’m…” Harry stuttered, and Louis found it absolutely endearing that he thought that Louis meant that.

 

“Just kidding. No, I’d love to play. Give me an example, will you? Not for points, just to see if I get it.”

 

Harry nodded, and took a deep breath. He started singing: “Am I the only, only believer…”

 

Louis immediately recognized the song, and started singing along loudly. “There’s something happening here, there’s something happening here, I hope you feel what I’m feeling too!”

 

“You know that song? Brilliant!” Harry exclaimed.

 

“Yeah, well, one of the perks of growing up in a house filled with sisters, is that you know every One Direction song by heart.” Louis admitted. “And, to be honest, I really liked their two last albums.”

 

“Four and Made in the A.M? Oh my God, so do I! Such a coincidence! So, which song was it then?” Harry asked, big smile on his face.

 

“Girl Almighty.”

 

“More like, Louis Almighty. I can’t believe you know that one!” Harry said, all enthusiastic. Louis always thought Harry was beautiful, but that smile… That smile made him happy. It was that simple. He’d made Harry smile, and he felt happy because of that.

 

“And I can’t believe you just called me Louis Almighty. Jeez Styles, you’re better than that,” Louis said, but his voice was filled with warmth and pure fondness for Harry. Harry’s taste in music was apparently similar to his. Another match. Awesome.

 

“Trust me, I’m really not,” Harry chuckled, and he started singing again. “I’d get down, I’d get down, I’d get down on my knees for you…”

 

Louis knew these were the next lines from where he stopped singing, but he couldn’t help but think of the wonderful innuendo it offered… Harry down on his knees for him? Yeah, he could totally work with that.

 

Louis Pervert Almighty.

 

 

\--------

 

 

“Niall, what am I going to do? I’ve been working there for like, a few weeks, and I’m so in love. How am I going to get past this?”

 

“Oh, you’re going to whine about Harry again? Goody!” Niall said cheerily, as he joined Louis in the couch. He handed Louis a bottle of beer, and sipped his own. “Really, it’s been at least like, two days, since we talked about Harry.”

 

“I’m serious Niall! This is my first job, and I love the teaching, and I want to do a good job. But all I can think about is Harry.” Louis confessed. He took a sip from the bottle, and Niall nodded seriously.

 

“Tell him then,” Niall offered, as if it was the easiest solution in the world.

 

“I can’t. I mean, he’s my direct colleague. We have to work together a lot, and we see each other every day. He’s engaged, so he’ll reject me anyway. And then it’ll be awkward for the rest of the year. I don’t want that.”

 

“Fine. Don’t tell him then.” Niall shrugged.

 

“But. I think he’s... He’s. I mean, Harry is… How to explain this. You know, he’s like,” Louis stopped.

 

“… capable of finishing his sentences? That’s alright a nice treat.” Niall chuckled. “I really appreciate friends who can do that.”

 

“Oh fuck you Horan.” Louis said, but the humour in his voice betrayed that he wasn’t mad at all.

 

“So, enlighten me then. What are you trying to say?”

 

“I know he’s engaged. I know he’s straight. I know he’s with Camilla. But, sometimes, I get the impression that he might like me.”

 

“Of course he likes you. Everybody likes you, you cute little munchkin,” Niall said, and he pinched Louis’ cheek.

 

“Oh shut up, I’m trying to have a real conversation here, you nitwit.”

 

“Yeah, well, I did not sign up for that. I thought we were just going to watch a bit of footie, drink some beers, and order pizza. Relationship talk was not on my agenda.”

 

“Niall, I don’t know who else to talk to about this. I can’t really tell Liam or Eleanor now, can I?”

 

“Maybe you should tell Harry?” Niall offered, smile all angelic, and Louis pinched his cheek.

 

“You still had that one coming.”

 

“I did, didn’t I?” Niall said, and he sipped his beer again. “Look, if you really think he might like you, then he’s got to take the initiative. He can’t expect you to seduce him, I mean, he’s engaged for fuck’s sake.”

 

“That’s your advice? Wait for him to make a move?”

 

“Yes. And in the meantime, be your own fucking awesome sexy self.”

 

“Well, that I can do,” Louis chuckled.

 

“I mean it. You’re in love, and that’s great and all, but at the end of the day, isn’t it your job that matters more? You just started working, and this is a dream job. Focus on that.”

 

“Focus,” Louis repeated.

 

“Yeah, focus. Focus on the classes you’ve got to teach. Focus on your tests. Do not focus on Harry. It’s just a crush. It’ll pass.”

 

“You might be right, you know.”

 

“Of course I’m right. I’m Irish. Irish people are always right.”

 

“God, you’re so full of yourself!” Louis smiled.

 

“Not full enough though,” Niall said as he took his phone. “Let’s order some pizza.”

 

\--------

 

“So, that’s it for today. I expect you all to impress me with great results on our test next class. Prepare kiddos, prepare and study!” Louis said, and the pupils nodded with bored faces. They quickly got up, and Louis started clearing his desk.

 

When all the students were gone, Harry entered the classroom. He had his coat on, and the keys in his hand. There was one master key for all the classrooms in this hallway, and so Harry and Louis basically used the same one. Louis was always forgetting where he had put his one, and Harry had noticed. Lately, he’d wait at Louis’ door, keys in his hand, ready to lock the door of Louis’ classroom as well.

 

So helpful. So sweet.

 

“Hiyah colleague,” he said, waving his key.

 

“Hi Harry,” Louis replied, as he turned off the computer and the beamer.

 

“Good day?”

 

“Well, I had a spelling class, so I thought it was super cool. However, my students weren’t all that impressed. Most of them do not see the point in spelling correctly.”

 

“Not all of them, right? I mean, I usually have a few ones who are interested in spelling.”

 

“Likewise. I’ve got Lena and Kate, and they’re the two grammar Nazis of this class. They were all like ‘spelling is super important. If a guy texts me with a spelling mistake, I won’t reply’. The lads in the classroom all looked pretty miserable after hearing that, since the two ladies are pretty popular,” Louis chuckled. It had been quite entertaining to see that there were indeed a few students who had taken the spelling class rather seriously.

 

“I get that. If Camille texts me ‘your’ when it should be ‘you’re’, I get extremely pissed and just do not reply.” Harry stated sincerely.

 

“Oh dear God. Your and you’re? That’s like, a gigantic grammar crime. Sure you want to marry this girl?” Louis asked, voice mock serious.

 

“Yeah no,” Harry paused, as he locked the door. “There’s a new Stephen Frears film playing, did you see the trailer yet?”

 

Apparently talking about Camille was not something that Harry wanted to do with Louis. He wasn’t going to complain, and jumped right into the film conversation.

 

 

\-------

 

In November, there was a teachers’ meeting organised on a Thursday after school. It started as soon as school ended, and it would last for two hours.

 

Louis really had no idea what to expect, and he walked to the assembly hall as soon as his class was over. He was the first one to arrive. The headmaster was setting up his PowerPoint, and smiled when he saw Louis.

 

“Hi Louis, you deserve the gold medal today, as you can see,” the headmaster said.

 

“Yeah, apparently I do,” Louis said nervously. He didn’t really know what to do. He was the only one there, and it seemed rude to take a seat all the way in the back. He’d only been working there for a couple of months, and he still needed to make a good impression.

 

“How is the teaching going?”

 

“Well, really great actually. I mean, the kids are brilliant, and it’s just so much fun. The course is very interesting, and we’ve done some cool things to teach literature.”

 

“Yeah, Harry told me the two of you were a dream team to work together,” the headmaster smiled. “It’s nice to hear that you fit in so well.”

 

So, Harry had been talking to the headmaster about him? That was … unexpected? Weird? Friendly? Creepy? Flattering? Louis couldn’t really decide.

 

“Thanks sir. It’s easy to fit in here. Everyone’s so friendly,” Louis admitted, and that was the absolute truth. From day one, his new colleagues had been nothing but kind to him.

 

“Yo Tomlinson, come and take a seat with me. Hi headmaster!” Steve yelled, as he patted Louis on the shoulder. The headmaster nodded into his direction, and Louis and Steve sat down somewhere in the middle of the assembly hall. “Dude, you’re like, super early, Alone with the headmaster? Awkward!” Steve said, voice all quiet now.

 

“It was alright,” Louis said sincerely.

 

“Dude, one of my kids said the funniest thing today, I swear,” Steve started, as the rest of the assembly hall started to fill with other teachers.

 

Louis listened to Steve’s story, really, but his mind was also focussed on finding Harry. And as soon as he did, he followed Harry’s every move. Louis didn’t really stare at him, but he was just constantly aware of his presence, of exactly where Harry was in the room. Steve kept on talking, and Louis chuckled, because it was a funny story indeed. But his mind was focussed on Harry the entire time as well. It was almost as if his mind was schizophrenic. Conversation with Steve was okay, but his brain needed to spend some attention on Harry as well.

 

\-------

 

“So, next week we’ve got to do some poetry.” Harry announced, as he and Louis started on their lunch. They were seated in Louis’ classroom, and had one of their many official lunch meetings.

 

Basically, they would eat, and discuss the upcoming topics for class inefficiently. They always got distracted, because Harry or Louis would think of a funny YouTube video that they could use in class, and then they’d start browsing and forget all about their original purpose. They were always productive, because their ideas always worked for their classes, but they were oh so slow. Yet, it didn’t bother Louis in the slightest. Harry clearly enjoyed, and so did he. They got some work done, ate their lunch, and basically enjoyed themselves for the entire lunch break.

 

“Yeah. I don’t think I’m going to be very good at teaching poetry. I find the topic rather boring myself, which makes it hard so sell it as interesting.”

 

“What do you mean? You find poetry boring? Boring?” Harry asked, slightly raising his voice. He gave Louis a stern look, and Louis felt as if he was five years old, and being scolded by his nan. 

 

“I know I shouldn’t say that as an English teacher, but I do,” Louis almost whispered, as if it was a crime to say that out loud.

 

“My God. Louis. What a deal breaker. I don’t know if we can still be friends,” Harry deadpanned.

 

“Yeah, well. It was nice while it lasted,” Louis shrugged, and Harry chuckled. Louis beamed, as he tended to do when he succeeded in making Harry smile. Harry’s smile was his favourite sight in the entire world.

 

“But seriously.”

 

“I am being serious. I hate poetry.”

 

“Louis Tomlinson! You ignorant! Poetry is art! Poetry is language at its most distilled and most powerful. Poetry is the clear expression of mixed feelings!” Harry exclaimed

 

“You’re quoting someone, aren’t you.” Louis remarked, hint of sarcasm in his voice.

 

“Yeah well, those are some quotes I tend to use whenever students start whining about why we’re studying poetry. I just memorised them.”

 

“Well, it sounded very convincing.”

 

“Thanks. Did it work though?”

 

“Nope. Poetry is boring.” Louis said, popping his p.

 

“I write poetry myself sometimes, you know. I find it very relaxing to be honest.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah, it’s like, a way to say stuff that you can’t say in real life. But prettier. You must think I’m a dork.”

 

“No, really, that’s so cool. I mean, I still think it’s boring, but that you’re able to write it yourself, that’s pretty impressive,” Louis admitted.

 

“Yeah, well, it’s easy to say it’s impressive if you haven’t read it. You don’t know if it’s any good.”

 

“Well, you could always show me.”

 

“I don’t know about that…” Harry started, and all of the sudden he sounded insecure. Louis didn’t know that Harry even knew that emotion. He was always so confident, without once being arrogant. But now, Louis saw a new side of Harry.

 

“You don’t have to. Only if you’re comfortable with me reading it.” Louis offered.

 

Harry opened his ring binder, stared at it, and closed it again. He just looked at his hands for a second, lost I thought, and then he opened it once more.

 

“I’ll show you. But, it’s very personal. Please don’t hold it against me.” Harry still sounded insecure, and Louis wanted nothing more than to hug him to make him feel better. However, Harry was, first and foremost, his colleague and that would be totally inappropriate. Lovely, but still inappropriate.

 

“You know I wouldn’t. Come on, impress me poet Styles,” Louis said, trying to lighten the mood. Harry nodded, took a sheet filled with scribbles and lines, and handed it to Louis.

 

You and Me

 

I've got a young heart  
And it's wild and free  
I don't know where it starts  
But it ends with you and me  
It's a hard road  
As far as I can see  
I don't know where I'm going  
But I'll get back to you and me  
  
'Cause we're two kids  
Trying to start a fight  
No matter where we go  
Yeah, we'll be alright  
All I'm asking for  
A bit of patience, please  
'Cause I know what's to come  
And it's coming for you and me  
  
When I look down the line  
At the man I wanna be  
I've always known from the start  
That it ends with you and me

 

 

 

When Louis finished, he looked up and saw Harry staring at his own hands, clearly still uncomfortable, or even nervous. Louis wondered why, because the poem was simply superb. 

 

“Read it again Louis. Let it sink in,” Harry said, without looking at him. So Louis read it again, and tried to understand the exact meaning of the poem. “I always tell my students that as well. _Read it again. Let it sink in_.”

 

It was a beautiful poem, absolutely beautiful. Nobel fucking Prize worthy in Louis’ opinion.

 

“It’s wonderful Harry. I’m genuinely impressed,” Louis said sincerely, and Harry looked up again.

 

“Thanks,” he smiled.

 

“Camille is one lucky lady, not only a fiancé but a muse as well.” Louis murmured, and right now, in this moment, he despised her.

 

“Camille?”

 

“Well, yeah. I mean, it’s a love poem, right? Or didn’t I get it?” Louis asked, confused.

 

“Yeah, it is. It’s just not about Camille,” Harry said, and he gave Louis another poem, this time a printed one. “Now, this is my favourite poem by WH Auden. I say we start with that one. It’s impossible to hate this poem. And, they’ve used it in the film _Four Weddings and a Funeral_ , so we can show that clip.”

 

Wow, that was an abrupt change of topic. Harry clearly did not want to discuss his own poem. Weird, since he showed it to Louis voluntarily. A love poem, that was not about Camille?

 

Harry Styles was a mystery. A gorgeous one, and Louis was completely intrigued. Intrigued, and fucked.

 

 

 

 

\---------

 

In December, there was a long evening at school for the teachers: parents’ meetings.

 

_Yay. Not._

 

All pupils got their report card separately, and they came to pick them up together with their parents. That meant that every teacher was in his or her own classroom, and had about twenty sets of parents and pupils to talk to.

 

Some report cards were wonderful, and then those talks were easy. Summing up so many different compliments about the child made the parents happy. Needless to say that the teachers really enjoyed those conversations. Teacher happy, parents happy, pupil happy.

 

Some report cards were dreadful, and then those talks were a nightmare. No parent wants to hear that his kid isn’t doing well in school, and usually those talks end in tears. It could be the mom, it could be the teenager, and in rare occasions, it could be the dad. Needless to say that the teachers were  not looking forward to these conversations either. There is no fun in telling a parent that his kid failed a few subjects. They usually blame you anyway.

 

Louis really was dreading the parents’ meetings.

 

The meetings began at 6 o’clock in the evening, and so the foursome had decided to go and get a bite to eat first. Just a kebab around the corner, nothing special, but it was a weird sight. All four of them were dressed up, as usual when parents came to school, but still holding a kebab. Louis had three napkins: one on his lap, one tucked in his shirt, and one in between the two other ones.

 

“Waw. Three napkins.” Harry chuckled.

 

“Shut up Styles. This is my fancy suit. With a white shirt. I don’t want any stains upon that shirt, especially not half an hour before we have to start the parents’ meetings.”

 

“Yeah, you look dashing,” Harry winked, and he took another bite.

 

“So Louis, usually, we go out when all of the parents have left.” Liam started, and El nodded.

 

“Yeah, not just us though, all the fun teachers go out after the parents’ meetings. We go to the pub around the corner. Whoever’s ready goes there first, and takes a table. By the end of the evening, there’s usually a group of fifteen colleagues.”

 

“Pub night with a bunch of colleagues. Sounds fun,” Louis said. He meant it. Going to a pub with a group of teachers may have sounded boring to Louis four months ago, but now he knew better. They enjoyed a party just as much as he did.

 

“Yeah, it is fun. Usually, some people are really annoyed or irritated after the talking to stupid parents, and then they feel the need to let off steam by drinking too much. It’s always hilarious if one of your colleagues ends up drunk dancing on the table.”

 

“Oh yeah, I totally forgot about that! Steve was absolutely wasted last year. My God, he danced upon the table for at least half an hour.” Harry laughed.

 

“Yup. And then you joined him Liam. I still have some pictures on my phone somewhere…” Eleanor said, and she took her phone.

 

“Don’t!” Liam exclaimed, as he tried to take Eleanor’s phone. “Nobody should ever see these pictures.”

 

“But otherwise Louis has no clue what he’s getting himself into,” Eleanor smiled, voice all angelic. “He should see the pictures of the two of you twerking on the table.”

 

“Oh my God, you twerked? With Steve? On a table?” Louis yelled, not quite believing what Eleanor had just revealed.

 

“Oh please. Scream louder. I don’t think the lady on the toilet could understand everything you just said,” Liam sighed sarcastically.

 

“He totally did Louis. Liam honestly twerked,” Harry chuckled. “And he looked good doing it.”

 

“He did look good. And, you know, a bit gay, maybe?” Eleanor remarked innocently, as she put her finger upon her lips to give the impression she was thinking.

 

“A bit gay is okay,” Harry replied. “Seriously, if I was dancing that close to Steve, I’d doubt my sexuality as well.”

 

“I didn’t doubt my sexuality! I didn’t twerk. We just jumped on the table for about ten seconds, that’s it!” Liam yelled.

 

“You keep telling yourself that, but my pictures tell another story,” Eleanor said. “Guys, as much as I love discussing Liam’s twerking habits, we should really get to school. The meetings start in fifteen minutes.”

 

“For God’s sake, I don’t have twerking habits!” Liam shouted.

 

“Yeah, we should go,” Harry agreed, as he returned his own platter back to the counter. “The sooner we finish, the sooner we can go and get a drink, the sooner we can see Liam twerk again.”

 

“I’m never twerking again. Ever.”

 

“Boring!” Eleanor echoed.

 

“Boring indeed. Hopefully Louis will twerk then. Now that’s a sight I’d like to see.” Harry murmured.

 

“Uhu. I’m totally charging by phone during the meetings, just to make sure I’ve got a full battery when we get to the pub. You never know what you might want to take pictures of.” Eleanor said casually, as she winked at Louis.

 

“What happens in the pub, stays in the pub,” Liam offered, and all three of them shook their head.

 

“Hell no," they chirped together. 

 

 

\----------

 

 

Louis arrived at the pub together with Liam, since both had arrived at the teachers’ lounge at the same time. When they got there, they spotted several of their colleagues: Steve, Eleanor, Nick, Greg, and Cheryl were all sitting together at a big round table, all of them with a pint in front of them. Except Cheryl, she was drinking a glass of wine. Obviously, she was a French teacher.

 

Louis was only slightly disappointed that Harry wasn’t there yet. However, he found a seat in between Nick and Greg, and the three of them started discussing the upcoming Spurs versus Arsenal game.

 

Fifteen minutes later, three other colleagues arrived, and the circle became bigger.

 

Five minutes later, Harry arrived together with James, one of the English teachers of the lower years. They sat down next to the other three newcomers, and so Harry joined in on their conversation, and Louis was on the other side talking footy.

 

Steve went to get another round of drinks, and they moved on to discuss different football trainers. Nick asked them which trainer they’d prefer as a headmaster. Louis went with Pep Guardiola.

Eleanor went to get another round of drinks, and they moved on to discuss different football stadiums. Greg asked them which stadium they’d love to teach in. Louis went with Old Trafford.

 

Nick went to get another round of drinks, and they moved on to discuss football shirts. Greg asked them which shirt they’d love to have as a teaching uniform in their school, and Louis went with the Spurs shirt, but the away version. Navy blue, with a golden collar.

 

By that time, Louis was getting lightheaded, and he felt genuinely happy. Happy with his new job, happy with these lovely colleagues, happy with his life. Happy to see Harry on the other side of the table, so he could just occasionally stare at him while he was chatting to Greg and Nick.

 

Harry was oh so gorgeous.

 

“Louis, Greg, it’s been a pleasure but I’ve got to go home. My boyfriend has sent me about twenty texts already, so I’m leaving,” Nick announced.

 

“Your boyfriend texts you, and you immediately go home? My my, we know who’s the bottom in your relationship then.” Greg chuckled, and he patted Louis’ shoulder to stress his joke. Louis gave him a smile, and Greg seemed contended.

 

“Don’t go there,” Nick started, “The last time I told you something about my sex life, you blushed and you wouldn’t talk to me for three days.”

 

“Yeah, well, I was sober then. Now, not so much. I can handle talks about gay sex a whole lot better then,” Greg said, and he gave Louis a high-five. Louis decided not to react on the gay-sex-comment. “Wihey, drinks before the holidays! Drunk teachers!”

 

“Uhu. Interesting stuff Greg. I’m going home.” Nick said. He gave Louis a goodbye hug and lowered his voice. “Hey, keep an eye on him, will ya? In this drunken phase he’s still okay, but if you give him any more alcohol he’ll become all whiney and whingy. Best to avoid that.”

 

“Good to know. I will.” Louis whispered back, making sure Greg couldn’t hear them.

 

Nick exited the pub, and that left Louis and Greg.

 

“Well Tomlinson, as much as I enjoy our football talks, I’m going to chat with lovely Eleanor for a second. Let’s see if she’s looking for a one-night-stand,” Greg said with a huge smirk, and he went to the other side of the table.

 

Within five seconds, Harry sat down in the seat next to Louis. Fucking Harry Styles, always coming to talk to him. Fucking Perfect Harry Styles. 

 

“Hey, did I really see you hugging Nick just now? Or am I hallucinating?” Harry asked casually.

 

“He did indeed hug me, yeah.”

 

“I mean… You know he’s got a boyfriend, right?” Harry asked, with a bit of an accusative tone in his voice. Louis did not like that tone at all. It almost gave the impression that he was bit… envious? Because of a hug with Nick?

 

Could Harry be jealous?

 

_No no no. Don’t go there. Don’t even think that. Harry is engaged to Camille. Lovely, sweet, perfect Camille._

 

“Oh God Harry, it wasn’t like that at all. He hugged me, so he could whisper something about how to deal with drunk Greg.”

 

“Oooooh,” Harry sang.

 

“Oooooh,” Louis repeated. “Why do you care?”

 

“Well, I don’t want to see my favourite colleague being, you know, like used or anything.”

 

“Your favourite colleague? That’s quick.” Louis exclaimed. “We’ve just been working together for what, four months now?”

 

“Yup. You’re still my favourite though,” Harry confessed honestly, as he looked straight into Louis’ eyes.

 

Beautiful green eyes. Louis stared right back into them, wishing he could stop time. Wishing he had more time to admire those eyes, to admire that face, to take in every little part of Harry’s face. The two men looked straight at each other, almost as if someone had put a spell on them.

 

“Yeah, you’re my favourite too,” Louis murmured. Harry’s lips curled into a small cute smile.

 

“More drinks!” Liam yelled. “Who wants what?”

 

Harry looked up at Liam, and ordered another glass of wine. And just like that, the spell was broken. Harry went back to the other side of the table, and they did not speak anymore that evening. Half an hour later, Louis got up, and went home.

 

When he crawled into his bed a bit later, he checked his mobile and read Harry’s message:

 

**I meant it. Enjoy your holidays and see you in the new year!**

 

Louis wondered if Harry was referring to the you-are-my-favourite conversation they’d had a bit earlier. He was Louis’ favourite as well. Not just favourite colleague though, but basically his favourite human. However, since Harry was straight, and very much not available, there was no point in sending a flirty reply, and Louis kept it casual.

 

**You 2! Happy holidays for the Best English Teacher Ever x**

 

He doubted about the x at the end of the message, and erased it a couple of times before typing it again. In the end, he decided to man up, and send it anyway. Harry’s reply came about ten seconds later.

 

**best english teacherSSSS ever xxxxx**

 

 

\-------

 

At New Year’s, Louis was drunk. and since he had lost the ability to think straight, he somehow convinced himself it was a good idea to text Harry. Which he did. Luckily, he wasn’t drunk enough to type some kind of sad and drunken message, but the alcohol made him courageous enough to send lots of kisses. Harry had done the same thing at the beginning of the holidays, so Louis considered it to be an okay thing to do. Right? You can totally send lots of kisses to your colleagues. Uhu.    


**Hiyah Harry! Happy New Year XXXXXXX**

 

Harry’s reply came five minutes later.

 

**So many kisses! Lucky me! Best way to start 2018 XXXXXX**

 

 

\--------

 

At the end of January, the school organised a reception to celebrate the New Year officially. All the staff members were invited, and they could bring their partners along. The party was held in a fancy restaurant, where they first had a sophisticated dinner, and later on there was to be dancing.

 

It sounded like a wedding, to be honest. Sitting at a table for a couple of hours was not something that Louis looked forward to. He was an energetic lad. Sitting down was not something he was good at. Ten minutes tops, and then he’d get all fidgety.

 

That was just one of the reasons why he didn’t want to go. Harry was obviously the biggest reason.

 

Bring your partner. That would mean he’d bring Camille.

 

_Yugh. Beautiful Harry with stupid perfect Camille. Disgusting._

 

“Niall, I don’t want to go. He’ll be there,” Louis wined, as he was putting on his suit. He was standing in front of their big mirror in the living room, while Niall was munching some chocolates on the sofa.  

 

“He’s there every day at school as well Louis. Man up.”

 

“But, he’ll be there with Camille. That’s different.”

 

“Why?” Niall asked, as if it was a normal question. Why? That part was obvious by now, no?

 

“Why? Because he’ll touch her. And he’ll kiss her. And he’ll be a perfect gentleman. And they’ll be perfect. And I’ll  be alone.”

 

“So sad.”

 

“It is, isn’t it?” Louis agreed.

 

“No, I was talking about you. You’re so sad. You’re normally such a lively, fun guy, unless we’re talking about Harry. Then you’re just a sad version of yourself.”

 

“I…”

 

“No Louis, I’m being serious here. I love living with you, I love how we both suck at cooking, but we try. I love how we go out every weekend as if we’re still students. I love that we have Sundays that we spent in our boxers playing Fifa all day long. But if you’re going to continue this way, I’m going to search another flatmate.”

 

“Continue this way?” Louis repeated, voice full on unbelief. What the fuck was Niall talking about?

 

“Yeah. The only thing we’ve talked about since school started again two weeks ago is Harry. And not in a fun way. You sound so sad, and it’s just a lot to deal with.”

 

“To deal with? For you? I’m sorry that my heartbreak is difficult for you!’ Louis spat. Seriously, what kind of friend was Niall anyway?

 

“No, it’s difficult for me to see you so sad. I want to cheer you up, but you don’t let me. You’re only thinking about Harry.”

 

“I know.”

 

“You need to get over him.”

 

“Yup. Not that easy though.” Louis confessed.

 

“Ignore him for a bit. Ignore him for a year. Just, like, _try_ to get over him. Right now, you’re not even trying. Try. Do something.” Niall said, voice demanding. He was standing right in front of Louis now, and Louis hadn’t noticed that Niall had gotten up at all. The talk alone was serious, but the fact that Niall had bothered coming out of the sofa and leaving his chocolates behind, confirmed the fact that it was very, incredibly, extremely serious. Niall would not just leave his chocolates unattended.

 

“Ignore him. I can do that at tonight’s party. I can’t do that at school though.”

 

“Well, then start with tonight. You ignore him. You talk to everyone, except Harry. Whenever you see him coming your way, you move. You run. You get out of there.”

 

“Jezus Horan. You make it sound like he’s a villain,” Louis said, smiling.

 

“Well, he’s hurting my best friend, so he’d kind of villain in my eyes.” Niall stated.

 

“Aw, aren’t you sweet.” Louis cooed fondly.

 

“Shut up you idiot.” Niall said, and he moved back to the sofa, implying that the serious part of the talk was over.

 

“Can you please repeat that one more time so I can film it? You know, have a keep’s sake of this moment?” Louis asked, voice filled with sarcasm.

 

“Nope,” Niall said, as he put his hands into the air, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. This sappy friend moment never happened. And tomorrow, you’re talking me out for brunch, your treat, to make up for all these sad Harry monologues you’ve been giving me.”

 

“Well well well,” Louis started, “Look who transformed into a demanding lady.”

 

“I said shut up. Now, since you’re a bit slow on the uptake, I’ll summarize it for you. Go to this New Year’s drink, ignore the shit out of Harry, and buy me food tomorrow.”

 

“Go, ignore, food. Got it.”

 

“Don’t let me down Tommo.” Niall said, voice stern.

 

“I won’t.” Louis said, and he meant it. Niall had a point. He’d been pining over Harry, and there was just no use. So he had to get over him, and sooner rather than later. So tonight was as good a night as any to start with project get-over-Harry.

 

And so Louis left, repeating Niall’s words in his head ‘ignore the shit out of Harry’ as his mantra.

 

He walked into the venue, and spotted Liam, El, and their dates at the bar together. Harry was there as well, looking absolutely beautiful in his suit. Camille was standing with them, looking all glorious and perfect. How annoying, really.

 

_Ignore the shit out of Harry. Ignore the shit out of Harry._

 

Louis repeated the mantra, but gave himself five full seconds to take in Harry’s look tonight. He looked perfect, just so stunning in his wonderful black suit, as if he was made to walk on red carpets for movie premiers rather than teaching. Absolutely beautiful.

 

_Ignore the shit out of Harry. Ignore the shit out of Harry._

 

Yeah, ignoring wasn’t going to work if he was going to continue to drool all over Harry. He walked over to the group of Nick and Greg. These were just fun guys, and he always had a good time with them. It was an easy choice to join them, really. They were interested in footie and music just like him, so conversation flowed easily as it always did. Neither Greg or Nick had brought a date, so there were no awkward silences or introductions. With the next round of the Champions League coming up, they talked footie from the moment Louis joined them. When the headmaster gave a speech twenty minutes later, and told his entire staff to take a seat, he followed them to a table. Cheryl and Steve, the two French teachers were sitting there as well, and they were pretty fun. He wouldn’t mind spending a few hours sitting down together with these people.

 

Harry and Camille took a seat on a table with Liam, his date, Eleanor, El’s date, and two other PE teachers that Louis didn’t know that well. He was glad that he wasn’t seated with Harry. That would make the ignoring mission a whole lot easier.

 

“Alright boys and girls, welcome to the dateless table,” Nick announced, as he raised his glass of champagne in the air. “Let’s eat, chatter, and get pissed on the school’s expenses.”

 

“Hear hear!” Cheryl, Steve, Greg, and Louis yelled in unison, and he drank his second glass of champagne of the evening.

 

After the first course had been cleared, Liam walked over to the dateless table.

 

“Hi Louis, we thought you were going to join our table. Having fun here with these lads?” Liam asked, genuinely interested.

 

“Yeah. I spent so much time with Harry this week already, with our joint courses, and our subject meetings, that I thought it’d be nice to talk to some other colleagues as well. That’s okay, right?”

 

“Yeah, no, sure that’s okay. Just, you know, checking.” Liam said. “Plus, my date’s kind of boring, so I thought coming to talk to you was a good excuse to get away from her.”

 

“Ooh, so you’re just using me then, aren’t you?”

 

“Well, I came to say hi to Cheryl as well. She looks ravishing in that black dress.”

 

“Dude, you can’t come over here and flirt with one of our colleagues when you brought a date. No go Liam.”

 

“But, she’s so boring. So so so boring. And Cheryl looks so hot. How about I take your seat, so I can talk to Cheryl for a while, and you take my seat at our table so you can talk to Harry and El for a bit?” Liam asked, voice all innocent.

 

“No no no.” Louis exclaimed, even though his heart said yes yes yes. If he took Liam’s place, he’d be sitting next to Harry. And Liam’s boring date. But no, he shouldn’t, and he mustn’t take a seat at Harry’s table.

 

_Ignore the shit out of Harry. Ignore the shit out of Harry._

 

“Please?” Liam tried again. “I’ll grade your next test.”

 

“Liam, come on. Be nice. Don’t dump your date on an event where she doesn’t know anybody, just because you think Cheryl looks hot. You’re better than that.” Louis said.

 

“But,” Liam started.

 

“Nope Payno,” Louis interrupted him. “You can seduce Cheryl all year long, just not tonight. Go back to your table. I’ll see you on the dancefloor when the dinner is over.”

 

“Yeah, okay.”

 

“Now, be a good boy, and go talk to your date,” Louis said, and he gave Liam a gentle push. He pointed in the direction of their table, and he could feel Harry’s eyes on him, but he decided not to look at him.

 

_Ignore the shit out of Harry. Ignore the shit out of Harry._

 

They had a main course, and a dessert, and then some tea with biscuits. Then finally a deejay started playing music, and within a minute the entire dancefloor was filled with dancing teachers. It was a funny sight, really. Louis especially enjoyed the older female teachers, who were dancing as if their lives depended on it. Louis suspected that they hadn’t danced it a really long time. Yet he chuckled each time he saw them waving their hands into the air as Will.I.Am told them to. 

 

Steve asked Louis whether he was the dancing type, and the two of them started discussing their favourite songs to dance to.

 

“If one of these gets played, I’m totally going to dance. But first, I need another drink,” Steve announced and got up. “You lads want anything from the bar?”

 

Sam Smith’s _Stay With Me_ started playing, and the dancefloor quickly changed into a slow moving sea of bodies. Louis was waiting for Steve to return with his drink when he spotted Harry and Camille on the dancefloor, swaying. Camille whispered something into Harry’s ear, and the latter smiled.

 

Louis couldn’t take his eyes of him. His broad back looked sexy as hell in the suit. As the couple turned around slowly, Harry’s eyes found Louis’. The two men looked straight into each other’s eyes, even though Harry kept on dancing. Louis tried to remember his mission, but Harry’s eyes on him made it impossible to think straight. It felt as if he was drawn to him, by some kind of invisible thread. It was simply impossible to take his eyes of Harry. Deep down he knew that Harry was physically holding Camille, yet in those seconds it felt as if they were the only two people in the world.

 

“Here’s your champagne Louis,” Steve said as he placed his drink on the table. Louis seemed to wake up out of his dream, and smiled at Steve.

 

“Merci pour la verre de champagne Steve. C’est très gentil.” Louis said, knowing that he always appreciated it when people spoke French to him. He quickly glanced at Harry, but the couple had turned again, and he couldn’t see Harry’s face anymore.

 

“Wow dude, in French? You’re quickly becoming my favourite colleague.”

 

“Santé,” Louis said as he raised his glass, and the rest of the table followed. Sam Smith’s song was over, and the deejay apparently thought that was enough of slow dancing and put on Little Mix’ _Shout Out To My Ex_.

 

“Since we’re all dateless, I think we’ve all had a few terrible exes. I say we go and fucking dance,” Nick shouted over the loud music. The others nodded, and within a minute they entire table was standing on the dancefloor, bopping along to ‘you’re really quite the man!’

 

Throughout the evening, Louis didn’t sit down once anymore. He loved dancing, and the music was actually pretty good so it wasn’t exactly a hardship to stay on the dancefloor. He did repeat his mantra several times though.

 

_Ignore the shit out of Harry. Ignore the shit out of Harry._

 

Whenever he saw Harry coming closer, he danced to the other side, and he continued to ignore him just fine. As the evening progressed, Louis really got better and better at ignoring him, and the champagne helped as well, since he needed to focus on his balance a bit more as well. It was weird, because he was constantly aware of Harry’s presence, he knew exactly where he was the entire time, yet he didn’t give him any kind of attention. Louis didn’t look directly at him, yet he knew perfectly well where Harry was.

 

At 2o’clock, he was proper drunk, and he thought it was about time to go home. Louis didn’t say goodbye to anyone, just said he needed to go and have a wee, but he took his coat and went home instead. He arrived home twenty minutes later, and fell asleep the moment his head touched his pillow. Successful exit, yes sir.

 

He woke up at ten in the morning, feeling only slightly hungover. Another success right there. He had a few messages from Greg, Nick, and Steve, all asking him where he was and whether he had made it home okay. They really were the best colleagues a guy could ask for.

 

There were three texts from Harry as well, all from yesterday evening.

**Why aren’t you sitting at our table? Come say hi! x**

**L O U I S ! COME OVER! X**

**You officially ignored me Saddd. Your so pretty in a suit zzx**

 

\-------

 

 

Throughout February and March, Louis continued his ignore-the-shit-out-of-Harry-mantra, and he only talked to him for school-related business. Since they were working together, there was no way to avoid him completely. The two of them prepared some more tests together, worked on a group assignment for their entire year, and organised a field trip that was supposed to take place in May.

 

Every single time, they two of them had so much fun, and Louis loved every second they spent together.

 

Also, every single time, Louis left as soon as their jobs had been done. That hadn’t been easy, because Harry always wanted to do something to celebrate when they were done. Harry asked him out for drinks, to have lunch together, to go clubbing, to get a cup of tea together, but Louis always politely declined. Harry always nodded, at whatever excuse Louis gave, but never pushed. At the end of March, he just stopped asking all together.

 

Their communication had become only school-related.

 

Mission Accomplished.

 

 

\-------

 

 

Somewhere in the beginning of April, Harry was waiting at Louis’ tube stop. Just like before, he was holding a cup of tea. Louis was a bit surprised when he saw Harry standing there, because the two of them hadn’t been talking all that much the last couple of weeks.

 

“Well, this is a surprise,” Louis stated, because it really was. Harry gave him the tea, and shrugged.

 

“We need to talk. I mean, I don’t know what happened Lou,” Harry paused, and took a sip from his own coffee. He looked at Louis, and frowned. “We got on so well, and I feel like, I don’t know, we’ve drifted apart or something. I hate this.”

 

“Wow, good morning to you too,” Louis chuckled, and Harry gave him a sad look. Yeah, no, okay, no jokes. Apparently they were doing this, they were having this conversation. Like a bunch of sixteen year old girls, discussing why they weren’t BFFs anymore.

 

Louis immediately felt the need to lighten the mood, to come up with some lame joke or Paris Geller reference, but Harry’s face told him now was not the time.

 

“Look, in the beginning of this schoolyear, we hang out so much, and it was so much fun. You joined in with El and Liam, and the four of us, we just had a blast, right?”

 

“Yeah, no, I mean, yes. Yes, we had fun.” Louis said, eloquently as ever. If Harry had been in a good mood, he’d definitely give Louis shit for that, but his face remained equally serious.

 

“But, you know, somewhere along the way, that stopped. You stopped coming to our get-togethers, you didn’t join us when we went dancing, there’s no more lunch breaks in the park, everything just… stopped.” Harry said, looking oh so serious.

 

Even now, he looked absolutely gorgeous. Louis was so in love with him.

 

God, the ignoring part had worked just fine. Why did Harry have to notice it?

 

“And I want to know why it stopped,” Harry continued. “I mean, did I do something? Did I say something? I miss you, and I want what he had back. Just, you know, me and you, being stupid, and ridiculous, and funny, and hilarious, and lovely as always.”

 

“Are you calling me ridiculous?” Louis asked, rolling his eyes. Harry’s plea was just so lovely, and sweet, and perfect. Harry Styles, always fucking perfect.

 

“Really? That’s what you focus upon? I tell you I miss you, and that’s what you hear? That you’re ridiculous? Basically proves my point, doesn’t it?” Harry asked, and Louis wasn’t looking at him, but he could hear the smile in his voice.

 

“Ooh boy, do you miss me like a hole in the head?” Louis sang, face all innocent. He loved girl groups. Might as well take the opportunity to sing a bit, right?

 

“Allright Sugababe, take it easy. You’re such a twat,” Harry chuckled.

 

Yeah, okay, so mission completed. Serious Harry had disappeared.

 

Now how to continue…? He couldn’t really say, ‘it’s not your fault, I’m just crazy in love with you, and I was trying to get over you by ignoring you’.

 

“Look, to be honest… I don’t know, really. This is my first job. And, we weren’t really professional, were we now? I mean, I genuinely love hanging out with you, but I really want to keep this job. So, I thought it’d be good to act a bit more professionally,” Louis shrugged.

 

Come on, that sounded very convincing, didn’t it?

 

“That’s what this is about?” Harry asked, giving Louis a look of unbelief. “Louis, the kids love you. The headmaster loves you. We all love you. I l-.” Harry stopped dead, and put his hand on Louis’ shoulder. “No way you’re losing your job. Next schoolyear, you’ll be back, don’t worry about that.”

 

“Yeah?” Louis asked, looking Harry straight into the eyes.

 

“Yeah. No way I’m losing you,” Harry said.

 

“Losing me? God, don’t be such a drama queen Harry!” Louis

 

“But, Louis, I teach English. Being a drama queen is in my nature,” Harry pouted in all earnest.

 

“Oi, relax, you little rat! You’re insulting my job too you know! That’s blasphemy!” Louis yelled, and he pinched Harry’s ear.

 

“Little rat? Me? What does that make you? A little mouse?” Harry grinned. Louis knew once again why it was going to be so incredibly hard to get over Harry Styles. Even now, when he was insulting Louis, he still found him the most endearing creature on earth.

 

“Styles, seriously!” Louis said, for lack of a better reply.

 

“God, I missed this banter,” Harry admitted, still grinning like a creepy clown, as the two of them entered the school building.

 

“Yeah, so did I,” Louis nodded, and he meant it. Even though he had been the one avoiding Harry, that didn't mean he hadn't missed him. 

 

“I missed you,” Harry whispered quietly, and Louis thought he wasn’t meant to hear that throughout all of the noise from the screaming children. Yet, he'd heard it. He'd heard it just fine, and the smile on his face became just as creepy as Harry's.

 

 

 

 

\-------

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Oh my God, he totally loves you!” El shouts. “Louis, come on. It’s obvious!”

 

“I don’t think it’s obvious at all,” Louis says. “I mean, this is everything from the last eight months. It’s clear the likes me, you know, as a colleague, and as a friend, but his actions and words don’t exactly scream ‘I-Love-You!’.”

 

“Look, Louis, Harry’s my friend as well. I’ve known him for quite a while, and I’m a guy too, so I can compare,” Liam starts, and El nods her head frantically. “He’s never once texted me a kiss, he’s never told me I’m pretty, or fit, or beautiful, or anything like that. He’s never told me that he misses me, or something serious like that. He’s never shown me his poetry. He’s never taken me to have lunch with just the two of us on a bench.”

 

“Yeah, but, it’s different,” Louis whispers.

 

“Indeed, it’s totally different. Harry and me, we’re mates. Lads. Bros. Nothing more. Whereas with you, something is clearly going on,” Liam says, trying to reassure Louis.

 

“You totally have to try to stop the wedding,” El shrieks, “Like, raise your hand or something, or run to the altar, or,…”

 

“Hold your horses, I’m not doing anything like that,” Louis chuckles, “Are you kidding me?”

 

“But, you’ve got to do something. I mean, you’ve got to try, no?” El asks, and she looks at Liam trying to find some support.

 

“Yeah man,” Liam pitches in, “you’ve got to do something to know whether he feels the same. Nothing gigantic as El just said though, I mean, you’re not _that_ much of a drama queen.”

 

Louis looks at El and Liam, and smiles. They really believe that he stands a chance with Harry, that he might feel the same. All he knows, it that he can’t go to the wedding. He can’t watch Harry getting married to someone else.

 

“Look, I’ll send him a text or something,” Louis shrugs. “I don’t want to make a big love declaration or anything. I just, don’t want him to marry Camille.”

 

“A text? Just a text?” El asks, voice full of unbelief. “No no no Louis, you’ve got to do more! I mean, call him, or send a mail professing your love, or you know, serenade him a bit before he enters the church.”

 

“You’re mad, you know, right? No way I’m doing any of those things. You’ve been watching too many romcoms.” Louis says, and he gets up to take his mobile. “No, I’ll just text him, and that’ll be it.” 

Yeah, that had to be enough. Louis really did not want to make a big deal out of it. He just wanted to let Harry know that he had options.

 

“Lou, do whatever you’re okay it, but after hearing all of those stories, I think you might actually stand a chance. An hour ago, I had a very different opinion on the matter.” Liam admits, and he gets up and looks at El. “We really should be going if we want to make it to church on time.”

 

El nods, and takes Louis’ hands in hers, face all serious. Louis wants to mock her again, but shuts up instead.

 

“Louis, promise me you’ll try. Even if it is with just a text. Send him something. Because I’ve heard your side of the story now, but that also made it crystal clear that you’ve never given him any kind of hope. So, maybe try to do that with your text. Give Harry hope, that he actually stands a chance with you.”

 

“Go get him,” Liam chirps, as he and Eleanor walk out of the door. “And if you change your mind, you know where to find us!”

 

So Louis sits there, and types out twenty possible texts, that he all erases. He types entire love declarations, erases them once more, types out pleas to not to get married, erases them again, and goes pretty much insane.

Then he just decides on a simple approach. Straight to the point. He does not want Harry to get married, so that’s exactly what he texts him.

 

**PLEASE DON’T XX**


	2. Just go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, you've read Louis' side of the story, ending with the infamous words 'Please Don't'.
> 
> Here's Harry's story, from the moment he received that text.

Harry Styles’ life has been smooth sailing. Always. A piece of cake. No troubles, worries, problems, or anything bad. From the day he was born, his life had been a breeze.

 

When he was a toddler, he could walk two weeks for his first birthday, and when he started school at the age of two and a half, he was one of the only children in his class who was able to speak in full sentences.

 

When he was a kid, he was so popular in class that everybody invited him over for their birthday parties, and at the age of eleven his mum transferred him into a private school because his results were just so incredible. He had the cool toys that everybody else wanted, before they were cool to begin with.

 

When he was a teenager, he excelled in every class, but especially in poetry, and he won the national poetry competition with one of his own compositions. At the age of thirteen he got his first kiss, and more kisses soon followed, with different girls. No problems there, he could literally choose which girl, since they all seemed to adore him. At the age of sixteen he had sex for the first time, and it was awesome. And, obviously, he passed his GCSEs with flying colours.

 

When he was at university, he still excelled in every class, he still had a wide variety of girls who were interested in him, and he still had a lot of friends who he could party with, who he could have a pub night with, or who he could have intelligent conversations about the meaning of life. He had his own car, and all of friends envied him for that, and he graduated from university with flying colours.

 

His entire life, Harry Styles had had it all.

 

Enter Louis Tomlinson.

 

 

\-------

 

Eleanor, Liam and Harry were laminating papers for the first day of school, when Lou, the school’s HR-lady knocked on the door.

 

“Hey guys, this is the new English teacher for year 8, 9, and 10. His name is Louis. Could you, like, give him a warm welcome since he’s new? He seems like great material for your group. Introduce yourself, yeah?” Lou asked. She then whispered something in Louis’ ears, causing him to giggle a second.

 

It was that moment, really. That exact moment, when Louis giggled, Harry Styles realized he was in serious trouble. Right there, in front of him, he saw the cutest guy he’d ever seen in his entire life. His mind went blank, and only one thought remained.

 

_Cutest Guy Ever._

 

Which was, to say the least, weird.

 

Until that moment, Harry Styles had never ever considered another male as cute. Okay, maybe his nephew once, but he was a super cute toddler, he pronounced Harry as ‘Elly’. So that had been cute.

 

But thinking that another guy was cute? That was new. Most definitely new.

 

“Hi, my name is Eleanor Calder. Call me El. I teach mathematics in year 7 and 8.” El opened up, charming as ever.

 

Right. He was expected to talk, in like, 6 seconds. He was nervous to talk to a new colleague. Why was he nervous?

 

“Hi, I’m Liam Payne. I teach PE in year 7, 8, and 9.” Liam said, being his own confident self. 

 

“And I’m Harry Styles. I teach English as well, but only in year 8 and 9. You’ve got those two courses as well, so we’re going to be working together then,” Harry said, hoping that his voice did not sound too hopeful. Or pathetic. Or just plain desperate.

 

_Smooth. Shut up Styles._

 

“Hi guys,” Cute Guy started, but his voice sounded quite uncertain. “Nice to meet you.”

 

“Come on in, and tell us a bit about yourself,” Liam demanded super friendly.

 

“Uhm, well, I just finished uni in June. I’m 25 though, because I took a gap year, and I had to retake a year in secondary school. From Doncaster originally. I love Green Day and footie.” Cutest Guy On Earth shrugged, and he was blushing.

 

Seriously, he was blushing. Harry Styles’ heart melted away, and changed into a puddle of goo. 

 

“Cool! So you’re the newbie, yet you’re older than me!” Harry chirped, and his voice sounded like he was trying to sing the falsetto lines of Justin Timberlake in ‘What Goes Around, Comes Around’.

 

_Pathetic_.

 

The overall level of being pathetic rose to new heights when Harry winked at Louis, and he could see in Louis’ eyes that he had no clue how he had landed himself in this situation, with these crazy three teachers, convincing him that teaching was going to be so much fun.

 

He could literally see the confusion in Louis’ eyes.

 

Yet, there was only thought Harry had. Those eyes. Such beautiful eyes.

 

 

\--------

 

 

Later that day, on the tube home, Harry tried to make sense of the events of that afternoon. He’d met Louis, thought he was cute, and then he had made a fool of himself whenever he opened his mouth.

 

However, he was Harry Styles. Excelled at everything. Life’s a walk in the park. So this, whatever it was, was not supposed to happen. In the carriage, he convinced himself that he’d made up in his head, and that Louis hadn’t really been that cute. Really, he probably hadn’t even thought of the word cute. Louis was just a handsome guy, just as Liam was. Everyone could see that. And so, Harry had seen it as well, and his brain had processed it just a bit more elaborately than it usually did. However, this did not mean that he was freaking out or anything like that. Nope. Seriously, everything was fine.

 

Harry told himself that Louis had been uncertain, had blushed, had been bashful, and that was the reason why he’d thought he was cute. Come on, blushing. That’s just adorable, no matter which gender.

 

Every stop he mentally reassured himself that nothing had happened, and that he was going home to his lovely fiancé Camille, and that everything was fine.

 

Everything was fine.

 

No big gay freak out or whatsoever.

 

 

\----------

 

 

That is pretty much how the entire schoolyear continued. Each time Harry saw Louis, he knew he was in trouble. He couldn’t help but admire his beauty, and he basically worshipped the ground Louis walked upon. He’d humiliate himself, say something stupid, and then Harry would back off as quickly as possible, trying to keep his dignity intact.

 

Like, on the colleagues’ weekend. Harry was drunk when he walked over to Louis, and he had asked him who he thought was the hottest one of the bunch. It reeked of desperateness. Secretly, he’d been hoping Louis was say something like ‘you Harry, you’re the fairest of them all’, and that they’d kiss, and life happily ever after or something. Obviously, that didn’t happen. Louis had picked Liam, and yet Harry had still thought it was a good idea to tell him that Harry picked him. Mere seconds later, he’d realized what he had said, and he’d ran off as quickly as possible to ignore Louis for the rest of the weekend.

 

Humiliated himself once again.

 

Or, when they had been teaching about The Great Gatsby. It had always been Harry’s favourite book, and yet when Louis admitted that he loved it, Harry had acted as if he hated Fitzgerald’s work and that he didn’t really understand everything. Louis had happily offered to explain the symbolism in the novel, and Harry had just adored the way Louis’ face lit up when he talked about it. So, basically, he had lied to get Louis to talk to him some more.

 

Pathetic, once again.

 

Or, when he had opened up his heart, and had shown Louis his poem that he had written for him. Louis had read it, two times even, and those minutes were the longest of Harry’s life. He thought it was an obvious love declaration, and that Louis would finally understand that Harry was in love with him. Harry had been too scared to say the words out loud himself, so he’d thought using poetry was the next best thing. However, when Louis finally spoke again, he had said something that implied Harry had written it for Camille. He hadn’t understood that Harry’s words were meant for him, and Harry wasn’t courageous enough to tell him. He’d immediately changed the subject.

 

Pathetic, yup.

 

The entire schoolyear consisted of little events like that. Embarrassing texts, ignored confessions, and humiliating lunches. Despite all of those, Harry loved every second they spent together. Louis wasn’t just beautiful, he pretty much had it all. He was smart and hilariously funny as well, and the two of them just had amazing chemistry.

 

Every day, on the tube home, he’d tell himself that it was no big deal, that it was normal to be under someone’s spell, that it was not abnormal to be infatuated by a guy, and that he absolutely loved Camille the most. Some days, he was able to really believe these thoughts, and some days, he just freaked out a little more. But, only on the tube. That was Harry’s rule. He allowed himself those twenty minutes to freak out, and by the time he got home, he had to forget about it.

 

It felt like putting his feelings for Louis in the mailbox. Each time he got to his house, he passed the mailbox, took out the mail, and basically entered his feelings for Louis there. Inside of the house, he didn’t allow himself to think about Louis for a second, to talk about Louis, or to even just briefly mention him. Every morning, when he left the house to go to school, he took the morning paper out of the mailbox, and then he’d allow himself to start thinking about Louis again.

 

Coping mechanism 1.0, but it seemed to work.

 

Harry really did not have any other coping techniques from his past, since there had never been any troubles whatsoever, so he did not talk about it with anyone. Just those twenty minutes in the morning, and the twenty minutes in the afternoon. Those were his moments to freak out, to lose his mind, and to wonder how he was going to deal with this. Forty minutes a day to freak out. Considering the fact that a day was twenty-four hours, Harry didn’t really consider those forty minutes to be a problem. No big deal. It wasn’t that long, right? He could deal with forty minutes, right?

 

 

 

\--------

 

 

 

**PLEASE DON’T**

 

Harry read Louis’ text for the twenty-eighth time, staring blankly until his screen went dark again.

 

Please don’t _what_?

 

Please don’t be mad if I don’t show up to your wedding?

Please don’t get married?

Please don’t be mad if I bring a plus one?

Please don’t get married?

Please don’t forget your rings for Camille?

Please don’t serve that ridiculous organic guacamole at your wedding?  


Please don’t forget to turn your sound off in church?

Please don’t go?

Please don’t be mad if I snog one of your cousins?

Please don’t cry?

Please don’t forget your vows?

Please don’t be mad if I put rice in your underwear?

Please don’t leave?

Please don’t get married?

 

Could it be the last one? Because in that case, Louis was a fucking mind reader. Right now, Harry was sitting in his room,  all dressed up in his wedding suit. His mum had told him he looked absolutely dashing five times already, and Gemma had nodded approvingly, yet Harry didn’t really feel good at all. If he was being honest, he just wanted to crawl back in his bed, and skip today altogether.

 

The entire morning, his only thought was that he did not want to get married.

The entire week, he’d been thinking that he did not want to marry Camille.

The entire schoolyear, he’d been avoiding thinking about the wedding.  

 

He’d pretty much put his own wedding in his mailbox as well, mostly ignoring it throughout the year. The occasional freak out occurred, but the wedding had always been far away, somewhere in the future, so it wasn’t a big deal.

 

Yet, his priorities seemed to have shifted. Priority one was Louis’ text right now. The question remained. Please don’t _what_?

 

He started to type exactly that, as a reply to Louis, but he erased it quickly as he heard a knock on the door.

 

“Harry, are you okay? It’s your best man slash sister here. Can I come in?” Gemma asked, voice loud.

 

Perfect timing, because he really needed to talk to someone about this mess.

 

“Yeah, sure!” Harry yelled back, and Gemma entered.

 

“Wow baby brother, don’t you look fabulous,” Gemma started,  but when she saw the grim look on Harry’s face, she quickly changed her tone. “Are you alright?”

 

“Yeah, I’m alright,” Harry sighed. No he wasn’t. He wasn’t alright at all.

 

“You keep saying that you’re alright, but I can see it through the fake smile, you’re not,” Gemma sang, and she titled her head, giving him a sweet look.

 

“I need a hug,” Harry declared.

 

“Is it wedding jitters?” Gemma asked, frowning.

 

“I need a hug, now!” Harry repeated a bit louder, and he frowned back at her. Gemma seemed to understand the gravity of the situation, and she strode across the room and put her arms around him.

 

“I need you to listen to me, and don’t interrupt me before I’m done,” Harry whispered while the two siblings were hugging each other. This was the way to tell her. He wasn’t quite confident enough to see her face while he would reveal his secret to her, so this was the perfect approach. While Gemma was holding him, he felt safe to tell her absolutely everything.

 

“Okay,” Gemma whispered, and she held on to Harry tight. “Fire away.”

 

“I’m in love,” Harry started, taking a moment to collect his thoughts. He could feel Gemma nodding in his neck. “I’m in love with one of my colleagues. He started working in our school this year, and I’m a 100% in love with him. There’s nothing I can do about it.”

 

“Harry,” Gemma started, but Harry shook his head.

 

“Hush, let me talk, otherwise I’ll chicken out again,” Harry said. “So, I’m in love with a boy. It’s taken me a bit to realize it, and I’ve never allowed myself to think of it as being in love, but that’s exactly what it is. I’m in love with a boy. How can I get married today, when I’m in love with Louis?”

 

Gemma slowly released Harry, but he just hugged her tighter. She understood, and tightened her grip as well. Best Sister Ever.

 

“Don’t let go. Not yet. I’ve never said this out loud before,” Harry said, speaking slowly. “It’s a lot to admit it. To say it. I’m in love with a boy.”

 

“It’s okay Harry. It’s absolutely okay.” Gemma whispered, and she stroked Harry’s hair.

 

“It’s not okay. I’m straight. I can’t be in love with a boy. Especially not on my wedding day!”

 

“Well brother, I’m so sorry to burst your bubble but,” Gemma chuckled as she continued to stroke his hair, “you’re obviously not straight then, right little brother?” Her tone wasn’t accusatory, or negative at all. She sounded understanding even, which once again confirmed her title of the best sister ever.

 

“I’m not?” Harry asked. It’s a possibility he’d never really considered, unless on those twenty minutes on the tube.

 

“Oh sweetie,” Gemma said, and she finally let go. Harry struggled for a second, because he still didn’t want to look into her eyes, but she gave him no choice. “Look at me.”

 

“I don’t want to,” Harry said, being fully aware that he sounded like an eight-year-old.

 

“Harry, look at me,” Gemma demanded, and Harry lifted his head. “It’s okay. Really, you can most definitely be in love with a boy. You’re my brother, and I’ll always love you. Straight, gay, bi, anything goes, really. I love you. You know that, right?”

 

“Yeah,” Harry murmured.

 

“Then believe me when I say, that maybe you’re not straight, and that it’s okay that you’re in love with a boy. It’s great even. Fabulous!” Gemma said, and she had a huge grin on her face.

 

“Why are you so cool with this? Why are you smiling?” Harry asked, genuinely confused by Gemma’s breezy reaction.

 

“Because, cutie pie, I don’t care who you love, I care about your happiness. And when I walked in two minutes ago, you looked really sad. Upset. These last few months, you’ve been a bit on the sad side, like, constantly. Now, you’re looking at me as if you are relieved, and you’re actually smiling. That’s so much better than anything I’ve seen from you these last few weeks. Relieved Harry is better than Upset Harry. Smiling Harry is the one I love the best.”

 

“Thanks sis. And yeah, I’m a bit relieved, actually,”

 

“Okay, good. Glad to hear it. Now, what should we do?”

 

“I don’t know what to do, really. I just needed to tell someone about Louis’ text. I don’t know what it means!” Harry admitted, and he was fully aware of the fact that he sounded like a gigantic drama queen. Well, he was an English teacher, right?

 

“Oooh intrigue! My favourite thing in the whole wide world! Who is this Louis then?” Gemma asked, raising her brows.

 

Harry unlocked his phone, and showed Gemma some pictures the two of them had taken on one of their many lunches in the park.

 

“Oh my God, Harry, he’s so handsome,” she exclaimed happily.

 

“I know, isn’t he?” Harry grinned, and he could feel himself blushing again.

 

“Now, before we start the intrigue, I’m going to ask you some quick questions, okay? A bit like speed dating.” Gemma announced enthusiastically.

 

“Like what? Why?” Harry asked, as he did not really understand the point.

 

“You know, I give you two choices, and you immediately answer which of the two you prefer.”

 

“If you say so. I don’t see the point, though. Can’t I just show you Louis’ text?” Harry tried, but Gemma just shook her head.

 

“No, now hush. You don’t think, just reply.”

 

“Bring it on,” Harry grinned.

 

“Tea or coffee?”

 

“Coffee.”

 

“Milk or sugar?”

 

“Milk.”

 

“Toddlers or teenagers?”

 

“Teenagers.”

 

“Manchester City or United?”

 

“United.”

 

“DC or Marvel?”

 

“Marvel.”

 

“Little Mix or Fifth Harmony?”

 

“Little Mix.”

 

“Camille or Louis?”

 

“Louis,” Harry replied instantly, and as soon as he had said it, he understood what his sister had been trying to do.

 

Gemma just sat there, looking at him smugly. Harry shrugged, and he realized the gravity of his own answer.

 

“Well well well,” Gemma said earnestly, “It looks like my best man duties will be to send everyone home today.”

 

“What. But how- I can’t,” Harry started, but he couldn’t find the words. He didn’t even know what he was trying to say.

 

“Look Harry, I love that you felt confident enough to come out to me just now, but that also means that you can’t marry Camille,” Gemma said.

 

“But I.”

 

“No Harry, it’s okay. I know that you probably think that it’s too late to back out now, but it’s not. Better to cancel the wedding now, than to actually get married because you don’t want to deal with the hassle. It would only mean that you’d have to deal with a divorce in the not too far future.”

 

“Divorce? Why?”

 

“Harry, you’re not straight. You’re in love with someone else. Do you honestly believe that your marriage might work out?”

 

“It could. You don’t know that we’d get divorced," Harry said defensively. 

 

“Let me rephrase. Do you genuinely want to marry Camille?” Gemma asked.

 

Harry took a few seconds to let the question sink in. That was an easy one. No.

 

Even though he’d been defending his marriage to Camille just a few seconds ago, the truth was that he did not really want to marry her in the first place. He knew that. He’d known that for months now, he’d just been too afraid to deal with it, or to talk to Camille about it. Or anyone, for that matter.

 

“No,” he whispered.

 

“Well, then it’s settled. Since I’m your best man, I’ll deal with this. I know how non-confrontational you are, you swiftie, so I’ll tell mum and Camille. You just go. You  better not be here when mum comes to talk to you.”

 

“She’ll be so mad at me!” Harry said, and even though he was an adult, he still feared his mum. She could be terrifying as hell.

 

“No she won’t. Once she hears the entire story, she’ll be happy you made the right decision.”

 

“You think so?”

 

“I know so. Trust me. Now, show me that text, before I start the cancelling shenanigans,” she winked. Harry nodded, and he took his phone again. It took Gemma once second to read it, and then she gave Harry a push.

 

“That’s it? ‘Please don’t’? Oh my, Harry, he totally loves you! Go get him!” Gemma exclaimed.

 

“Why does it mean that he loves me?” Harry asked. He’d been so focussed on the meaning of the text, that he hadn’t really thought about Louis’ feelings. Coming to terms about his own feelings was one thing, but the possibility that Louis might feel the same, was another very scary matter. “It’s just two words! Maybe his sentence wasn’t finished yet!”

 

“He sent that text more than an hour ago, you twat. If the sentence wasn’t finished yet, he would have finished it by now.”

 

“But maybe,” Harry tried, but he got interrupted again.

 

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Gemma yelled. “Go find him. Please. Talk to him. I’ll deal with everything over here, you go and talk to this Louis of yours.”

 

“He’s not my Louis.”

 

“Not your Louis _yet_. Trust me. Go.”

 

“Are you sure?” Harry asked, and still a hint of insecurity lingered in his voice. Gemma shook her head, and came a step closer. She placed her both hands on Harry’s shoulders, and gave him a frightening stare.

 

“Harry Styles. You won’t marry a girl that you’re not in love with. I won’t allow it! Now, go find that boy of yours, and confess!”

 

Right. Yeah. When Gemma said it like that, it all sounded so logical. It made sense. You can’t marry a person that you’re not in love with. And it would be stupid not to find out if Louis felt the same. So, yeah, he was really doing this. Even though it was fucking scary, and his mum might kill him tomorrow, right now he was a man on a mission.

 

Find Louis Tomlinson. Confess.

 

 

 

\-------

 

Harry left the house quietly, and walked to the tube entrance two streets further. He didn’t really have a plan, he just knew he needed to find Louis. Talk to Louis, yes please. Within fifteen minutes, he’d sent five texts. He also texted Gemma to thank her once more. He really couldn’t have hoped for a better sister.

 

**(10.02) Hi Louis, where are you? Can we talk? X**

**(10.03) (I’m singing Ruby by The KaiserChiefs for my  next text)**

**(10.03) LOUIS LOUIS LOUIS AHAAAHAHAAAA XXX**

**(10.09) No, seriously, where are you?**

**(10.16) I’m a bit worried Mr Tomlinson. Please reply when you get this. X Mr Styles**

 

\------

 

Harry rang the buzzer at Louis’ apartment.

 

“Hiyah, who’s there?” Niall's voice sounded through the intercom a few seconds later.

 

“Hi, it’s Harry. I’m Louis colleague. Is he there?” Harry asked.

 

“Harry Styles?”

 

“Yeah, indeed. Is Louis there?”

 

“Dude, what are you doing here? It’s your wedding day!”

 

“Yeah, no, it’s a long story. Can I see him?”

 

“He’s not here. He went to Doncaster, left about an hour ago to walk to the station.”

 

“Which one?”

 

“King’s Cross, I think?”

 

“Thanks!”

 

That’s all that Harry needed to know. All of the sudden, Harry Styles switched into Mo Farrah-mode. He started running towards the tube entrance again, and twenty minutes later he got out at King’s Cross. He ran towards the station itself, checking the big timetable, trying to find trains towards Doncaster. He ran towards the correct platform, constantly scanning everyone in the station, searching for Louis. On the platform there was a train, that would leave in three minutes. Harry ran next to every single carriage, checking the people in there, to see if Louis was there.

 

He wasn’t. No sign of Louis.

 

He spent another fifteen minutes trying to locate Louis, but it was just no use. He checked his phone every twenty seconds to see whether Louis had responded yet, but also on his phone there was no sign of Louis.

 

He only got a text from Gemma.

 

**(11.10) Camille went insane. Mum thought it was funny. Guests in the church mumbled a lot. I expect your phone is going to blow up any second now. Best to turn it off? Love you xxx G**

 

Right, that meant that Gemma had informed everybody that the wedding was officially off. It would be a good idea to switch off his phone indeed, since some of his friends might text him, or Camille might try to call.

 

So, standing in the middle of King’s Cross, next to a line of tourists queuing for the Harry Potter trolley, Harry Styles switched off his phone.

 

If Louis would text him, he wouldn’t know.

 

 

 

Half an hour later, he officially gave up. Apparently, he’d been brainwashed by romantic movies. He really had been expecting to find Louis in the station, to confess his love, to stand in the middle of a flash mob, and to kiss when Iris by Goo Goo Dolls started playing.

 

No such luck.

 

He wasn’t quite ready to face him mum just yet, so he left the station and started walking in the opposite direction.

 

 

\-------

 

 

1.8 miles later he found himself climbing the last steps to the top of Primrose Hill. He hadn’t left King’s Cross to walk to Primrose Hill purposely, it had just kind of happened. His plan was simple. Go to the top, sit down and admire London’s skyline, clear his head, and go home. Anything to postpone going home.

 

“You’ve got to be kidding me! Harry?”

 

Harry knew that voice. That voice belonged to Louis Tomlinson. He looked up, and saw Louis sitting on the bench on top of the hill. Louis’ face was equally confused as Harry’s.

 

_What the fuck?_

“What are you doing here?” Louis asked.

 

“What are you doing here?” Harry replied.

 

“No, seriously, my question is more urgent. What are you doing here, it’s your wedding day of fuck’s sake!” Louis exclaimed, and Harry couldn’t read his behaviour. Was he happy, or annoyed, or confused, or what? He didn’t know.

 

“Uhm,” Harry mumbled.

 

Yeah, this was it. It was officially time to confess now. Nobody had ever told Harry what an awkward feeling that was. Relationships had always been a walk in the park. Girls had always swooned. Whenever he had been on the edge of kissing a girl he liked, he’d always known that she felt the same way, that it was a sure thing. There had never been any doubts, or hesitations.

 

Now this was different. Very different to say the least. He didn’t know whether Louis liked him back.  

 

And if he did, then it’d still be frightening. He’d never kissed a boy before.

 

“Uhm,” Harry tried again.

 

“Harry, are you okay?” Louis asked, and his face went all concerned.

 

That was it, right there, that note of actual concern in Louis’ voice that triggered Harry to confess.

 

“No wedding day for me. I’m not getting married.”

 

“You’re not? What about Camille? I don’t understand why you,” Louis said, but Harry interrupted him. Now he’d found his courage to confess, he was going to do it properly.

 

“I’m in love with you. I couldn’t marry her, didn’t want to, really. I think about you, all the time, and you know. I like you.” Harry said, voice confident, and in full confession mode. Louis might reject him, but he knew he had to try. Now was the time.

 

Louis just nodded, and didn’t reply. He just gave Harry a sincere smile, and didn’t seem inclined the talk. Harry took that as his cue to continue.

 

“In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find someone who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you,” he said, pausing again. Louis was still smiling, but still didn’t talk.

 

“I’ve seen you in all these moods. I’ve seen you in a good mood, every Friday when the weekend starts, or when one of your lesser students did well on a test. I’ve seen you in a bad mood, because there was no more tea in the teachers’ lounge, or when some parents complained about too much homework. I’ve seen you ugly, on a Friday morning with bags under your eyes and a huge hangover from partying too long Thursday evening, and even then I still thought you looked pretty. I’ve seen you handsome, like every single day.”

 

Louis just looked at Harry, still smiling, but no words came out of his mouth.

 

“God Louis, say something, please,” Harry begged, nervous, slightly going crazy.

 

“Was it because of the text?” Louis whispered.

 

“It helped. I wasn’t quite ready yet to admit it to anyone, but your text gave me that little push that I needed,” Harry admitted. He stepped closer to Louis, and stood awkwardly next to the bench. “Mind if I sit down?”

 

“No, please do.” Louis said, and he patted the bench. The smile was still present on his face, and Harry was starting to get nervous.

 

“Why are you here?” Harry asked casually.

 

“What, you give me a love declaration like that, and you expect me immediately afterwards to just randomly chat about why I’m at Primrose Hill? Fuck that!” Louis said, and he put his lips on Harry’s.

 

Ah, heaven.

 

Kissing Louis Tomlinson felt like heaven.

 

Harry leaned in closer, so he could embrace Louis entirely, and he put one hand on his cheek. He could hear Louis softly moan as they were kissing, and it felt as if he’d reached another more heavenly part of heaven. Louis’ hands were in his hair, and he loved the sound their lips were making.

 

Here they were, two colleagues, two English teachers of the same school, kissing each other on top of Primrose Hill.

 

“You kiss by the book,” Louis whispered in between kisses, causing Harry to chuckle.

 

“Only you would quote Shakespeare in the middle of a kiss,” Harry said, voice fond, and he kissed Louis again.

 

“I made you Romeo, didn’t I?” Louis asked, and Harry smiled again, and started nibbling Louis’ neck instead.

 

“God, you’re so hot Juliet, I want to lick you everywhere,” Harry whispered in Louis’ ear.

 

“Let me lick you up and down, till you say stop,” Louis sang while Harry continued to nibble his ear.

 

“Ahem,” a voice said, and the two men instantly stopped.

 

“Hi mister Tomlinson,” a teenage girl said awkwardly. Harry recognized her immediately. Julie, one of the girls from Year 9 that was in Louis’ class. Harry had been her English teacher last year. “And mister Styles.”

 

“Hi,” they both replied, lost for words.

 

“Sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to say that it’s soooo cool that you two are together! I knew it! I mean, the entire year thought so since September already, because you’re obviously made for each other!”

 

“Uhm,” Harry started, but he had no reply. What? The pupils thought they were made for each other? Together since September? What?

 

“Thanks love,” Louis replied easily. “But, could you like, keep it a secret? If the headmaster finds out, one of us might lose their jobs. And we love teaching at the same school, don’t we dear?” Louis raised his brows at Harry, as if all of this was completely normal.

 

“Yes dear,” Harry replied, playing along with Louis’ Oscar worthy acting performance.

 

“Oh sure, no worries, I won’t tell a soul. Except maybe my best friend Lisa? If that’s okay? And, yeah, my sister over there has seen you two as well, but she doesn’t go to our school.”

 

“Perfect,” Louis chirped, and he patted Harry’s knee, “now it was lovely seeing you here, but we were actually just leaving. We’ll see you at school, right?” Louis stood up, and stretched out his hand to Harry’s.

 

“Right,” Julie said, and she waved at the two of them.

 

“Bye Julie,” Harry said, as he walked downhill with Louis, hand in hand. Louis pinched his hand, and smiled.

 

Harry absolutely adored that smile. He lived for that smile. Hell, he had just cancelled a wedding for that smile.

 

The two of them walked all the way until the exit of the park, grinning at each other, hand in hand.

 

“So, now that we’re out of the park,” Louis said as soon as they had crossed the park’s gates, “can you snog me some more please?”

 

“Well, since you’ve asked me so kindly,” Harry said fondly, and the two of them kissed again. Right there on the pavement next to the park,

 

Harry Styles had always excelled in life. At secondary school, at university, and as a teacher. But now, with kissing Louis, he’d gotten to another highlight. This had to be the best feeling he’d ever experienced. He felt alive, he felt as if time was flying, he felt as if time stood still. All the cars passing by on the busy Regent’s Park Road did not matter. The fact that a lot of them honked, did not matter. The fact that a pupil had seen them kissing did not matter.

 

The only thing in the world that mattered were Louis’ lips on his.

 

“Mmmmm, you don’t know how long I’ve been wanting to do that,” Louis sighed when he finally gave their lips a break.

 

“I don’t actually. I had no clue.” Harry admitted.

 

“Neither did I!”

 

“Oh come on, I gave you so many hints,”

 

“While still being engaged to someone else. Those are not hints Styles.” Louis said, voice serious.

 

“Which reminds me, what were you doing on top of Primrose Hill?” Harry asked, because it was still an incredible coincidence that they had bumped into each other over there.

 

“Well, I was going to take a train to Doncaster, to avoid your wedding and all that, but one of my sisters phoned me that to say that they weren’t going to be home until late in the afternoon. So, I, you know, walked around a bit, next to the canal. All of the sudden I see Primrose Hill on my Google Maps. You told me about Primrose Hill once. So, I thought I’d come and check it out.”

 

“You came here because of me?” Harry asked, voice full of unbelief.

 

“I did.” Louis admitted, grinning.

 

“And I found you here.” Harry said, grinning as well.

 

“You did.”

 

Harry couldn’t control himself, and kissed Louis again. He held him tight, enjoying their perfect fit. Harry engulfed Louis completely, and he loved that. From now on, he could kiss Louis every day. That was way better than just thinking about him for twenty minutes during this tube time.

 

“I’m so in love with you,” Harry whispered.

 

“Ditto,” Louis said, and Harry could practically hear Louis’ smile. “So, your place or mine?”

 

“What?” Harry asked.

 

“Well, as much as I love standing here kissing you in the middle of a busy road, I prefer a bit more privacy if you know what I mean," Louis said, raising his brows. And then, he actually winked. 

 

“Oh. Ooooh,” Harry said with a shy smile. “We can’t go to my place. Gemma’s still there, mum as well I guess, and maybe Camille, or her family.”

 

“Yugh, no, let’s not. My place it is then."

 

“I can’t believe you’re in love with me,” Harry confessed. Really, he couldn’t. Two and a half hours ago, he’d had his big revelation. It had been just over two hours since he talked to Gemma, chased Louis, and discovered he liked him back.

 

“I can’t believe you’re in love with me!” Louis said, grinning like a monkey. Harry was so endeared, and Louis’ smile took his breath away once again.

 

“Louis, you’ve got no idea how cute you are. Really. I mean, I literally want to carry you home, the entire way.”

 

“Please don’t.” Louis deadpanned. It took Harry a moment to understand Louis’ answer.  

 

“The magic words!” Harry eventually smiled, and he took Louis’ hand as they walked towards the tube entrance.


	3. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry cancelled his wedding. Well, technically Gemma did.  
> He found Louis, and the two of them are clearly in love.
> 
> Now what?

“So, your place then? How do we get there?” Harry asked. As if that was a normal question. As if it was normal that Harry would go to Louis’ flat to make out some more.

The two of them were still standing on the corner of the park, and Louis really had no idea where to go.

“Walk back to the nearest tube station I guess?” Louis replied. “Although I have to admit I’ve got no idea which one that is.”

“From here? Camden Town station. Fifteen minutes.”

“Cool. You can show me the way, because I used Google Maps to get here when I came from King’s Cross,” Louis admitted.

“You did? That is so cute. I can totally imagine you walking here, with your phone in front of you.”

“Harry, I’m not cute. Ever.”

“I beg to differ. But, we’ll have that discussion another time,” Harry chuckled, and then he frowned at Louis. “So tell me, tough guy, did you take the walk next to the canal? It’s quite pretty,”

Louis coughed, so his voice would sound a bit tougher indeed. “I did actually. I’d have to agree with you upon that one.”

“Well, since we’ve got time… Might I suggest we take another route?” Harry asked.

“Sure. Guide me through London you expert. What have you got for me?”

“Well, London is quite big… You can get lost here,” Harry ponders, and he takes a moment to think. “If you liked walking next to the canal, we might continue that way, but in the other direction, and then walk all the way to Warwick Avenue station.”

“Warwick Avenue? As in…” Louis started, and Harry cut him off, singing.

“When I get to Warwick Avenue, meet me by the entrance of the tube,”

“We can talk things over a little time, but promise me you won’t step outta line,” they finished together. They just looked into each other’s eyes for a second, and Louis couldn’t quite grasp how the two of them had managed to convince people that they weren’t crazy in love for the last couple of months.

“God, I loved that song,” he said, keeping the conversation going.

“I loved Mercy more, actually.” Harry stated, and he started singing again. “You got me begging you for mercy, why won’t you release me?”

“Styles, stop trying to impress me. I already admitted that I’m in love with you,” Louis said, as he pinched Harry’s shoulder, and the latter just smiled. A gigantic one, but just a smile nonetheless. “Whatever happened to Duffy anyway? I only remember these old songs,” Louis said, continuously trying to have a casual conversation, and not be distracted by Harry’s gigantic gorgeous smile, or by the fact that they were in love.

God, mercy. Mercy indeed.

They were in love. Harry Styles was in love with him. With _him_ , Louis Tomlinson. Unbelievable.

“I don’t know. But, I do know how to walk to the infamous Warwick Avenue,” Harry said proudly.

“Let’s go then,” Louis said, and Harry took his hand in his as the two of them started walking.

“Let’s go,” Harry agreed. Huge grin still intact, he brought Louis’ hand to his mouth to kiss it.

 

 

 

An hour later, they arrived at the entrance of the tube station.

“Well, that took us long enough,” Louis remarked, as he was searching his Oyster card. It had been a fun walk, with lots of meaningless conversation and playful banter, but now he’d had enough. He wanted to go home, and wanted Harry all to himself.

“You’re one to talk! You’re the one who wanted to stop every five minutes to snog me senseless!” Harry replied, voice fond.

“Uhu, because you absolutely hated it, right?”

“Yugh. Kissing. Yugh. Louis in my arms. Yugh.” Harry stated sarcastically, and he winked at Louis. Next, he took his phone. “We should totally take a selfie here, you know, in front of this tube entrance. It’ll be the picture to remember how it, like, how it all started between us, you know?”

“The one to frame, and proudly exhibit on your fireplace for the entire world to see?”

“I don’t have a fireplace,” Harry remarked, frowning.

“Not the point, love,” Louis chuckled. “Yeah, but you’re right, let’s take a picture indeed.”

“I turned off my phone, so I wouldn’t have to deal with all the ‘hey-whatever-happened-to-your-wedding?’ messages. Still not in the mood for those,” Harry mumbled, as he was holding his phone. He sighed deeply, and then nodded once, implying he’d made a decision. “Okay, I’m just going to turn it back on, take a picture, and deal with those messages later, sound good?”

“Sure Harry. Whatever you say,” Louis said, and that’s really how he felt. Indeed, as happy as Louis was, he also knew that Harry’s sacrifice to be here with him was a whole lot bigger than his. Harry had made a super huge decision, and cancelled his wedding. That’s a lot to deal with. Louis intended to support him all the way.

Harry’s phone started buzzing, and he just opened the picture app to ignore all the incoming messages. 

“Smile for me, pretty Louis,” Harry demanded earnestly. Louis rolled his eyes, but couldn’t resist the urge to smile like a lunatic.

Harry put his arm around Louis, and Louis saw their two beaming faces appearing on Harry’s screen. He was happy, and he knew he was happy, but now, he could actually see it, right there, on the screen. Everyone could see that he was happy. Happy to be with Harry. And, judging on Harry’s smile, they shared that, really.

He could hear the sound of a first picture being taken. Harry, however, did not lower the phone.

“Another one,” Harry said, and Louis’ smile grew.

“And another one,” Louis said, and he kissed Harry’s cheek.

“Swish swish bish,” Harry whispered in his ear, and Louis chuckled.

“Are you always going to start singing songs to match the conversation?”

“I do. Katy Perry is so appropriate right now!”

“Why?”

“So keep calm honey, I’ma stick around, for more than a minute, get used to it.” Harry sang on. “She’s right. I’m going to stick around for more than a minute. You should get used to having me around. Katy is always right.”

“As much as I think your Katy Perry adoration is very entertaining, I was under the impression that we were trying to take a picture here, remember?” Louis asked sharply, even though he couldn’t stop smiling.

“Yeah… It’s not Katy that I adore by the way,” Harry said, and then he took Louis’ jaw in his hands so he could put his lips on Louis’.

“Cheesy,” is what Louis said. _Lovely_ , is what Louis thought.

Simple as that. Even though he could hear the sound another picture being taken, even though Harry’s remark was cheesy as fuck, all of those things were forgotten as soon as Harry’s lips were on his.

 

A few minutes later, they were standing on the platform, waiting for a train. Harry had announced he was going to ‘man up’ and read all of them at once. He was scrolling through all of his many messages he’d received in the meantime, and Louis just quietly let him. After all, he had just cancelled a wedding, and it was only normal his phone had exploded with messages as soon as he’d turned it on to take their picture. He’d apologized for it, and Louis had merely smiled.

“Seriously Styles, don’t say sorry. It’s quite alright you want to check your phone for a bit.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Take your time. I’m not going anywhere,” Louis assured him, smiling.

And so, Harry was completely focussed on his phone, but he still had his arm around Louis’ shoulders, and it was something that felt completely normal. It shouldn’t feel this normal, since the two of them had made their confessions just about an hour ago, but still, it felt as if Harry’s arm had always been there.

It was a bit of a scary thought.

It was a bit of a lovely thought as well though.

Louis decided not to dwell upon it.

 

 

Warwick Avenue was on the Bakerloo Line, and a few stops later, the train stopped at Edgware Road, where about a few hundreds of Sherlock Holmes tourists tried to enter the train. Harry and Louis had been standing next to the door, with plenty of room, but when all of those tourists entered, it suddenly became a bit crowded, and the two of them were pressed against each other.

“This is awfully close,” Harry remarked, breathing into Louis’ ear. Their bodies were touching everywhere, by no fault of their own.

“Yes. I hate it,” Louis said ferociously.

“You love it.”

“I’d love it if we were alone, and in my bedroom,” Louis said, raising his brows. “Now, with about ten other people touching me at the same time, not so much.”

Harry had his cheeks against him, and he could literally feel Harry smiling.

“Alone? Your bedroom?” Harry whispered. “You’re pushing my mind in the gutter here.”

“Oi Styles, focus on the task at hand. Getting us home is priority number one here, because I don’t usually take this line.”

Suddenly, the train entered a bend just before a new station, and the breaks shrieked. The carriage bumped up and down, and everyone aboard was pushed to the left quite abruptly, and to the right at the same time. A lot of bumps, auws, and sorrys were the result.

Harry as well bumped against a tall man behind him, and his politeness took over. Immediately the tall teacher apologized profoundly.

“Yeah, as if you mind touching me, you dirty poof,” the man replied. He was somewhere in his forties, wearing an expensive suit and carrying a briefcase, and he was accompanied by a beautiful blonde girl, who was obviously a lot younger than him.

“What did you say?” Harry asked, frowning. Louis could hear the confusion in his voice, and he took Harry’s hand.

“You heard me. Poof. Don’t touch me, not you, and not your filthy twinky boyfriend,” the man said, voice stern and full of disgust, and then he turned himself towards the girl again. “I fucking hate gay people.”

“I’m not gay,” Harry replied in a heartbeat, confusion written on his face.

“Mate, you’re literally holding your boyfriend’s hand as we speak. You are _so_ gay.”

“I am not,” Harry started saying, and then he stopped just like that. Louis could spot it, the exact moment when it clicked into Harry’s brain that the man was right, that he was indeed holding Louis’ hand. His face went blank. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, to no one in particular.

Louis smiled to assure Harry that everything was okay, but Harry just shook his head, and let go of Louis’ hand.

The train started beeping, implying that the doors were going to close any second now. Harry all of the sudden moved super quickly, and he jumped out of the train right before the doors closed, and long before Louis understood what was happening.

“Harry!” Louis yelled, but it was too late.

The train started moving again. Louis was still on board, but Harry was standing on the platform. Louis was desperately trying to make eye contact with Harry, all confused, and he did not understand what just had happened in the last twenty seconds. Harry did not acknowledge the departing train, or Louis on it.

Harry did not even look up once, but stood on the platform staring at the ground with his hands in his pockets. He looked small somehow, despite his length.

He could hear the guy behind him mumble something along the lines of ‘gay people are such drama queens’, but he decided not to react, since his own brain was still trying to grasp what just had happened.

Harry had been pissed because that guy called _him_ gay?

Harry had been pissed because that guy called him _gay_?

Whatever it had been, none of it was okay.

 

Right. Louis should have seen this coming, right? This had been too good to be true anyway. Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson, as if that could have been a real thing to begin with. There’s just no way. Nope. Louis must have misinterpreted the entire situation, because there indeed could be no way that Harry Styles liked him back.

Yet, he’d cancelled the wedding, and yet, he’d confessed that he was in love with Louis.

Louis’ mind went absolutely crazy.

Like, fucking crazy.

What the hell had happened? This last hour? He had been kissing Harry? Like, what the fuck? And then, Harry had ran away, after being called gay? Like, what the hell?

Before he finally gained his sanity again and understood that he was on the tube, on a line he did not know, half an hour had passed and the train had arrived at its last stop named Elephant and Castle. If he’d been in a better mood, he’d definitely would have found that an entertaining name, imagining an elephant in a castle. Yet, today was not the day to joke about elephants in castles.

Nothing was even remotely funny right now.

Really. He could not be bothered with finding out where he was, or which train he was supposed to take to get home. In zombie modus he exited the tube station, and took a taxi instead.

Twenty-five minutes later, he entered their flat. Niall sat at their kitchen island eating a piece of toast. When he saw Louis walking in, he frowned.

“Louis, what are you doing here? I thought you were going to Doncaster?”

“What the hell just happened?” Louis asked instead, completely ignoring Niall’s question.

“Harry came by about two hours ago, by the way. He was looking for you.” Niall informed, as he munched on the final part of his toast.

“What the hell just happened Niall?” Louis said again, louder this time, throwing his hands in the air to add a bit of drama. He needed Niall to focus on the current issue at hand. Louis’ love life.

“What the hell just happened indeed?” Niall repeated raising his brows, and he took two pints out of the fridge. “So the saga continues,” he sang, as he gave Louis one of the pints. He jumped in their sofa, and patted the empty space next to him. “Come and talk to uncle Nialler.”

Louis took a sip, and started talking for the second time that day.

 

 

 

 

About 1.8 miles further in London, Harry arrived back at home. His mind had gone equally crazy as Louis’, even though his thoughts had been fairly different.

Right now, as he was opening the door, he was mainly afraid as to who would be present in his house.

“Harry?” Anne called from the kitchen, as he walked into the hallway.

Okay, his mum was there. He could deal with his mum. He’d talk to her for about two minutes, and then, hopefully, she’d hug him. That’s what he needed at the moment. To be hugged, and not to be questioned, because right now, he did not have the answers himself.

“Hi mum,” Harry yelled back, as he took off his shoes. He didn’t spot Camille’s jacket or shoes in the hallway, so hopefully she was not here. “Is Camille here?”

“No, she isn’t,” Anne replied, as she appeared in the hallway. She strode over to Harry, and stopped right in front of him. Her face was blank, and therefore unreadable. Harry tried to see whether she was mad, or disappointed, or mortified, or just plain relieved, but he simply could not read her expression.

“Mum,” he began, lost for words.

“Harry,” she said, and she put her hands on his shoulders, giving him a stern look. “What happened dear? I’ll make us some tea, and then you will tell me everything.”

“Tea sounds good mum,” Harry confessed. “I don’t know whether you want to hear everything though.”

“Nonsense. I’m your mum. I want to know what is going on. Gemma told me a bit, that you did not want to marry Camille. But that’s all I know. I need some answers, dear. Like, pronto.”

“I don’t have a lot of answers,” Harry whispered quietly. He really did not. He did not know what his mum wanted to hear.

“Yes you do. Just talk to me.” Anne said reassuringly, as she took his hand and dragged him into the kitchen.

A few minutes later, Anne placed a cup of tea in front of him, and she placed some biscuits on the table. While she had been preparing the tea, Harry had been thinking about what to tell her. But, unfortunately, he did not really come up with some kind of genius plan to explain just yet.

“Talk love. Whatever it is, it’s okay.” Anne encouraged him, as she put her hands around her cup.

“What has Gem told you?” Harry asked.

“That you don’t want to marry Camille. That there wouldn’t be a wedding. That you asked her to call the whole thing off. Did you?”

“Yeah,” Harry whispered, “I did.”

“Okay. Now sweetie, I can see that you’re struggling. I can see that you don’t know what to say, or you don’t know how to tell it, but just give me something to work with here. I’m a bit worried, and I’m not here to judge you love. I’m here to listen.” Anne stated, voice gentle, and she patted Harry on the back.

Sure. As if it were that easy.

How do you tell your mum that you  have cancelled a wedding, because you’re in love with someone else, and that someone happens to be of the same gender? Harry loved his mum, but right now, he could not really predict how she was going to react.

“I’m in love with someone else,” Harry heard himself say, even though he had absolutely no intention of revealing that to his mum. It must have been her special mum powers that had sucked the truth right out of him.

“Right,” Anne answered. Apart from that one word, she remained silent, thereby making it perfectly clear to Harry that it was his time to talk, and to explain.

“I’m in love with a boy,” Harry whispered, barely audible, and he looked at the teacup in his hand. It was part of the china he had picked out together with Camille.

“Right,” Anne repeated again.

“I have been in love with him for since September, and it just does not seem to go away. But, he’s a boy. I’m in love with a boy,” Harry repeated, and he could hear the surprise in his own voice.

He had kissed Louis, and it had felt absolutely glorious, but it hadn’t really sunk in just yet that Louis was male, that he had been kissing a boy, and that therefore Harry’s entire identity had changed. As he was talking about it right now, he was slowly processing all of the information himself.

“And, he likes me back. We kissed today, and it was great.”

“Of course he likes you back, sweetie.”

“Thanks mum. But, it really felt great. And then I suggested we go to his place, so we took the tube.” Harry said, and it should feel weird to mention this to his mum, because what possible reason could there be to go back to Louis’ place besides having sex? Yet, he did not mind telling the story at all. “I bumped into a stranger, and he bullied us, called me gay, and I freaked out.”

“Oh honey,” Anne started, but Harry cut her off.

“He called me a poof, and I freaked out, and I just left. I mean, I just left Louis there, on the tube. I ran away. I always just run away, I never face my problems. I ran away from the wedding, and now I ran away from Louis.”

He hadn’t realized it up until that second, but apparently he was a runner. Harry had never been good at facing his problems, he usually just tended to avoid them. Easier that way, right? He’d avoided his feelings for Louis, he’d avoided ending his engagement to Camille, he’d even avoided his own wedding, for God’s sake.

“You did not run away from Louis, from what I can hear. You ran away from that evil man. Who says something like that these days anyway?”

“Not the point mum,” Harry sighed, because really, that was not the point at all. The point was that he had ran, that he’d left Louis.

“Oh yes, very much the point love.”

“But,” Harry started, but Anne cut him off.

“Honey, tell me about being in love with him. How do you know you’re in love with him?”

“I just, you know, do. I mean, it’s clear.”

“How is it clear? Explain it to me Harry,” Anne demanded, yet her voice was sweet like chocolate. Harry understood that his mum was not mad or anything like that, but that she was just genuinely interested.

“When I see him, I start smiling. Whatever he does, whatever he says, I’m hooked. I always want to be with him, and I hate it when I don’t see him. He’s the first person I think of when I wake up, and the last one to cross my mind before I fall asleep.”

“Sounds like being in love indeed,” Anne said earnestly, as she took another sip. “Great feeling, isn’t it?”

“It is. All I do every night is think about him. He stays on my mind, all the time, every night.”

“What about Camille then? How is it different?” Anne asked.

“I love her, I do, just not, you know, romantically,” Harry stopped, and mirrored his mum as he sipped his tea. “I really do care about her, but it’s like I’m living with a really good friend. It’s not even close to what I feel for Louis.”

“Then why’d you propose to her?”

“Because…” Harry fell silent. That was a good question indeed. Why did he promise? It had seemed like the logical step, right? They’d moved in together, he’d gotten a steady job, and they’d been happy together. Then it was just time to propose, right? “I don’t know. I just thought it was time,” Harry admitted.

“That’s your reason? You thought it was _time_?” Anne repeated, making it sound as if it was the worst possible reason ever.

It was, wasn’t it? Who gets married because it’s time?

“You know, time for a next step?”

“Oh honey. Seriously. How come you never told me you felt that way? Told anyone?”

“It would’ve been a mess. It was easier not to, if that makes any sense? Getting married was easier than dealing with my feelings for Louis.”

“Easier? How so? Now you spent such a long time with a person you’re not in love with.” Anne remarked, and she frowned as if she genuinely did not fully understand.

“Yeah, but, you know… It’s easier to deny yourself something than to hurt someone, right?”

“Oh sweetie,” Anne sighed. “You hurt yourself in the process.”

“But that’s not that bad, you know, hurting yourself? I really didn’t want to hurt Camille. I don’t want to hurt her, still today, even though I know I must have hurt her by not showing up. She’s a good girl, such a good girl. Just, not _my_ girl.”

“But you’ve been in love with her, right?” Anne asked. “I mean, you haven’t been playing this role for your entire relationship, have you?”

“I think I was in love with her, in the very beginning. But, she was into me, and you know, she convinced me to date her. With Louis, it’s very different.” Harry paused a second, again, giving himself time to process the information, almost as if he was allowing himself to think about the entire situation with Louis. He’d been ignoring it perfectly so far, except for those twenty minutes on the tube every day.

He sipped his tea, before he continued with his bravest and yet most truthful observation about Louis by far. “I’ve always known, if that makes any sense? I didn’t want to admit it, but in the back of my mind I’ve always known we were supposed to end up together.”

“Oh baby,” Anne cooed.

Harry just shrugged with an apologetic smile, and the room went silent. Harry got lost in his own thoughts again, realizing the truth of them, how he’d always thought, or at least hoped, that Louis and he would end up together. How he’d given him compliments, even tried to flirt with him, while he was together with Louis. How he’d always considered Louis the cutest guy he’d ever seen.

When he looked up, he saw that his mum was lost in her own thoughts. She’d been nothing but wonderful so far, but he needed, no wanted, to know what was going on in that head of hers.

“You’re not mad? Disappointed? Angry? You do realize I cancelled a wedding, and that I’m not straight, right?”

“Honey, a wedding is just a piece of paper. We’ll get refunds on all those things, and at the end of the day, it’s just not that important. You’re still young, you’ve got the rest of your life to figure things out, and if you don’t want to marry Camille, and you shouldn’t.”

“You’re okay with me being in love with a boy?” Harry asked, even though his mum had already cleared implied that she did not mind at all.

“Here at the Styles family, we like to celebrate love. In all forms. Love is love,” Anne said firmly.

“Love is love,” Harry agreed. “in all forms.”

His mum really was the best mum ever. If there was a Nobel Prize for mums, it’d be on her nightstand already.

“I’m not okay with you keeping this from me, but we’ll discuss that another time.”

“Yes mum,” Harry said obediently, as if he was an eight-year-old who was being punished rather than an adult teacher.

“Harry, when you wake up every day, you get a chance to think what you want to do with your day. What you want to put into the world that day, and who you want to be. Be a lover. Choose love. Give love.”

“You’ve always told me that when I was younger.”

“I stand by it, even today. What do you choose Harry?” Anne asked, her face still stern as she kept on looking at him.

“Love. Always love,” Harry whispered.

“Well then. What are you doing here?”

Harry took a moment to let her words sink in. She wanted him to go to Louis then. His mum, his own mum, who had to deal with a cancelled wedding, and a son coming out to her, was pushing him to go to Louis.

“I’m not ready to deal with him mum. To deal with this side of me. I’m just… Not.” Harry admitted.

He wasn’t lying. Kissing Louis had been great, but he wasn’t ready to accept his different identity quite yet. He just did not feel ready to deal with everything that came with not being straight, as his awful reaction on the tube had clarified.

He needed to accept himself first, before he could accept Louis.

“Oh dear,” Anne said as she got up and put her arms around Harry, “I love you so much. I’m so proud of what you did today. I can’t be happy about the fact that you cancelled the wedding, but I can be happy about the fact that you choose real love instead.” Anne hugged him for a few seconds more, and then released him. “You’re a good man Harry.”

“I don’t know if Louis sees it that way mum,” Harry said, and he meant every word.

He’d seen the confusion on Louis’ face when he jumped out of the train, but he hadn’t dared to take another look at him from that moment on, so he really had no clue where he stood.

Had Louis been mad? Disappointed? Had he tried to get out of the tube as well, or had he just watched Harry go?

“Don’t focus on Louis just yet. Focus on yourself love,” Anne said, and she was right.

Harry needed to come to terms with himself first. But how? How could he make that happen? Quickly, possibly?

“I’m not straight,” he said. “I don’t know if that makes me gay or bisexual or whatever, but there’s only thing that I do know right now and that’s that I’m in love with Louis.”

“That’s all that matters love. The rest is just not that important right now.”

“If you say so,” Harry muttered, still unsure.

“I say so. Now, how about the two of us crawl underneath a blanket and watch Love Actually? Just forget that there’s a world out there for a good two hours. Sound good?”

Oh God. He’d really won the ‘who-has-the-best-mum-competition of the entire globe. Surely.

“Sounds great mum,” Harry smiled. “I’ll make us some hot chocolate, and I’m sure that there’s still a box of McVities somewhere in this cupboard.”

“I’ll find it. You go and set up the film.”

 

 

Half an hour later, they were watching cute little Sam and his dad sitting next to the Thames, discussing life. Little Sam confessed to his stepdad that he was in love, and he called it ‘total agony’.

“Total agony,” Liam Neeson’s character repeated on the screen.

“Total agony,” Harry repeated. “I can totally relate.”

“Did you know he plays a role in Game of Thrones?” Anne asked, not taking her eyes of the screen, and thereby conveniently completely ignoring Harry’s total-agony-comment.

“Yeah, he’s the one who travels with Bran,” Harry replied.

“Yes. Now, being crippled on the wrong side of the wall surrounded by the dead, that is total agony. Being in love is not,” Anne said firmly.

Harry chuckled. How awesome was his mum? She was the only one who could take his mind off things with statements like these. Harry loved her so much, and thought he hadn’t said it yet. “Good one mum. I love you.”

“Love you too honey. Now hush, Colin Firth is on!”

 

 

 

On Sunday, Harry replied some of his friends’ messages, but he wasn’t quite ready to face the music. Naturally, he begged his mum to stay a bit longer, and he sent a desperate message to Gemma, begging her to come over as well. She did, obviously, and the three of them spent some quality time together. They started with a pot of tea, and they talked as if they hadn’t seen each other in ages. It was mostly Harry who was doing the talking, and mostly about Louis. The two women did not interrupt him, and just let him chat like a love-struck teenager. When their cups were empty, it took them another half an hour to admit that it was time for some action. Harry baked fresh scones as Gemma emptied Camille’s dresser, and Anne made some calls to get refunds on everything wedding-related.

Harry was so grateful that his family took care of these things, since he wasn’t really looking forward to do them himself. So, the least he could do was reward them with his homemade batch of cinnamon scones.

At noon, they took the tube to Hampstead for a long walk. Harry talked about Louis some more, and Gemma teased him for being such a lovesick puppy.

“Why don’t you call him right now?” she asked as they wandered around next to one of the playgrounds.

“I can’t. I just, like, wouldn’t know what to say, if that makes sense. I don’t know.”

“I do. Call him.”

“No. I’ll see him tomorrow at school anyway, so it doesn’t matter that much now, does it?”

“Yes it does!” Gemma exclaimed, and she pinched Harry’s arm. “Come on brother, time for action.”

“Cancelling the wedding was enough action for this weekend. Just,” Harry paused, and he sighed. “Just don’t. Don’t make me call him. Don’t tease me about it.”

“Leave the poor boy alone Gems,” Anne said. “He’s wallowing a bit, and we should let him. Now, let’s discuss dinner.”

Anne’s strategy had worked perfectly. Just like that, the subject was dropped, and they did not discuss Louis anymore during the entire day.

Harry kept on checking his mobile though, hoping to find some kind of reassuring message from Louis. Unfortunately, that did not happen. He thought about texting Louis himself, but no words came to mind. What do you say to a person who you just admitted to that you were in love with them, and then ran off?

 

 

 

Monday morning, Harry regretted their decision to get married during a normal weekend. At the time, it had seemed like a good idea. Everyone would be able to attend their wedding, since it wasn’t holiday time just yet. And since Harry had a lot of friends who were teachers, that really had sounded perfect because all of them would be able to make it. Getting married on Saturday, sleeping off their hangover and just doing nothing on Sunday, and back to school on Monday. No honeymoon just yet, that would happen later. According to their plan, Camille and Harry would have gone to Australia on their honeymoon during the summer holidays. Still newlyweds, but just married for two months already. That had been the plan. It really had sounded like a good plan at the time.

But now?

An awful plan. A terrible plan. A horrible plan.

If you cancel your wedding on Saturday, obviously your colleagues are going to know. Colleagues, who you’ll obviously meet at school just a mere two days later.

A terribly awful plan. An incredibly horrible plan.

Facing his colleagues was one thing. But facing Louis would be another.

Harry took his time to walk to school from the tube, and he arrived at his classroom just as the bell rang. Perfect timing. No time to go to the teachers’ lounge, no time see or talk to anyone. How convenient.

“Sir, how does it feel to be married?”

“Sir, what song did you dance to?”

“Sir, what kind of dress did you wife wear?”

“Sir, do you have any pictures that of you in your suit?”

“Sir, can you tell us about your speech?”

Right, the pupils.

He might have succeeded in avoiding his colleagues, but his pupils also knew that he was getting married. Oops.

He waited until everyone was seated and looking at him, awaiting an answer. Harry coughed, and started talking.

“So, I did not get married this weekend. Something happened, and there was no marriage. I’m not comfortable discussing it, so please, don’t ask any questions. Feel free to tell your friends in other classes. Don’t ask anything. I’m fine, but just let me teach. That’s all that I need from you right now. Just let me teach.”

All the pupils looked at him with a serious face, and they nodded earnestly. Wow. He must have sounded really desperate, or these kids were just the sweetest kids in history.

“For today, I’d like to discuss Ready Player One with you guys. Is there anyone who has read this book?” Harry asked, and the second he started teaching he forgot about all the rest.

 

 

A few hours later, it was lunchtime. As the first pupil opened up the door the leave the classroom, Harry saw the headmaster patiently waiting outside in the hallway.

O-oh.

“Mister Styles, can I have a word please?” he asked, as soon as all the pupils had vanished.

“Yes sir, of course. What can I help you with?” Harry asked, all innocent. As if this was going to be about anything else than his wedding.

“One of your colleagues informed me what happened to you this weekend. I’m surprised you are here considering the circumstances.”

Circumstances. Harry did not really understand what the headmaster was trying to say. What circumstances was the headmaster referring to? To the fact that Harry’s wedding had been cancelled? Or… Did he know about Louis? Had Louis told him? Who was this colleague? Someone who had been waiting in the church, or had Louis gone to the headmaster to explain?

“Well, I don’t see why I wouldn’t be here. What happened this weekend does not have anything to do with the classes that I’ve prepared for this week.” Harry offered, trying to sound confident. His answer was just as vague as the headmaster’s question, and he did not reveal whether they were talking about the wedding, or about Louis.  

“That’s a very professional attitude Styles, I like it.”

“Thanks sir. I always find that teaching is the best way to forget about everything going on in the world. In front of your pupils the rest just disappears. So teaching today seemed like logical to me.” Harry confessed. This was true. He hadn’t even thought about not coming to school today.

“I understand. Well, I’m glad to see that you’re doing okay Styles. If there’s anything I can help you with, make sure to stop by my office.”

“Will do sir. Thanks.” Harry said, and he meant it. He was thankful for these kind words of his boss, and mostly for the fact that he did not push to get Harry to reveal more about the situation.

“I’ll leave you to it,” the headmaster said, and he left Harry’s classroom.

Harry stood at his desk for a minute, considering what to do. He still wasn’t in the mood to face the rest of his colleagues, so he decided he’d just go outside of school for lunch. A few minutes had passed since the bell rang, so the corridor would be empty, and Louis would definitely be gone.

He left his classroom, and saw Louis locking up his classroom. He looked up and the two of them stared at each other for a second.

_Say something. Say anything._

His brain went blank. What to say? A second. Two seconds. Three seconds.

And then, a smile appeared on Louis’ face.

“Styles, I can literally see your brain going mental. Relax, it’s just me,” Louis said.

Louis looked absolutely gorgeous, and Harry wondered how he’d ever fooled himself into believing he wasn’t in love with him. He took a breath, and hadn’t realized he had been holding his breath until then.

“You’re not mad?” Harry asked, and he couldn’t quite believe it.

“Oh, not mad. Disappointed, yes. But mad? No.”

“Oh thank God, Louis! I’m so sorry. So so sorry. Let me explain. You’ve got no idea how much I,” Harry started, but Louis interrupted him.

A minute ago, Harry didn’t know what to say. Now, he had all of the words ready on the tip of his tongue, but Louis didn’t give him a chance to speak his mind.

“I’m not mad, but I’m also not quite ready to be your friend just yet. So if you could just, like, leave me alone, that’d be brilliant,” Louis said casually, but Harry saw the small frown, and he knew that Louis wasn’t okay. It killed him to know that he had caused that. Still, whatever Louis was saying made no sense. How could he leave Louis alone? It had been easy when he’d been together with his mum, watching Love Actually, and ignoring the world. However, now he’d seen Louis again, in all his glory, and he couldn’t imagine his life without Louis. He did not want to.

“What? Leave you alone?” Harry asked, confused.

“I get it. You’re just starting to accept that you’re gay and stuff. But, I’ve been there, like, almost ten years ago. And I’m not going to be your ‘discover-yourself-charity-case’.”

“What?” Harry repeated. Louis’ words still made no sense. As if Louis could ever be just that. A discover-yourself-charity-case? More like, love-of-your-life-case.

“I saw the panic on your face when that bloke said those horrendous things. I get it. But, I can’t deal with it with you, and not be with you.”

“I’m not asking,” Harry started, but again, Louis interrupted him directly.

“We’ll e-mail to prepare our lessons together, and we’ll say hello in the hallway. That’ll be it,” Louis stated, as if Harry had no say in the matter.

“But,” Harry tried, but Louis shook his head.

“Don’t Harry,” Louis said, as he put on his beanie.

“But Louis,” he tried again, and he knew that he sounded absolutely desperate. His desperate plea may have worked on his pupils earlier, but it didn’t work on Louis. He knew what was coming before Louis even opened his mouth.

“Please don’t.” Louis said, and he disappeared around the corner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, so... I never intended for this to be more than just two chapters, but I actually thought about this story so much when I was trying to fall asleep at night. So, one day, I just started writing again. I guess to give this story the closure it deserves? I'll add the final chapter in two weeks.


	4. Tape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, Harry and Louis aren't really talking anymore...  
> Liam suggests to go out with their group. Great idea, right?

_Harry,_

_Here are my preparations for year 8 and 9. See if there’s anything you want to add or change, and let me know. I already made a test about different text types which is attached to this message. I used the Scottish independence as the overall topic, since we’ve read about British politics last week. Feel free to use it in your class._

_Bye._

_Louis._

_Harry,_

_I’ll be dealing with some more literature this week, as you proposed in your previous message. Moby Dick sounds fine, so I already prepared a presentation about the author. Can you add the slides about the story?_

_Regards,_

_Louis._

_Harry,_

_I made two other versions of the test you sent me, since I’ve got the impression that our pupils are taking pictures of their tests. Maybe you should wait until I’ve done mine before you hand out yours again? Just an idea. The other two versions are attached to this message, so if you had any absentees last week, you can use them._

_Greetings,_

_Louis._

_Harry,_

_Here’s my lesson plan for the next two weeks for year 8 and 9. My pupils in year 8 are presenting their Pecha kuccha’s on their favourite British poets next week, so no tests then. In year 9 I’ll be dealing with primary and secondary sources when writing a paper. You already covered that last week I guess._

_I’ll get started on our exam, I’ll send you a first version by the end of the week._

_See you,_

_Louis_

 

Harry read the mail for a second time, trying to find any kind of warmth, or humour, or anything to hold onto really. But alas, no go. Louis made his message as dry as possible. That’s how the entire last month had been.

Harry had seen Louis, a couple of times while they were at school, but mostly he’d just ignored Harry. He’d received a courteous nod a few times, and that had been the highlight in his communication of the last month.

 

Eleanor and Liam had picked up upon their radio silence, since Louis never ate lunch with them again, and never went out with them either. Harry had to ask Eleanor if he they would mind to spend their lunch breaks with him again. He had never noticed just how much time he spent with Louis before, and it was almost strange to join Eleanor and Liam again on their daily lunches, even though they’d joined for every lunch the previous schoolyear. However, they’d been friends for so long that the awkwardness that Harry felt, disappeared after a few minutes. They were discussing trivial things, when all of the sudden Eleanor had asked him about Louis. Harry had shrugged, and Eleanor had advised Harry to give it some time, whereas Liam had told him to take matters into his own hands.

“I’m telling you Harry, you have to go and talk to him. Take action! He really cares about you, you know.” Liam had said.

“I know, that’s not the problem, is it now? He’s just refusing to talk to me at all. I’d rather not talk about, to be honest.” Harry had replied, and that had been it. Liam and Eleanor got his point, and they did not ask him anything else that was even slightly Louis-related.

That had happened three weeks ago.

The pupils noticed it as well. Normally, Harry and Louis would stand together in the hallway during breaks awaiting their pupils’ arrival, or they’d visit each other’s classrooms to wait for the other one for lunch. All of those interactions were a memory of the past, and the radio silence between the two of them was picked up upon by their pupils.

“Sir, on Thursdays you always had lunch with Mister Tomlinson, but not anymore. Are you fighting?” Perrie had asked during one of his classes.

“Yeah sir, you never talk in the hallway anymore!” Jade had added.

Harry had scolded both girls immediately, quite harshly, and told all of his pupils that his personal life was none of their concern.

 

 

He had to give Louis kudos though. If you are working in a school together, it really isn’t that easy to ignore someone who is teaching in the classroom next to yours. Louis, however, pulled it off.

 

 

 

“Let’s go out tonight, yeah?” Liam yelled when he walked into the teachers’ lounge on Friday. “School’s out. We should celebrate!” He looked at his colleagues with a hopeful face, but most of them ignored him.

A few colleagues mumbled something along the lines of ‘kids’, but surprisingly enough, Cheryl answered immediately.

“That’s a great idea Liam. I was going to perfect my couch potato behaviour, but dancing sounds so much better.”

Liam’s face lit up like a Christmas tree.

“Yeah? You up for it?” Liam asked with a huge smile on his face.

“That’s what I just said Liam, please pay attention,” Cheryl said sternly, and Liam’s face disappeared in a heartbeat. Cheryl was a classy lady, and it was quite clear why her pupils never mocked her. She just didn’t allow it. “Now, who else is going?”

“Dunno, to be honest, just announced it myself.”

“I’m in,” Steve said happily. “Clubbing, my scene.”

“Yeah, me too,” Eleanor added. “I’ve got so many tests to correct, that the only way to deal with that is to dance the night away.”

“How about you Harry, are you coming?” Liam asked, and Harry had already decided to go along, just because he needed to get out of the house. If he would spend another evening alone on his sofa, he’d go absolutely crazy.

“Yes I will,” Harry stated formally.

“I’ve got footie practice first, and then I’ll join you lot as well if that’s alright?” Greg offered, and the rest of the teachers just nodded.

“Sure, the more, the merrier, yeah?” Liam said, and the others nodded some more.

“So, where are we going?” Cheryl asked. “I need to know what kind of outfit to wear.”

“I vote for Tape. A classic, but always a good time,” Steve suggested.

“True. Never had a dull evening in that club,” Gregg pitched in.

“Brilliant. That means really dressing up, I’m totally up for that. What about Nick, or Louis?” Cheryl asked. “Shouldn’t we invite them as well?”

“We should yeah. I’ll text them right now,” Steve said, and he took his mobile to do just that.

Louis might come too then. Harry was not sure how he was supposed to feel about that. Happy? Disappointed? Angry?

He settled for nervous.

“So, Tape it is then. I’ll be there around ten,” Eleanor said happily as she took her bag, all set to go home. “I’m looking forward to it my dear colleagues! Dressing up, dancing, drinking. I love it!”

“Dito,” Liam agreed, and the rest seemed to follow suit. “See you guys in a couple of hours.”

 

 

A couple of hours later, Harry was dancing with his colleagues. Selena Gomez’ ‘It ain’t me’ was playing, and Harry was giving it his absolute best. He loved dancing, and even though he wasn’t a true dancing queen, it did seem like the perfect opportunity to forget about Louis.

Because, yes, Louis was there. Obviously, he looked incredibly good, wearing a sporty yet classy outfit, combining his usual black and white sneakers with a pair of fancy grey trousers and a white t-shirt. Nothing special, and yet to Harry he looked as if he’d just walked on a runway somewhere. However, Louis was his cool self. He’d just nodded at Harry when he’d arrived, and that had been it.

Harry understood. They were not really talking, so it would be weird to say or do more than that.

Upon arriving, Liam had insisted that every member of the teaching team joined in a shot every hour, and obviously, gradually everyone had become slightly intoxicated. Cheryl was the worst, and she clearly could not drink that much. Liam had taken her to a booth twenty minutes ago, and right now they were slowly dancing, although it looked as if Cheryl was just hanging or leaning against Liam, and the latter was just smiling drowsily. Eleanor was clearly drunk as well, but she obviously was an energetic drunk, and she was dancing as if her life depended on it. Steve, Harry and Greg had joined her, and so the four of them were in the middle of the dancefloor.

Louis had brought Niall, his flatmate. The two of them had joined the group of colleagues for a bit, and had stayed near the bar when Harry and the rest of them had gone to the dancefloor.

Harry did not really understand why he’d brought Niall, but decided not to care, not to think about anything Louis-related.

He had four rules:  
1\. Don’t look at your phone, you’ll seem desperate.   
2\. Don’t look at Louis, you’ll seem hopeless.  
3\. Have fun, and smile. You look the prettiest when you smile.  
4\. Dance dance dance.

When the song was over, Harry decided that it was time for another drink. Since Liam was too focussed on Cheryl, it was quite obvious that the entire let’s-do-one-shot-every-hour plan was not that important anymore. The rest of the colleagues were on their own to get drinks now. He went to the bar, and ordered a Vodka martini.

“Shaken or stirred?” The bartender asked. He was quite fit, and looked a lot like John Boyega. Harry thought he was quite pretty, and he’d noticed that ever since he’d cancelled the wedding, he’d been paying more attention to checking out boys. It was new, and it was quite fascinating. However, none of them were even close to Louis’ beauty. This bartender was the first one to even come remotely close to being as pretty as Louis.

“Do I look like I give a damn?” Harry replied cheekily, quoting Daniel Craig. The bartender grinned, and shook his head.

“Well well well, finally someone who gets the reference. It looks like we’ve got the new mister Bond right here,” the bartender said, and he started working on Harry’s drink.

“Waw, that’s some high praise,” Harry replied, and he could feel himself blushing. He looked down to hide it, even though it was pretty dark in the club.

“Well, you’ve certainly got the looks to play the new Bond. I wouldn’t mind watching you upon a big screen for two hours,” the bartender said with a huge grind, as he handed Harry the drink. When Harry took the drink, the bartender’s fingers touched Harry’s, and he did not immediately withdrew his hand.

That was… interesting. He was flirting. The bartender was officially flirting with Harry.

Harry remembered his four rules, and there was nothing in there about flirting with fit bartenders.

“Uhm,” Harry said, eloquent as ever.

“Sorry, that was a bit too forward, probably.”

“No no, it’s most definitely okay, I just couldn’t come up with a smooth reply to match yours though,” Harry said, hoping to sound a bit endearing. The bartender smiled, and Harry considered it a win. A group of girls arrived at the bar, and the bartender smiled to them to take their order. Harry took a sip of his own drink and wondered what to do. He liked the flirting, he couldn’t deny that, but a one-night-stand wasn’t really his thing. Plus, he’d never been with a guy. His rules definitely did not help him out with this question.

“So, you here alone?” The bartender asked as soon as he started working on the drinks that the girls Harry’s left had ordered.

“Uhm, well, here with a group of colleagues actually,” Harry pointed at their group upon the dancefloor. “Celebrating the weekend and all that.”

“Looks like a fun group,” the bartender said, and Harry nodded. That was a spot-on observation.

“Yeah, they’re all brilliant, Working is a lot more pleasant when you’ve got crazy colleagues like that.”

“I know the feeling. So I guess that means you did not bring a date then,” he concluded, and he smiled at Harry. Yeah, that was one beautiful smile right there. The John Boyega lookalike really was quite pretty.

“Nope,” Harry grinned, and at that moment he felt Louis’ presence next to his even before he saw him. He turned, and indeed, Louis was standing on his right.

“I’ll be with you in a second,” the bartender said to Louis, and Louis just shook his head.

“I don’t need anything from you. Neither does this one right here,” Louis pointed at Harry. “You’ve given him a drink. Job well done. Now let the poor boy return to his friends.”

“What?” Harry asked confused. What was Louis saying? Why was he even here? “What are you talking about?”

“Harry, we all know that you are too polite to turn anyone down, except for me, obviously.” Louis talked a bit slower than usual, and it was obvious that he was drunk.

Liquid courage, that was the only reason why Louis was talking to him.

“Oh, so _now_ you want to discuss it?” Harry asked, a bit angry about Louis’ behaviour. “Now you want to talk about this, in the middle of a club while I’m talking to someone else?”

“I’ll just,” the bartender started, and then he just shrugged. He walked off to another group of girls lining up to order.

“Are you still in love with me?” Louis asked, and he said it as if it was an accusation, sounding almost angry.

“What does that have to do with anything? I was just talking to him, that’s all,” Harry answered a bit frustrated. “All of this is no big deal. Why do you care anyway?”

“You’re not answering my question. Are you still in love with me?” Louis repeated, a bit louder this time, still angry.

“Yes,” Harry whispered, and he nodded as well, knowing perfectly well that Louis wouldn’t be able to hear his yes. He looked down, feeling ashamed of his confession. He turned to look at his colleagues, not quite ready to face Louis again.

“Good,” he could hear Louis reply and Harry needed a second to find enough courage to look up to Louis.

When he did, Louis was gone.

Confused, Harry returned to El and the others on the dancefloor, trying to spot Louis. He remembered his rules and so he danced danced danced, allowing him to turn around the entire time, scanning the club for a sign of Louis. But he was nowhere to be found, and neither was Niall. They’d left.

So, he didn’t care about Harry. He cared whether he flirted with other people, but not about Harry himself. So, Harry told himself that it would be better if he did not care either.

Not an easy plan, that.

But, he had to try, right? He was not going to care. A cute guy had been flirting with him, for the very first time. That was something to care about, something important. That was a milestone, really, and Harry was going to take advantage of it.

That was a very easy plan.

It took a bit of pep talk to actually find the courage to act upon this plan, but he kept on repeating the same words. A cute guy had flirted with him. He danced to another song, and kept on thinking of his plan. A cute guy had flirted with him. He danced to another song, and thought of his plan again. The cute bartender. Finally, half an hour later, Harry had gathered enough courage to completely push Louis to the corner of his mind, and act upon his new plan: taking advantage of the cute flirty bartender.  

“Sorry for the interruption earlier. I’d really like to try again, if you don’t mind?” Harry asked smoothly.

“Sure 007, I’d love to,” the bartender grinned. “It seemed a bit awkward, so I thought it was best to leave you alone.” The ‘it’ obviously was the conversation with Louis that had appeared out of the blue.

“Yeah, someone from my past. It doesn’t matter,” Harry said casually, although he was lying. It did matter. Louis mattered so much. But not right now.

“Always annoying if you bump into an ex,” the bartender agreed. An ex. As if Louis was an ex.

 “Can I have another vodka-martine please?” He asked, completely ignoring the comment about the ex.

“That depends. My shift ends in exactly three minutes, and then I’m going home.”

“Oh, so you’re not fixing any more drinks then?” Harry asked, a bit confused.

“No silly. You wouldn’t be able to finish your vodka-martini in three minutes, which would make it hard for you to join me when I’m going home,” the bartender said, and then he winked.

 _Oh_.

So, this was an invitation.

He was asking Harry to come home with him. That would mean sex. Like, sex with a man.

Right. He’d have to lose his male virginity at one point. Was that even a thing? It would be a first, so virginity seemed to be the appropriate term. Maybe with a one-night-stand would be perfect for that since it wouldn’t be so awkward, because then he’d never have to see the guy again. He wouldn’t have to say it was his first time, no need to have that type of conversation.  He’d just get fucked, and see how it’s done. Yeah, that wasn’t such a bad idea, was it now? More like the opposite.

Sex with a John Boyega lookalike. That would be a great idea to get Louis of his mind.

“Mmmm,” Harry said, pouting his lips and pretending to think. “What do you want to do at your place? Can I get another drink there?”

“Yes. A free one. And then I’d do a full body check to see whether you’d make a decent 007. You know, you seem quite fit, but I can’t tell as long as you’re fully dressed.”

Okay, straight to the point. And still with the 007 references, which Harry thought was awesome. Yeah, Harry could play the part. He was a big James Bond fan after all, so that knowledge would come in handy now. The sex would be an added bonus.

The bartender kept on looking at Harry as if he were a piece of raspberry cheesecake brownie. Because of the alcohol, Harry did not mind at all, quite the contrary, it made him feel quite confident. It also gave him the courage to continue their conversation with another Bond line.

_Let’s see if this guy knows his classics._

“You shouldn’t stare,” Harry offered, wondering if he’d take the bait.

“Well, you shouldn’t look like that,” the bartender replied in a heartbeat, and that had been the exact same line 007 had used in Spectre. Yup. It was settled now. Harry was so going home with this guy.

“Let me just get my coat, and say goodbye to my friends,” Harry said, and the bartender nodded. Bartender. Right, maybe he needed a name first. “Who should I tell them I’m going home with?”

“Well, my friends call me Mitch, but I guess you can call me Le Chiffre,” the bartender shot back smoothly.

Another reference. This guy was good, and Harry just smiled as he walked over to his colleagues. When he got to Steve and the rest of them to say goodbye, they were still dancing heavily, and they just waved at him. Within a minute, he was standing outside with Mitch.

As he joined Mitch in the taxi, he felt his hands upon his thighs within seconds. Mitch winked at him, and started nibbling Harry’s ear. Mitch wasn’t Louis, but it felt good nonetheless, and so he let it happen, and enjoyed the feeling. Harry let out a moan, and put his hands on Mitch. He finally realized what he was going to happen. Sex. With a man.

It had to happen once, right?

Might as well.

 

 

The next morning, Harry woke up in an unknown bed, with a naked guy next to him.

Right. The bartender. Mitch. The taxi ride. The sex.

The awfully terrible, and mostly very quick sex.

It had been awkward, and Harry’d had no idea what he had been doing or what was going on most of the time. It could easily be summarized it in one word: uncomfortable.

Mitch was laying on his back, snoring loudly. He still looked quite fit, but now that Harry’d seen his ridiculous sex face, there was no way he’d ever take him seriously again. Harry hoped he was still fast asleep, and the only thing he wanted was to get out as soon as possible. He did not need to talk to him or anything, he just wanted to forget all about. Slowly and quiet as a mouse, he crept out of the bed and he tried to get dressed.

When he closed Mitch’ door, he saw a girl in a black hoodie in the kitchen. She had long blonde wavy hair, and a slim figure. She hadn’t spotted him yet, since she was cooking something. Harry didn’t move, and wondered what to do. He really wanted to leave, but he had no idea how to get to the door of the flat without being seen by this girl.

“Mitch might be sleeping, but I could hear the door closing you know,” she said without turning around.

“Oh. Yeah,” Harry said, lost for words. He couldn’t really remember Mitch’ flatmate, and he was quite sure he’d never seen her before. Since this was his first night stand since, ever, he did not really know how to deal with flatmates.

“I’m Clare,” she said, and she turned and waved at Harry. “I’m making breakfast. Do you want some as well, or just a cup of tea?”

“Uhm, no thanks,” Harry mumbled, wondering how to leave. 

“Okay, I clearly messed up your walk of shame. I’ll turn around again, and then I’ll just pretend as if I’ve never seen you leave. How about that?” Clare asked, raising her brows.

Harry smiled. She seemed to be a mind reader, and a brilliant one. “That’d be great actually, cheers.”

“No worries. I’m Clare by the way, and it was lovely to meet you,” she said, and she did exactly as she promised, returning to her cooking on the stove.

A minute later, Harry was standing outside on the pavement again. He felt embarrassed about his walk of shame, about his relentless flirting with Mitch yesterday evening, and mostly, about the bad sex. If someone would hand him Hermione’s time turner right now, he’d gladly take it and erase every memory of the previous evening.

He took a minute to see if he recognized where exactly in London he was, when he realized that he was actually in Louis’ area.

Louis.

It had all been his fault to begin with.

If Harry hadn’t stupidly fallen in love with Louis, then none of the things of the previous night would have happened. He would have been happily married now. He wouldn’t be alone. He would still be talking to Louis, rather than having lost his best friend and colleague. And, most importantly, he would never had sex with Mitch, and he wouldn’t be standing there feeling absolutely embarrassed.

Feeling embarrassed was one thing, but feeling hungover was another. He couldn’t take care of the former just now, but the remedy for the latter was nearby. Realizing he was in desperate need of caffeine and something to eat, Harry entered a Caffè Nero, and got in the queue.

Five minutes later, he found himself standing outside of Louis’ flat with a coffee and a scone. He didn’t really remember deciding to go there, nevertheless, here he was.

Louis had sounded angry yesterday when he had asked Harry if he’d still been in love with him. That anger, and then Louis’ sudden disappearance had convinced Harry to sleep with Mitch. It really was entirely his fault that he was feeling so embarrassed now.

He took a bite of the scone, wondering if he should ring the bell.

“Harry?”

Harry turned around and saw Niall standing there, holding two cups of coffee and a Caffè Nero bag that most likely contained some pastries. “I thought I recognized you at the coffee shop, but I wasn’t entirely sure it was you. But, if I see what you’re holding, it must have been you.” Niall laughed, clearly not suffering from a hangover. To be fair, he left the club an hour earlier than Harry did.

“Yup, must have been me indeed,” Harry said awkwardly, holding up his Caffè Nero cup. “Guilty as charged.”

“Good taste, obviously,” Niall chuckled. “So, you coming up or what?”

“Uhm…” Harry mumbled, not really knowing how to reply. He’d been thinking if he wanted to ring the bell to speak to Louis, but now that Niall was here, the possibility seemed to have been taken out of his hands. Leaving seemed a bit rude, and Niall would surely tell Louis that he’d seen Harry outside, and that would be even weirder.

“Look, I only know Louis’ side of the story, obviously, but there’s one thing I know. You guys need to talk. And not in a stupid way about your classes or courses, but about the two of you. Because this,” Niall gesticulated heavily while losing his happy-go-lucky vibe, and going all serious, “whatever this is between the two of you, it really can’t go on like this.”

“But,” Harry started, and he immediately stopped. He couldn’t really say to Niall that it would be awkward to just show up out of the blue. Or explain every little concern he had right now.

“But what? You don’t even know yourself, do you now? Come on up, and talk. Things can only get better, right? I mean, for Louis at least. And the fact that you’re here makes me think that it could only get better for you as well.”

Yeah, see, Niall had a point. It could only get better. Because this non-talking situation was obviously going terribly for Harry. He wasn’t too sure about Louis, but by the way Niall sounded, Harry got the impression he wasn’t dealing too well with it either.

Strangely enough, his embarrassments and anger had disappeared completely. And so, when Niall opened the door to enter the flat, Harry followed him inside without even questioning it.

 

 

 

 

“Louis! Look who I found on my coffee round!” Niall announced, as he entered the flat.

Great way to put it indeed, and Harry was thankful that Niall did not mention that Harry had been standing on the pavement just in front of their flat like some crazy creepy stalker.

Louis was sitting on the sofa, looking all cute in his way too big green Adidas jumper. He looked up, and frowned when he spotted Harry and Niall.

Louis.

Oh dear God, he was going to have to talk to Louis. He clearly did not think this through at all.

Harry’s nervousness rose to new heights in a heartbeat.

“Hi,” he started, unsure of what to say.

“Hi Harry,” Louis said as he took his coffee from Niall. He did not seem angry anymore, like he had done yesterday. Right now, it almost seemed as if he was investigating Harry. “What are you doing here at this hour?”

“Getting coffee and a scone, isn’t that obvious? Don’t be so daft Louis.” Niall offered, and he pinched Louis’ shoulder. Louis just stuck out his tongue like the mature man he was. “Lads, I’m going to my room. Yell if you need something, yeah?”

Just like that, Niall disappeared and Harry and Louis were left alone. Harry’s nerves multiplied on the spot. They had to talk now, like, for real, and they hadn’t spoken in quite a while. The last normal conversation that they had shared, was on the tube when Harry had ditched Louis a few minutes after his love confession.

“You’re still wearing the same clothes as yesterday,” Louis remarked. He kept on looking at Harry, and sipped his coffee. “You didn’t sleep at home, otherwise you wouldn’t be in this neighbourhood, am I right?”

“Yeah,” Harry shrugged, and felt a pang of guilt. “Please don’t be mad.”

“Why should I be mad?” Louis asked.

“I just,” Harry started, unsure of what we wanted to say, and what he wanted from Louis right now. “I need to talk to someone.”

“Look Harry, I don’t know if it’s a good idea that you stay here.” Louis took a bite of his scone, and he didn’t say anything until he swallowed it. Harry didn’t dare to speak. “I don’t understand what you’re doing here.”

“I had sex yesterday,” Harry confessed. He don’t know where that came from, but now that he’d said it, it felt like a good idea. He’d felt so embarrassed about the sex with Mitch, and it had been so awkward. But who could help him with this? Who would be the only person he could discuss this topic with? Who was the only person he knew with experience with sex with guys. Louis. It made perfect sense to discuss this with Louis. It would be a good excuse for them to talk. No way Louis could decline him that. He was too much of a decent person to do that.

“I figured that much. The bartender?”

“Yeah,” Harry nodded.

“I really don’t want to know. Please, could you just go?” Louis asked, and he didn’t even look at Harry.

“No Louis, please, I really  need to talk to someone about this. I never had sex with a guy before, and I just.” Harry took a break, knowing what he was going to say next. He’d play an emotional blackmail card, and Louis wouldn’t kick him out that way. “I have some questions. It felt so uncomfortable.”

Louis’ neck snapped up and he looked him straight into the eyes, and his face full of concern.

“Oh my God, Harry! Did he hurt you? Are you okay?”

“Not really. Can I please stay for a bit? Please don’t kick me out.” Harry almost pleaded, and he knew he sounded desperate. It had been a low blow, to use this as a topic for Louis to get him to stay, but if it worked, Harry couldn’t care less. He’d get more time with Louis, and that was pretty much all that mattered right now. “I don’t want to talk about what happened between us or anything, I just need a friend.”

“Yeah, sure. A friend.” Louis repeated, and he nodded. Harry couldn’t read his face, even though he was trying to see how Louis felt about this entire situation. “Stay. We’ll talk.”

“Thanks,” Harry said, and he felt grateful indeed. Louis had told him to stay. That was a first good sign.

“I’d offer you a cup of tea, but you brought your own coffee, so that offer is out of the window,” Louis said, causing Harry to smile. This was the very first time that Louis made an attempt to joke around him. That was a second good sign.

“No, I’m good indeed. Still have a scone to finish,” Harry said, as he put his scone into the air.

“Do you need some jam with that?” Louis asked. “I prefer mine plain, but I’m sure we’ve got some jam somewhere in the kitchen.”

“No no, it’s okay. I already ate half of it anyway,” Harry shrugged, and he stood awkwardly next to the door. He wanted to enter the flat, to take a seat next to Louis, but he felt that Louis had to take the initiative on that. He really did not want to do anything wrong here.

He took a deep breath to realize the gravity of the situation. Here he was, alone with Louis, in his flat. A minute ago Louis had asked him to leave, so he’d better be careful not to mess this up.

Harry did not know where to start, and he took another sip of his coffee. Louis took a bite of his scone, and the two boys remained quiet.

“You wanted to talk,” Louis said about a minute later, and he smiled. “Yet you’re awfully quiet.”

“I, like, don’t really know where to start, if that makes sense?” Harry tried, as he raised his shoulders.

“Come and sit down Styles. It’s just weird that you’re still standing by the door.” Louis patted the sofa, and Harry walked over. Louis had used his nickname, and that had to count as a third good sign.

Harry felt relieved. Louis had told him to stay, had joked, and had used a nickname. All of this hadn’t happened in the last couple of weeks, and he couldn’t help but indulge in this glorious feeling.

“So…” Louis mumbled, and he raised his brows again, implying that it was Harry’s time to talk.

“So… This is going to be so weird,” Harry said, because it was going to be weird. “Remember, I’m here talking to you as a friend. I need advice.”

“Duly noted.”

“So, I slept with Mitch last night,” Harry started, and he could see Louis’ frown.

“The bartender?”

“Yup.”

“Why would you do that? I mean, I could see why you’d think he,” Louis said, but Harry immediately interrupted him.

“Louis, I need a friend. Please, just listen, don’t judge. Could you like, let me talk for a minute?” Harry asked seriously, and he could see Louis’ face going all neutral again.

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. Won’t happen again.”

“So, I slept with him. I was the first time I slept with a guy, and it was awkward. I mean, normally, I’m quite confident in bed, you know? With Camille, I knew what I was doing, and I knew how to make her come. But now,” Harry paused, and he noticed he was playing with his own hands. He always tended to do that when he was nervous. It was so strange to say these things to Louis of all people, but he needed answers. He kept on staring at his own hands, since he really didn’t feel like facing Louis. “I didn’t know what to do. I just, you know, followed along. And it hurt. It felt weird. And I wasn’t in charge. Normally, I’m always in charge.”

Harry took another sip of his coffee, and wondered what Louis was thinking about. He still was looking at his own hands, rather than looking at Louis.

“I like being in charge, but I didn’t know how to. I was so insecure, even though I was all confident when we were flirting in the club. And, you know, when he was inside of me,” Harry cringed at his own words, but decided to continue anyway, “I was so uncomfortable the entire time. So, I guess what I’m asking is, does that get better? I mean, is it possible to switch from following to being the one in charge? Is it normal that I didn’t get an orgasm when he was inside? And, is it normal that it feels so weird?”

He stopped talking, and took a deep breath. Dear God, had he really just said all of that out loud, to Louis?

“Harry, look at me. Look at me please,” Louis demanded, and Harry did as Louis asked.

Louis had the most beautiful eyes, really. Especially when he was looking at you with the most loving caring face humanly possible.

“I’m so sorry that you felt uncomfortable, and that you were insecure. But don’t forget, this was your first time with a guy. So basically, that’s like losing your virginity all over again. Sex is sex, yes, but the logistics are a bit different, and it’s normal that you felt a bit strange.”

“Yeah?” Harry asked, hopeful.

“Yes. It’s not okay though that you felt uncomfortable when he was, like, inside of you. That means he didn’t prepare you the way he should have. That’s just being lazy and selfish, and I can’t say I’m surprised that mister fancy bartender didn’t take care of you better.” Louis sounded just a little bit jealous when he said it, and Harry didn't mind at all. 

“So it’s not always like that?”

“Trust me Haz, it’s not. It can be great. If I feel another man inside of me, and he’s prepped me as he should have, it’s one of the greatest feelings in the world. If the person you’re fucking is doing it right, trust me, you’ll come. There’ll be an orgasm, and it will be absolutely fantastic. I know that I sound like a walking talking romcom cliché, but if you’re doing it with the right person, it’ll be great.”

Harry nodded, and finished his cup of coffee.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. I guess I just needed to hear it.”

“It’s just one of the disadvantages of a sleeping with someone you picked up in a club, isn’t it? That’s the same for boys and girls. If it’s a one-time thing, it can be fireworks and the lot, but it can also be hellish. And, that’s why it’s a one night stand. Because you don’t want to do it a second time.” Louis shrugged, and finished his scone.

“Alright. So, I just need to find the right person.” Harry remarked.

“It’s really that easy,” Louis said. When he put it like that, Harry believed him. 

“This is a weird conversation to be having,” Harry said, and Louis chuckled. Oh, how Harry had missed that sound.

“It sure is Styles. It’s fairly different than our usual literature talks.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry if this was too weird.” Harry used his puppy eyes, but Louis didn’t seem to notice.

“No no. Well, a bit maybe,” he shrugged casually.

“Yeah, it’s not something you normally talk about with your colleagues, right?”

“True, but you told me you needed a friend. So that makes it okay.” Louis said, and Harry really did feel relieved by these words.

“Alright. Thanks I guess, and sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

“Stop saying sorry, really. I totally understand why you needed to vent. I’m afraid I’m going to kick you out now though, Louis said, and he got up. “Not because your sex talks are too kinky, but I’ve got a footie match in half an hour.”

“Well, you can’t miss that,” Harry replied, but he felt the opposite. A footie game. Surely, this conversation was more important than a footie game? He really wanted to stay, and talk to Louis. He enjoyed the fact that they were talking again. He loved being so close to Louis and being able to smell him. He indulged in Louis’ smile, every time it appeared on his face.

If this talk had made one thing chrystal clear, it was that he had missed Louis. Big time. And even though this conversation was weird as fuck, he still wanted to stay.

Louis’ face went all serious again, and he sighed as well. “Look Harry, I know there’s a lot more to say, really, but I kind of need to change and get going.”

“Oh. Well, don’t let me stop you,” Harry said, and he got up as well. Louis took a few steps closer and placed himself right in front of Harry.

“Harry, we’re not done talking about this. Really,” Louis said, and he put his hand on Harry’s shoulder to emphasise his words. “Don’t feel bad about what happened.”

Harry took a second to let Louis’ words sink in. They were so incredibly double.

 _Talking about_ _this_? Harry had no idea if he was referring to Harry’s one night stand, or to their current situation of non-communication. _Don’t feel bad about what happened?_ Harry was clueless. Did Louis mean between the two of them, or between him and Mitch?

“Thanks for the talk,” Harry said truthfully, as he opened the door. He wanted to say more, stay longer, ask more, but Louis didn’t give him the chance.

“No worries. Bye!” Louis smiled, and just like that, the door closed.


	5. In France

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry realizes what a selfish twat he has been, and Louis goes on a Remebrance Trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the incredibly long wait! I've got tons of excuses, but basically none of them are serious :) I just have been enjoying myself the last couple of months. Sorry if there was anyone eagerly awaiting this chapter... But I don't think that's the case. Anyway, my resolution is to finish this by the middle of September, when school starts again. Yes! Enjoy!

**Hi sis, you busy today? Want to come over and chat a bit?**

Harry sent the text, and told himself he’d give her time to answer. He waited about five minutes for Gemma’s reply. Nothing happened, and Harry just kept on looking at his phone like he was in a trance. He waited, tapping his knee impatiently, and tried again, sounding a bit more desperate this time.  

**GEMS please come over!!!**

Again, he wanted to give her five minutes, but after about a minute, he could see that she’d read the message, but no reply came. He waited another minute, and then decided to call her.

 “Hi there brother, or should I say impatient twat?” Gemma opened up the conversation. She sounded a bit annoyed, and Harry immediately felt guilty.

“Sorry Gems, sorry, is this a bad time?” Harry asked.

“Yes.” He could hear Gemma sighing, and he felt bad about his impatient behaviour.

“Sorry! Sorry! I shouldn’t have sent that second message, and called immediately. Sorry!”

“Stop apologizing, you loser,” Gemma replied drily. “I was just discussing with Michal who needed the car most today, and whether we would have dinner together this evening. As soon as we had that covered, I was going to call you.”

“Ow.”

“Yes. Ow indeed,” Gemma replied smugly, and he could already picture that exact smug grin on her face. Harry rolled his eyes, as Gemma continued. “Now little impatient brother, what on earth do you need your dear beloved wise wonderful awesome sister for?”

“Well. Advice, I guess?”

“Advice. I can do that. What’s in it for me though?” Gemma asked innocently. “Michal is taking the car, so that means if I’m coming, that I’m going to use public transportation to get to you. That deserves some kind of reward, don’t you think so?”

“I’ll start working on some biscuits right now. They’ll be in the oven by the time you get here,” Harry offered. He knew that baked goods were the way to her heart.

“Biscuits. That does sound appealing.” Gemma stated, and Harry could hear the approval in her voice. He knew he’d won, but he was prepared to go one step further to convince her to come.

“I’ll make some hot chocolate as well. I’ll even use real chocolate. Just please, I need you sis,” he begged.

“Wow Harry, real chocolate and everything. Consider your sister slash therapist booked. I’ll be there in an hour.” Gemma said.

“Thanks Gems. I’ll see you soon.”

“Hush brother. No more small talk. Get started on those biscuits!”

 

An hour and a half later, the two of them were sitting in the kitchen. There were a few cinnamon biscuits left, but most of them had been eaten by Gemma while Harry had been telling her everything that had happened yesterday evening and this morning with Louis. Like, everything. Even the sex with Mitch, and then the conversation about it with Louis. Everything.

“So, he needed to get ready for footie and then I left. That’s pretty much it.” Harry finished his monologue, and he took a sip of his hot chocolate that was no longer hot. That’s how long he’d been talking.

Gemma just nodded, and took another biscuit.

“Well, this is the part where you offer me your advice,” Harry remarked cheekily, with a hint of humour in his voice. However, as soon as he’d said it, he knew he’d made a mistake. Gemma turned her head and looked at him with an enormously appalled face.

“Advice?” Gemma repeated, still looking appalled.

“Yes please,” Harry tried, in his sweetest voice.

Gemma got up and walked to the other side of the kitchen. She hopped upon the counter, and started fiddling with her fingers. “I don’t know how to say this Harry.”

“You sound mad, or disgusted. What is it? I shouldn’t have told you about the sex, right? It’s weird to discuss something like that with your sister, isn’t it?”

“Oh hush you,” Gemma snarled.

Harry obeyed, and the kitchen was filled with an awkward silence.

“Look,” Gemma started again, and she shook her head. “I’m not mad. Just, listen to me for a second, okay?”

“Sure.”

“I love you, you know that, right?” Gemma raised her brows.

“I do. I love you too. You’re the best sister in the world. You’re always so supportive. The way you talked to me on the morning of the wedding pretty much saved my life.” Harry answered truthfully.

“Okay, remember that.” Gemma hopped off the counter, and walked back to Harry. She positioned herself on a chair opposite of him, and she placed her hands upon his shoulders. Harry’s eyes were wide open, eagerly awaiting whatever she was going to say. He had no idea. None whatsoever. Something negative, that much was clear, but he did not know what to expect.

“You. Are. A. Selfish. Twat.” Gemma said sternly, and with every word she pinched his shoulder to emphasize her message.

“What?” Harry replied, shocked by her behaviour and her words.

“You are a massive selfish twat.” Gemma repeated, a bit louder this time.

“Selfish?” Harry repeated. He’d been called lots of things throughout his life, but selfish had never made the list. He’d always been a super caring person, keeping everyone’s opinion in mind, trying to keep everyone happy. Selfish was a word that had never been linked to Harry Styles before.

“Egoistical. Self-centered. Narcissistic.” Gemma offered, as if Harry did not know the meaning of the word.

“I’ve never been called that before,” Harry whispered. He was a bit shocked by Gemma’s strong words. Normally, his sister always had his back, but this was a first.

“Seriously, are you even listening to yourself?” Gemma asked, her voice loud and annoyed, “You are selfish Harry. Like, so incredibly selfish. What is wrong with you?”

“But,” Harry protested, but the words didn’t come.

“I mean, what kind of person talks about having sex to someone who’s in love with him? Who does that? That’s just mean. Cruel!”

“But, I felt so weird, and I needed someone to talk to. I just couldn’t,” Harry started,  but Gemma didn’t grant him permission to talk.

“I I I. Me me me… That’s what you’re constantly saying, how it’s hard for you. But have you ever taken a step  back and considered how Louis might be feeling? How Camille might have been feeling?”

“Uhm,” Harry murmured.

“No you haven’t, that much is obvious. The last couple of weeks you haven’t been thinking about anyone else. You’ve been so focussed on your own misery that you forgot the rest of us have feelings as well.”

“Sorry,” he said.

“Don’t apologize to me, you’re my brother, I’ve got to love you anyway, even if you are acting like a narcissistic ass,” Gemma shrugged, and that made Harry smile.

“You’re not mad?” Harry asked surprised. Her words had been pretty mean. Truthful, and wise indeed, but he was glad to hear that she still loved him.

“Try to understand Harry. I love you, but you’ve got to do something about your own behaviour, and make it up to the people that you’ve hurt. Especially Louis.”

“Make it up to the people I’ve hurt,” Harry repeated, nodding.

“Camille for example. You were together with her for a couple of years. You owe her so much more than just cancelling a wedding. You need to talk to her.”

“Yes,” Harry said. Gemma was right about that. He’d thought about reaching out, texting her to go out for dinner or something, but he’d just never sent the text.

“And Louis. Oh my God, especially Louis.”

“You think?”

“Harry, the way you sounded on your wedding day, I thought you were going to propose to him an hour after out conversation and still have your wedding party in the evening. You sounded so sure about your feelings.”

“I am sure about my feelings.”

“Are you though? Then why aren’t you together?” Gemma asked, raising her brow.

“It’s complicated,” Harry offered, and it was. It was super complicated.

“It’s not.”

“Yes it is. It’s very complicated!” Harry repeated, a bit louder this time.

“Trust me Harry, it’s not complicated. It’s you being selfish, and you being scared. Man up.”

“But,” Harry started, but Gemma cut him off again.

“Don’t try to talk yourself out of this one Harry. You wanted my advice, here it is: stop being selfish, apologize, apologize as if your life depended on it, and stop making things complicated.”

“Can you write that down please?” Harry asked, trying to lighten up the mood. He gave Gemma his best fabricated smile.

“No jokes now Harry,” Gemma said, and as usual she saw straight through him. “You’re better than this. Do something.”

“Uhu,” Harry said, for lack of a better reply. Gemma got up, and took her jacket. “Are you leaving already?”

“There’s nothing more to say Harry. We can discuss this for another hour, but I’ll just eat all of your cookies. My advice won’t change.”

“Yeah, that part is clear.”

“The ball’s in your court, and you’ve got work to do. The sooner you get started, the better.”

“What should I do then?” Harry asked. Because. What should he do?

“Something. Anything.” Gemma said, and she gave him a hug. “Don’t wait. It’s really not that complicated.” Harry just nodded. As soon as he released her from the hug, she walked out of the door. “Action,” she yelled from the hallway.

Harry stood awkwardly in his own living room, staring at the door for a full minute. Action, Gemma had yelled, and Harry understood. He just was acting like an old-timer, and he needed some time to get started. He wasn’t moving, but his brain was working overtime. He needed action, and he needed to make amends.

Where to start?

He needed to apologize to so many people. Camille, his mum, Louis, and even Gemma.

About two minutes after Gemma had left, Harry walked to his desk and started writing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_My dearest Camille,_

_We didn’t get married, and we really did not get into it afterwards. I was a coward to let Gemma handle it, and you deserve more. So much more. That’s why I’m writing you this letter. Please, you might be mad at me, but read this. It’s all for you._

_Do you remember how we were in secondary school? Camille, you really were the coolest chick in class, and I didn’t understand why you wanted to hang out with me. You could skateboard, I couldn’t. You were sharp-mouthed, I wasn’t. You aced every subject, I didn’t. Yet, somehow, we clicked. I still don’t know why, but for some strange reason you seemed to like me. And God knows I liked you._

_I thought you were a breath-taking creature, always challenging me, always making me laugh._

_Do you remember the ball our school organised when we nearly graduated? I thought you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, and I was just so proud, so incredible proud, that you were my date. All the boys were looking at you, and I was so happy that you had chosen me. We laughed so much that evening, made fun of every single outfit, and we danced with all my quirky moves that you found adorable. Every other girl found my dance moves absolutely ridiculous, but you used that word: adorable. It still puts a smile on my face today._

_You got me into music, and that still is a big part of me today. When we met, I was always singing along to every stupid song on the radio. One day, you pointed out that the lyrics should mean something as well, that the writers should have made an effort rather than just using a catchy beat and lazy rhyme words. You made me listen to lyrics, and I still do that today._

_When we got our A-levels, we took a trip to Brighton to celebrate. It really was an unforgettable trip, thanks to you. Do you remember, when we were at the pier, that we came up with a horror story for every single couple walking there? Oh my God, we laughed so much that afternoon. And, I think, that’s the weekend I ate the most ice cream in my life. Just that afternoon on the pier we had three cones, each time two different flavours. That’s also something typical for you: you always made me test new things. Even though I loved chocolate ice cream, you made me try the different flavours, claiming I had to broaden my horizons. Since that weekend, I always chose mint-chocolate ice cream. I still do today, and every time I eat ice cream, I think of you. This won’t change in the future._

_Maybe our ending isn’t what we should remember Camille, but those wonderful moments from our beginning. I really loved you, and I still do. You were my best friend, and I can never be sorry for the lovely times we spent together. I just wasn’t in love with you, and I think you feel the same._

_I’m really hoping we can be friends again, at one point. Maybe go out for some coffee together, to catch up. Or some ice cream, perhaps?_

_I’m sorry if I caused you pain. Just know that I never deliberately meant to hurt you. You have been a huge part of my life, and I can never regret you._

_All the love,_

_Harry x_

 

 

 

 

As soon as he wrote his name to sign off the letter, Harry jumped up to get out on the streets to mail the letter immediately. No time like the present, right? As he ran down the stairs, he was once again reminded by Gemma’s words. ‘Action’. That was exactly what he was doing now, and he felt quite pleased with himself.

More than that. Harry felt productive, and resigned. He was doing what was right now. Saying sorry, and making amends.

Action.

He put the letter in the post-box down the street, and he walked on towards Louis’ place in a hurry.

 

“Hello?” Niall’s voice asked through the intercom twenty minutes later.

“Hi, it’s Harry again,” Harry said, “Is Louis there?”

“No,” Niall replied, and his voice carried a hint of anger.

“He’s still not back from his footie game? Have you got any idea when he might return? I really need to speak to him.”

“You wanker. There is no footie match,” Niall snarled.

“What?” Harry asked, confused.

“Do you remember the conversation you had with him this morning? You know, your glorious excuse to come here and talk to him? You killed him with that. He made up the footie match to get you to leave, you idiot. And, even if he was here, I still wouldn’t let you in. You selfish twat,” Niall practically yelled through the intercom.

A woman passed by Harry on the pavement, and she gave him a mean frown.

Yeah, a selfish twat. He’d heard that before. Thanks Gemma. Thanks Niall.

“I know. I’m so sorry. I’m really sorry about how I acted this morning. I’m here to apologize. Please, let me speak to him!” Harry begged. He had no idea if Louis was really gone, or not, but he still needed to try.

“It’s a bit late for that, I fear,” Niall stated drily.

“But,” Harry started, and then he saw Louis rounding the corner, on his way to their flat. All words disappeared, and he couldn’t do anything but stare.

Louis looked absolutely beautiful, just casually strolling in his typical sporty outfit, and Harry felt terrible that he’d hurt him. He had to make it up to him.

Louis hadn’t spotted him just yet, and Harry indulged in the sight of a carefree Louis in front of him.

“Harry? Are you still there?” Niall asked, but Harry didn’t reply. He was still watching Louis coming closer, and he knew it would be any second now before he spotted Harry.

“Louis,” Harry whispered as Louis started searching his pockets, probably trying to find his keys. Louis didn’t hear him, obviously, and he came even closer.

Then, everything happened really quickly. Louis pulled his keys out his pocket, looked up, spotted Harry, and the beautiful carefree look disappeared from his face.

“Harry? What are you doing here? Again?” Louis asked, all accusatory. Harry had literally seen his body tense the second he spotted him, and he felt awful that he was the one responsible for that.

“I’m sorry,” Harry began, and he remembered Gemma’s words when he continued, “I’m so sorry for everything. My behaviour on the tube. My behaviour the last few weeks. Our conversation this morning. I’m so incredibly sorry Louis. I’ve been so selfish, and you didn’t deserve any of it. I’m here to let you know that I’m going to make it up to you.”

“Ha,” Louis snorted, and he rolled his eyes.

“No, really, I’m serious about this. I’m going to make it up to you. All of it. You didn’t deserve any of it, and it’s entirely my fault. I truly am sorry, and I hope you can let me make it up to you.”

“Do you even know what you’re sorry for?” Louis asked hesitantly, frowning.

“Yes. For hurting you. For treating you like you were expendable. For talking to you about sex with someone else. For being so incredibly selfish. For giving you hope, and talking it away fifteen minutes later. For everything.”

“Everything,” Louis repeated blankly.

“I told you yesterday I’m still in love with you. But this is not about that. It’s about getting you to forgive me. That’s what matters most right now.”

“I’m still in love with you too, but there’s no way I’d want to be with you, You are, as you pointed out, too selfish for me. I’m working hard on getting over you, and it’s like… Well, basically, with our conversation this morning, you made that a whole lot easier for me. ” Louis stated drily.

“I get that. You’re right, who wants to date a selfish twat anyway? But, if you’ll let me, I’m going to make it up to you. That’s my first priority right now.”

“Glad to hear you’ve got your priorities sorted,” Louis snorted, but Harry spotted a grin, even though it was for just a second. That had to be a good sign, right?

“I’m going to go now. I’ll see you at school. Thanks for listening Louis, and once again, I’m sorry.”

“Be more specific. I’ve got a lot of things that I need to forgive you for. Give me something in particular,” Louis said.

“I’m sorry that you had to make up a game of footie just to get rid of me this morning,” Harry said earnestly. He really was sorry for that.

“Okay,” Louis sighed dramatically, making Harry smile, and he nodded, “that’s a first apology that I accept. But you’ve got a long way to go Styles.”

“I’m aware of that. Just you watch me!” Harry said with a small smile on his face, and he started walking. “I’ll see you tomorrow Louis!”

“Yeah,” Louis shrugged, and he stood by the door as Harry walked away. Ten seconds later, he turned around once, and he saw that Louis was still standing in the exact same position, looking at him leaving.

Harry smiled enthusiastically, and waved. Louis just stuck out his tongue, and Harry grinned. Not everything was lost. Louis had said that he was still in love with him. Okay, tiny little detail was that he was trying to get over Harry, but clearly, he wasn’t quite there yet, so there still was some hope.

Action.

Step 1 of the action planned had been completed.

_Good idea Gems._

 

 

 

Sunday evening, Harry spent on his desk, trying to prepare the lessons for the coming week, but also preparing his grand get-Louis’-forgiveness scheme. He checked Louis’ online school diary to see what he was going to do on his classes on the coming week, and he started working. Harry himself had the World War I trip this week, and he wouldn’t be in school from Wednesday until Friday. Louis, wasn’t going on the trip and would be teaching the entire week, so Harry might as well help him out a bit.

He prepared five different tests on all of the topics both he and Louis were going to deal with the next weeks. He made up a few extra worksheets with exercises for the gifted pupils, and he updated the powerpoints for the next weeks. All of this was material that Louis could use as well.

When he was done, he sent a simple message to Louis.

 

_Louis,_

_There are a few things you might be able to use in your English classes the coming week attached to this message. Extra exercises, powerpoints, and a few tests. I’ll copy everything and put it on your desk tomorrow. Do not get coffee._

_Bye x_

_Harry_

 

There. This was step 2 of taking action. A simple message, and yet this would save Louis a few hours of work. That had to count for something, right?

Monday morning, Harry arrived at school half an hour earlier than he normally would. He printed and copied all of the material that he’d worked on yesterday, and placed it neatly on Louis’ desk. Then, with ten minutes to spare before Louis’ arrival, he went to Costa and ordered Louis’ favourite coffee and a scone. He placed those on the desk as well, and wrote a little note.

_Sorry… sorry that your coffee is not hot anymore, but good morning to you Louis! Enjoy your week. Harry XXX_

He closed the door, and went to his own classroom further down the hall. When he was starting up his own presentation, he heard Louis’ door open, and Harry smiled to himself. Another action done.

 

 

Tuesday morning, there was not that much that he could do. He made his Costa visit again, to provide Louis with some breakfast, but that was pretty much it.

He saw a pile of the tests that he’d prepared on Sunday evening, and they were filled in now. That meant Louis had used them yesterday, which immediately lifted Harry’s mood. Without thinking, he put Louis’ pile of tests to correct in his bag.

He wrote another note, and returned to his own classroom.

_Sorry that I ran away when we were on the tube. To make it up to you, I’ve taken your tests and I’ll correct them this evening and mail you the scores. I’m going on the World War I trip the following days so no more breakfast from me. Sorry, once again. I’ll be back on Monday.  Harry XXX_

There. Another action done.

 

Tuesday evening, he corrected all of Louis’ tests, and that would be it when it came to getting Louis to forgive him for the next few days. Harry could finally start packing his suitcase for the compulsory Remembrance trip with Year 10. He would be gone for three days, visiting some of the most famous battlefields and cemeteries from World War I in both France and Belgium. Nick, being a superb history teacher, absolutely loved this annual trip, and since he was an English teacher, they’d asked him to come along last year. Lots of poetry was written during the first World War and it was Harry’s job to pass this message along to the pupils when they were there. Nick’s part was fairly obvious as a history teacher, since pretty much everything was history-related. Cheryl was coming, no surprises there, for all the communication in French. They’d had a blast last year, enjoying their free time in the sun. They’d tried Belgian beer and French wine, and they’d decided that next year there was no way some other teacher would be allowed to go on the Remembrance trip.

Nick had already sent him a few pictures of the outfits that he’d packed, so the two of them could dress up in coordinated outfits, something Nick considered to be hilarious. Harry was only happy to oblige. When he heard his mobile ringing while he was in  bathroom, he assumed it would be Nick. Surprisingly, it wasn’t Nick’s name that appeared on the screen, but it was the headmaster’s.

“Good evening sir,” Harry answered politely, wondering why the headmaster was ringing him at this hour.

“Yes, Harry, so sorry to disturb you at this hour,” the headmaster opened the conversation.

“That’s quite alright sir. Something I can help you with?” Harry asked patiently, even though on the inside he was boiling to know why he was calling.

“Why, yes. There’s a bit of a problem. Cheryl’s got the flu, and she can’t go with you on the Remembrance trip tomorrow. I’ve already made the arrangements to find a replacement, and I’m just informing you that you shouldn’t expect Cheryl at the bus tomorrow morning, but Louis Tomlinson.”

“Louis?” Harry repeated.

“Yes, Louis Tomlinson. Your English colleague will join you,” the headmaster confirmed.

“Louis? Why not Steve? He’s the other French teacher,” Harry asked rather aggressively. As soon as he’d said the words, he regretted using such a tone towards the headmaster.

“I’m afraid he couldn’t make it either Harry. He had a very good personal reason, and I believe I don’t have to inform you about that. Trust me, Louis will do fine. He can speak French as well, and he’s got family in Belgium so he’s the perfect replacement.”

“Yes. Sorry about that. Louis is just fine as a replacement, I don’t doubt your choice.” Harry stated, while still confused. Louis was coming on the trip?

“That was all Harry. Nick Grimshaw is still in charge obviously, but since Louis is new to this trip, that means that you are in second position. I expect you to make sure the pupils learn as much as they can during those three days.”

“Yes sir, that is most definitely the plan.”

“Okay, and I expect you to make feel Louis quite welcome in your team. It took quite some time to convince him that he’d make the perfect replacement,” the headmaster continued, and Harry understood perfectly what he was implying. Louis didn’t want to go at first, because Harry was on the organising team. Louis did not want to spend three days with Harry. Yet, the headmaster had convinced him nonetheless.

 

Harry kept on staring at his mobile. Should he text Louis? Should he ring him? Or just pretend to be surprised the following morning when Louis showed up?

No, that wasn’t on. Besides, the headmaster had probably told Louis that he’d inform the colleagues of the switch, so … He had to communicate now. But how? And what to say? Which tone? Such difficult questions when he should be packing instead.

He decided to finish packing first, and when he crawled into bed half an hour later, he finally sent Louis a text with what had to be the weakest pun ever. However, he was pretty sure Louis would find it funny.

_Welcome in the Remembrance Team! Headmaster just informed me. Thanks for taking over from our Cher-ill! See you tomorrow._

Louis replied within seconds.

_LAME!_

It wasn’t exactly a wonderful, deep or romantic conversation, but Louis had replied, and had replied pretty fast, so Harry was pretty satisfied with it. He fell asleep with a smile on his face, knowing he’d travel abroad with Louis tomorrow.

 

 

 

“Styles, you ready to rumble?” Nick asked enthusiastically when Harry arrived. “Remembrance Trip Baby! Let’s make it a trip to remember!” Harry just smiled, and went to drop of his luggage. Nick was way too excited at this early hour. It was a quarter to six, and the pupils were expected at six o’clock.

As soon as he’d placed his bags into the trunk of the coach, Nick gave him a list of names. “This is your group. You check whether they have their ID before you let get on. If they don’t have their ID, they can’t go.”

“Yes Mister Grimshaw,” Harry said in his most student-like manner.

“Don’t mock me. This is serious business. We need to cross the border so they need their IDs. Now, if you’ve seen it, you place an x on the list in front of their names. If the entire list is filled with x’s, we can leave.”

“ID. Coach. X. Got it,” Harry nodded, and he placed himself strategically next to the entrance of the bus.

“We’re quite early, so I guess the first pupils will arrive in about ten minutes. Did the headmaster also call you about Cheryl and Louis?”

“Yeah, he did. Sucks for Cheryl.”

“Yeah, her loss. However, you must be pretty excited that Tomlinson is coming with us, right?” Nick asked. 

“Why?” Harry asked. Was it that obvious? Did Nick know?

“I mean, why not? You two get along well, don’t you?”

“So do you two!” Harry said, his tone accusatory.

“Wow, chill Harry. I didn’t mean anything by it. I just meant, you know, we like Cheryl, and I’m gutted that she’s not coming, but, like, Tomlinson is a good replacement. I thought he’d fit right in?”

“Yeah, that’s what I meant as well,” Harry tried.

“You’re so full of shit. I’m assuming you didn’t drink your morning coffee just yet and that you’re still a bit grumpy,” Nick said, and then he pointed to the other side of the street. “Speak of the devil. There’s Louis. Over here mate!”

Louis’ face looked equally grumpy. Harry knew he wasn’t a morning person at all, and there were huge bags under his eyes. His hair looked as if he’d forget to do anything with it for the last three weeks. Yet, Harry thought he looked great, as usual.

“Greetings colleagues,” Louis said, his voice still rough.

“Hiya Louis. I’m quickly going to explain the departure procedure. Harry, can you take Louis’ bags and pop them in the trunk of the coach?”

“Yes sir,” Harry obliged, and Louis gave him the bags without even looking at him, fully focussed on the Nick’s explanation.   

When Harry returned two minutes later, Nick was still talking. “So, as soon as the coach is on board of the ferry, all of us will go to the passenger deck. Then I’ll walk you through the first day once more, so you know what to say and what we are going to visit.” Louis nodded, and did not look at Harry. “Here’s your list. Remember, you need to see their identity cards.”

“Got it.” Louis said, and he sighed. “Grimshaw, you better buy me some coffee on the ferry. You’ve given me a shitload of information, and I’m still half asleep. I know the coach part, but you need to explain the rest once more I’m afraid.”

“No worries,” Nick smiled, “Plenty of time for that on the ferry. Most of the explanations will be taken care of by tour guides. You just focus on the pupils, making sure that we don’t lose anyone on a cemetery, because that would make a great headline.”

Harry smiled, because Nick did have a point there. He could visualize it in the papers already: ‘Remembrance trip to never forget: British teachers lose pupil on war grave cemetery.’ Louis just rolled his eyes, and ignored Harry’s giggle.

“Just remember, today we are going to France. Tomorrow we are going to Belgium,” Nick finished his explanation.

“Identity card. Ferry. France. Belgium. Got it.” Louis repeated blankly.

“Styles, Tomlinson, let’s make this a Remembrance trip to remember!” Nick exclaimed, and Louis shook his head disapprovingly. Harry couldn’t help it if he found this incredibly endearing.

Three days oh so close to Louis. Harry hadn’t decided whether that was going to be heaven or hell, all he knew is that he was truly fucked, and that Louis wasn’t going to make this easy for him.

 

Indeed. During the bus ride, Nick took a seat next to Harry, and the two of them discussed which pupils deserved some extra attention, and which mistakes they made last year. Harry tried at one point to join Louis into the conversation, but when he looked to Louis, he saw that he was sleeping.

Once they got out of the coach in France, the tour guides were waiting for them, and time just flew by. They visited a war crater, different war graves cemeteries, and a memorial. Each time, the guides split the groups in three, and Harry followed his guide and his group. He listened, and added extra information whenever he could. He focussed on pupils who weren’t listening, and he made sure everyone wrote down the answers in their fieldtrip booklet. Each time they arrived at the coach again, he counted his group members, and that was pretty much that. Harry did not even get a chance to talk to Louis all day long.

An so, at the end of day one, all three men were seated in a hotel bar in France once all pupils had been sent off to their rooms.

“So, that was day one,” Nick said.

“Is it always this exhausting?” Louis asked, as he took a sip of his drink.

Both Nick and Harry nodded. Yup, last year, Harry had needed three days to get back on his feet after an exhausting trip.

“You’ve got no idea. You think you’re really done for the day? We are just going to finish this drink, and then we are going back up to make sure all of our pupils are asleep. We have to take turns posting the hallways, to make sure they’re not up to any shenanigans.”

“Shenanigans?” Louis repeated, frowning. “Did you really just say that?”

“Yes Mister Tomlinson, I sure did. Our school’s got a reputation to maintain, and we’d like to come back here next year.” Nick explained enthusiastically.

“What do you think they might do then? They’re all decent kids, aren’t they?”

“Well, in a worst-case scenario, we end our trip with a teenage pregnancy. Let’s try to avoid that, shall we?” Nick offered with a huge smile on his face.

“I’m pretty sure that would make the trip really worth remembering,” Louis chuckled, and Harry couldn’t help but join in. It was pretty funny, and Louis’ face was just so pretty when he smiled.

“Ah, you’re laughing. You’re still awake then Styles!” Nick remarked. “You’ve been awfully quiet today.”

“How would you know? We spent the biggest part of the day in our groups.” Harry replied, a bit harsher than he intended.

“Wow, chill, I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I just meant that we’ve been talking for five minutes and you haven’t contributed anything useful to the conversation. I expect more from you Styles.”

“Don’t be a douche Nick,” Louis said, and Nick just smiled.

“Oh dear God, Styles and Tomlinson are ganging up on me. I’m so scared!” Nick yelled all sarcastically, and immediately his face went all serious again as he stood up. “Look, I’m going up already since I finished my drink already. I’ll take the first shift in the hallways. You girls decide who will come and release me in 30 minutes, yeah?”

“Sure.” Harry nodded calmly, and Nick walked to the lift. He had to give himself kudos right now, because he seemed to be pretty calm, but on the inside his mind had just exploded. Nick leaving meant that he and Louis would be alone. Alone, in a hotel bar, late at night.

What would he say? What should he say? What would they discuss? Something serious? Harry could just tell him the anecdote about how last year they had caught two girls in the hallway who had been trying to get to one of the boys’ rooms, and who had started crying as soon as Harry spotted them. It had been obvious that the crying was completely fake, but it had taken Harry about five minutes to make them stop.

Right.

“So,” Harry started, stressing the o as long as possible, smooth as ever.

“Well, I see you left your eloquence in England,” Louis deadpanned.

“I don’t know really know what to say, to be honest,” Harry admitted. Honesty was the best policy in situations like these, right? Where was Gemma when you needed her?

“Neither do I,” Louis shrugged, as he fixed his fringe.

So they did not say anything at all.  

Harry took another sip of his drink.

Louis took another sip of his drink.

Neither of them spoke. They just sat in silence.

Strangely enough, it was a very comfortable silence. Harry did not feel the need to fill it, and both he and Louis relaxed in their seats. Two times Harry found the courage to look at Louis, and each time, as soon as Harry’s eyes landed on Louis, he looked back, looking straight into his eyes. Harry did not look away immediately, and the two of them just looked at each other for a few seconds. Both times, it was Louis who broke the eye contact, and Harry’s heart seemed to jump right out of his chest.

Harry got both of them another drink, and both men checked their mobiles for a bit. Again, there was some eye contact, but overall, it was just soothing to sit together like this. After half an hour, Harry got up.

“So, Hallway duty calls. Do you want take this shift, or the next one?” Harry asked. He was a bit sad that this half hour with Louis went by so quickly, but it wouldn't be fair to leave Nick on hallway duty any longer then necessary. 

“You take this one, I’ll release you in half an hour. I’m a night person anyway,” Louis said.

“Cheers. I’m a morning person myself, so that sounds pretty good to me.”

“No worries. Enjoy your shift,” Louis offered.

“Thanks. I’m going to bed immediately after, so don’t take it personally if you see me disappearing into my room as soon as you enter the hallway in half an hour,” Harry explained. It was a huge hotel, and the hallways were gigantically long. He did not feel the need to pass the entire hallway again if he could explain it now in just one sentence.

Yes, he would have taken any chance to talk to Louis, even late at night in a hotel, but not after the most boring half an hour of hallway duty. He would be sleepwalking zombie already by the time Louis would appear.

“I won’t. See you tomorrow then,” Louis said, and he put up his drink, “thanks for the beer.”

“No problem,” Harry said, and he started walking towards the lift.

“And thanks for the comfortable silence,” Louis added. Harry heard the words and he immediately felt a smile appearing on his face, beyond his control. He quickly turned around to check Louis’ face for any trace of sarcasm, but he seemed to be totally genuine. Again, two seconds of eye contact passed ever so slowly without any words.

And then, Louis just winked at him, and the spell was broken. He pointed dramatically into the direction of the lifts. “Carry on Styles, hallway duty calls!”

So Harry turned around once more, and slowly walked away from Louis. The smile was still plastered on his face after Louis’ compliment.

That was progress, wasn’t it?


	6. Belgium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick, Louis and Harry are on a school trip in France and Belgium to remember World War 1 with their pupils.

When Louis’ alarm started beeping, it took him some time to remember where he was.

Right. France. Remembrance Trip. Harry.

The last week had been a super emotional rollercoaster. Really, the moment when Harry had walked out of the door the day they had discussed his first time, Louis had decided upon the spot that Harry was not worth it.

You don’t choose who you fall in love with. Nope, no choice in the matter whatsoever. Apparently, Louis Tomlinson was some kind of masochist, who fell in love with someone who made Narcissus sound like a pretty empathetic lad.

It had been pretty easy to deal with it when Harry was still with Camille. You know, suffer in silence and all that.

But from the moment on Harry had cancelled his wedding, it had been hard. Harry had admitted that he was in love with Louis, but it had been pretty obvious that they weren’t meant to be. Nope.

Louis did not want to be in love with Harry anymore. Harry’s big freak out and his general behaviour since their kiss was just appalling.

But you don’t fall out of love that easily now, do you?

However, last week Harry’s behaviour had taken a U-turn, and it seemed as if selfish Harry had left the building. He’d been honest, friendly, and had done a lot of small acts of kindness for Louis, like getting him breakfast or correcting his tests.

Yesterday, they hadn’t spoken all day. Obviously, this was Louis’ fault, since it had been his idea to just ignore all of it. The day had been so busy with several visits and guided tours that it had been super easy to ignore him. However, he’d seen Harry give him questioning looks several times throughout the day, and Louis had secretly loved the fact that he’d had an influence on Harry as well.

Last night, they had sat together in silence for almost half an hour. Louis had expected more excuses, some kind of explanation, maybe a question about the ignoring, or maybe another act of kindness from Harry, but nothing like that had happened. Instead he’d been quiet, and the two of them remained silent. Louis had actually thought this silence was awfully comfortable, and it had scared him a bit.

He thought about The Notebook. Harry had once mentioned it was one of his favourite films, and since he had lots of sister, Louis had seen it several times as well. It wasn’t really his cup of tea, but There was this one quote that he couldn’t get out of his head:

_Silence is pure and holy. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking._

He’d thought about it several times last night, when they were sitting in the lounge together. All of the sudden, last week’s resolution to get over Harry seemed a bit strange or stupid, because he’d found someone who he was comfortable with without speaking.

Needless to say, Louis was a bit confused.

Were this wicked games?

Was this the real Harry?

Who was the real Harry?

“Good morning my lovely colleague,” Nick sang enthusiastically as he entered the breakfast buffet. Harry and Nick were already there, and Nick was munching on his breakfast already. Harry’s plate and cup were still empty, so Louis assumed that Harry had only just arrived as well. “So happy you could join us. I already helped myself to some breakfast.”

“Morning,” Louis grumbled. He did not share Nick’s level of enthusiasm quite just yet. “How are you always so excited and happy at this hour?”

“It’s Remembrance Trip Louis. That means that we are _abroad_ , and the school is paying for it. What’s not to love?” Nick replied easily. Louis shrugged helplessly, because Nick did have a point there. It was pretty nice to be abroad without having to pay for it.

“I’m going to get some coffee,” Harry announced as he got up. He looked at Louis, “Should I get you some as well?”

Louis nodded, and took a place at their table.

“So,” Nick started as he was buttering his toast, “I’ll brief you about today’s trip, since I already enlightened our young Harold over there.”

Louis just nodded as he looked at Harry standing by the coffee machine. God, he looked absolutely beautiful this morning.

“Today we’ve got one more stop in France, pretty close to the hotel. Then we’ll be on the bus for an hour and a half, going to Belgium. There we’ll visit some actual trenches from the war, and a museum in the afternoon. It’s going to be a long day, because we’ve got our last activity planned this evening at eight, so we won’t be back in the hotel before nine o’clock.”

“Waw. That is a long day indeed.” Louis said, for lack of a better response.

“Yes, now, the good thing about today is the break we’ll be having for dinner. Since we’ve got an activity this evening as well, the pupils get a  dinner break that will last about three hours. That means we’ve got three hours too, which we’ll spend in a charming Belgian city with a local brewery. Now, you like beer, don’t you?”

“I do.” Louis said happily. That was most definitely true.

“Good. This evening, I’ll introduce you to the wonderful world of Belgian beers. Since I’ve been on this trip a few times already, I picked up upon some really tasty beers, and I’d be happy to teach you.”

“That does sound good, yeah.” Louis agreed, and he really meant it. While studying he’d only been able to afford the cheapest beers in the pub, but now he found himself in a different scenario. He could most definitely try some of these special beers.

“Is he telling you about the beers?” Harry asked as he joined the table again. He handed Louis his drink, and smiled. “Be careful. I listened to him last year, and I ended up being hammered. The beers are really good, but really strong as well, and you don’t want to be drunk when there are pupils around. Trust me.”

“You were drunk when there were still pupils around?” Louis asked a bit confused. He could blame Harry for lots of things, but a lack of professionalism was never one of them, so this sounded a bit weird. Drunk Harry, with kids?

Harry just shrugged, and pointed at Nick. “It was his fault, really.”

At that moment, the first group of pupils entered the breakfast room. They walked quietly to a table on the other side of the room, as far away as possible from their teachers.

“Oooh, don’t be a spoil sport!” Nick yelled dramatically. “It was hysterical! You were soooo funny! The pupils didn’t even notice.”

“No, that’s because Cheryl was even more drunk than me, and they were all laughing and filming her!” Harry explained. Louis grinned, because he’d seen Cheryl drunk before, and that indeed was pretty funny. “Now keep it down Grimshaw, there are pupils here!”

 “Well, shush Styles,” Nick said, as some more pupils walked in, “You are right about our precious kids arriving. We’ll discuss this later on. Tomlinson, be prepared!”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Harry said, raising his brows. Louis looked at him, and the two of them just stared at each other for a few seconds. Harry’s green eyes were enchanting, and Louis found it hard to look away. He’d always found it hard to look away, but after their comfortable silence yesterday it seemed to have become a bit more difficult. This was all so confusing.

“No eye-fucking while the kids are here,” Nick whispered, and he pinched Harry’s shoulder. “Let’s all go and see if all of our kids are here, or if there are some we need to go and wake up ourselves.” Harry looked away, and the three of them got up to start counting. Responsible teachers, that’s what they were.

An hour later, the three of them and all of their pupils were on the road again. Nick took the front seat because he needed to say a few things into the microphone.

“You two sit together,” Nick said to Harry and Louis. Harry nodded, and took a seat next to Louis.

“Is this okay?” Harry asked, a bit sheepishly.

“You don’t have to act like I’m some kind of porcelain doll you know,” Louis said. “Yes, you can sit next to me. As long as you can contain yourself and don’t start singing

“Say goodbye to France,” Nick yelled in his microphone, “and use your most fancy French accent. _‘Au Revoir la France’_!”

“Au revoir la France,” a handful of pupils mumbled in the bus. Their tone was, to say the least, quite the opposite of Nick’s enthusiasm.

“Again! You can do so much better than that!” Nick screamed into the microphone. “Repeat with enthusiasm, ‘Au revoir la France’!”

“Au revoir la France,” a bit more pupils said in the bus.

“That’s still not good enough my pupils. Come on, or I’ll stop the coach. ‘Au revoir la France’. 4 words, that’s all I need from you. Scream it! Yell it. Mean it! On the count of 3. 1, 2, 3!”

“Au revoir la France!” the entire bus screamed.

“Right. That’s the spirit. Do it again! 1, 2, 3,”

“Au revoir la France,” the entire bus roared.

“Well done lovelies! And today we’re going to Belgium. I can’t speak their language, but they’re pretty good at English, so we’ll just yell ‘Go Belgium go! 1, 2, 3,”

“Go Belgium go!” the entire bus yelled, equally loud and enthusiastically as Nick had done. Louis couldn’t help but smile. Louis was impressed by Nick’s passion and motivational technique. He knew Nick as a colleague, but it had become clear on this trip that Nick was a wonderful teacher as well. Louis was a bit envious of his relentless devotion and his intensity.

“He’s good like that, isn’t he?” Harry mumbled, voicing Louis’ exact thoughts.

“Yeah, he is. I always consider myself to be an active teacher, but he takes being active to a whole new level.”

“Yup. Makes me a bit envious to be honest. I just don’t have his energy,” Harry admitted.

“You and me both. But, you’ve got other qualities Styles, don’t worry about it.”

“I do?” Harry asked, a hint of surprise in his voice. He turned his head towards Louis, and Louis just shook his head, smiling. Only an angel like Harry wouldn’t be surprised about a confession like that.

“You know you do. Don’t go fishing for compliments, that’s your selfish side trying to pop up again.” Louis said sternly. And he meant it. It had been going so well. Harry didn’t have to ruin it by such childlike behaviour all over again.

“But,” Harry started, but Louis cut him off.

“Let it go. Now shush.”

Harry nodded, and just looked at him. Louis gave him a wink, and he saw Harry’s insecure smile transform into the most breath-taking beam he’d even seen. Louis couldn’t help but join him, and they drove in the direction of Belgium in comfortable silence, both looking like two grinning idiots.

 

 

“So, a long break for us, dear colleagues,” Nick announced as the pupils all started walking away. Nick had just given them directions on where to go and when they were supposed to be back, and where they could find the best places to get something to eat. Louis and Harry had been standing next to Nick, nodding firmly whenever he had said something serious. “A very long break. What on earth shall we do to entertain ourselves until 8 o’clock?” Nick asked, and he put his finger on his chin, pretending to be thinking.

“Shall we, I don’t know, go absolutely crazy and get something to eat perhaps?” Louis suggested playfully, as he was really enjoying Nick’s bright mood.

“Sounds a bit wild, doesn’t it? I like it!” Nick replied.

“Ooh, and we could even get a drink while we’re at it,” Harry chipped in, equally enthusiastically.

“I like the way you think Styles,” Nick said as he took his phone. “I already called a local brewery that has got a restaurant as well, and made a dinner reservation. We’re expected there within ten minutes, to have a five-course meal, all with different beers.”

“What? A five-course meal? Isn’t that expensive?” Harry asked, and Louis thought this was a valid question. Yes, they were earning money, but at the end of the day a starting teacher salary wasn’t all that crazy.

“Not that much. I’ve gotten us a discount since they remember me from last year. Obviously Cheryl’s drunk antics are to blame for that. And, with some creative accounting I can totally let the school pay for most of it.” Nick shrugged as if it was no big deal.

“You don’t think the headmaster won’t notice?”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, it’s really not that expensive. The school gives us £20 a day to eat anyway, and we didn’t spend any money today since we had breakfast in the hotel and took a packed lunch from there. So, really, I think we can all manage. Let’s not argue and just go and enjoy ourselves, yeah?”

“Yeah, let’s.” Harry agreed, and Louis nodded as well.

They might as well.

 

 

2 hours later, and Louis was drunk. He could easily down a pint, as he’d had lots of experience doing that while at uni, but these beers were a lot stronger. When he got up to go to the bathroom, he noticed just exactly how drunk he was when he was walking. Walking had become a bit tricky, to say the least. So, yeah, most definitely not sober anymore. Pissed.  

Harry was drunk as well, but somehow he did not seem to have any difficulty walking or even talking. Louis himself had noticed that his letter r started to sound a bit funny, which once again confirmed that he really wasn’t sober anymore. Pissed.

Nick on the other hand seemed to be completely sober. However, Louis had clearly seen that he’d drank just as much as Harry and Louis, but he just did not seem to feel anything from these strong beers.

“How is this possible that you are not affected? We drank some heavy stuff mate.” Louis said sloppily, as Nick was paying the bill.

“I’ve had several years of training my friend. Since I discovered these beers here on my first trip a few year ago, I was hooked. If you go to one of the bigger Tesco’s, you’ll find that they sell most of these beers as well, so I’ve got them at home. Practice my friend, practice.”

“Practicing to drink beer? You sound like a proper alcoholic,” Harry remarked and Louis nodded, because yes, Harry did have a point. Harry also seemed to have become even prettier than an hour earlier, but fortunately Louis was aware of the fact that his hammered brain was playing tricks on him.

“An alcoholic? Me? Coming from the both of you? Two sloshed lads?” Nick chuckled, “Forgive me if I’m not really insulted.”

“Where are we supposed to meet the pupils again?” Louis asked, trying to keep up the impression that he wasn’t totally out of it.

“Mister Tomlinson, mister Styles, the two of you are in no condition to see the pupils. We are going to watch a small daily memorial service for the fallen victims of World War 1. It’s serious, and I told the pupils about this in class. They’re all going to be standing there, filming the ceremony, so I can’t have you two standing there like the drunk fools you are right now.”

“Why not?” Harry asked, visibly hurt, even though Louis still had enough common sense to understand what Nick was trying to tell them.

“The pupils shouldn’t see you like that. They’ll film it, it will appear online somewhere, and we don’t want that. You guys go to the hotel already, I’ll be there with the pupils in half an hour. This ceremony thingy doesn’t take longer than ten minutes anyway, so I can easily wing this alone.”

“You can’t deal with that entire group of pupils alone. I should come,” Harry insisted, a little bit of anger in his voice. “That’s why I’m here.”

“Nope. You go to the hotel. You’ll do more damage if you join me, the both of you,” Nick repeated firmly, leaving no room for discussion.

“I feel like I should be insulted, but I can’t be arsed to care Grimshaw. If you say that I should go to the hotel, I’m going to the hotel,” Louis said. “You’re the leader.”

“Now that’s the smartest thing you’ve said all evening Tomlinson. You go, take Harry with you, and I’ll see you in half an hour.” Nick said, while putting on his coat. Before Louis or Harry had time to object, he had already exited the bar.

“But...,” Harry started saying, and Louis couldn’t help but giggle at Harry’s ridiculously slow uptake.

“Keep up mate, he’s already gone mate. You’re too late with your excuses.” Louis said, smiling.

“But,” Harry tried again, looking confused. “This is highly unprofessional!” Harry exclaimed, frowning.

Louis looked Harry’s seriously confused face, and burst out laughing.

“You’re such an idiot. Come on, let’s take Grimshaw’s advice and just walk to the hotel.”

“How did this all happen so quickly? Nick just totally abandoned us.”

“Yeah, well. He did have a point. We’re in no condition to deal with pupils right now.” Louis admitted, while they slowly left the bar. He took a deep breath when he walked out, and he wondered how he hadn’t seen this coming. That first strong beer should have been the only one. But, Louis had insisted he could handle it, and had confidently ordered a second one. Harry had suggested they’d try another brand as well, and so the third strong beer in an hour time had been served.

This really was their own fault.

“Let’s just go,” Louis said as he started walking. Harry clumsily walked behind him.

“Where’s the hotel? Do you remember your room number?” Harry asked, although the r still sounded more like an l. Even drunk, when Harry had obviously lost his coherent speech, he hadn’t lost his charm.

“I do. 24. You are in 25.” Louis said. He did not remember the exact way, but he did remember the room number.”

“You all so smalt Louis,” Harry said admiringly, and Louis suppressed a smile as he heard Harry’s speech. Really, he was already so gorgeous when he was sober. Was it necessary for this guy to be super cute as well when he was drunk? How on earth was he supposed to get over him? Life just wasn’t fair.

“Not really, but it’s easy to remember if the number is your birthday.”

“Oh.” Harry nodded as he tried to keep up with Louis.

“Yeah.” Louis said, for lack of words.

“We’re all alone Louis,” Harry quietly remarked. He stopped walking, and put his arm against the wall to hold his balance. “All alone,” he repeated once more, sounding quite philosophical.

“Obviously. Nick left us, and he did have a point. The pupils shouldn’t see us like this,” Louis replied, and he’d stopped in front of Harry. “You okay to walk Styles?”

Harry shook his head. “No. That’s not what I mean. _We_ are all alone.”

“Okay, that’s the exact same thing you nutter,” Louis chuckled, and he took Harry’s arm. “Come on boozy, let’s keep on walking.”

“No Louis,” Harry whined, even though he followed Louis’ pace. “You and me. Us. We.”

“Yes. You and me. Harry and Louis. The two awfully unprofessional drunk teachers.”

“Meant to be,” Harry sighed dreamily.

“Shut up!” Louis said. “Don’t get all sentimental on me, not this time. Not here.”

“But, you are so pretty Louis. Did I tell you that? You’re so fucking gorgeous.”

“Oookay, the booze has officially taken over your brain-to-mouth filter. You need to stop talking Styles,” Louis said, even though he did appreciate the compliment. It’s common knowledge that people who are drunk speak the truth, right?

“Silence again? That’s getting boring, we already did that last night Louis.”

“Yeah, well, look where that brought us.”

“Here. You and me. All alone.”

“You are making things very difficult for me,” Louis sighed. It was true. He had decided that he was going to try to get over Harry, but with statements like these and a fuzzy brain, it was very difficult to remember why he’d made that decision in the first place.

“You and me shouldn’t be difficult,” Harry mumbled, as he looked at the ground. He was playing with his thumbs and his steps weren’t completely even.

Louis knew that Harry was drunk. Louis knew that Louis was drunk. He should ignore these comments, because probably Harry would take them back tomorrow once he was sober.

“What can you do?” Louis asked, with just the tiniest hint of cynicism in his voice.

“I should try harder. I’m trying to make it up to you, and by being this drunk guy I’m just being selfish again,” Harry admitted.

“I’m equally drunk mate. No worries.”

“But,” Harry started again, but Louis was not in the mood for this conversation, so het interrupted Harry immediately.

“Mate, you need to stop talking, and you need a glass of water. Come on, we’re almost there.” Louis picked up the pace, and he could see Harry struggling to keep up. He did his best to ignore the voice in his head that told him to slow down for Harry’s sake, and he focussed on making it to the hotel as soon as possible. The less time he spent with this charming drunk version of Harry, the better.

“Yes Louis,” Harry agreed easily, and the two of them walked in silence the rest of the way. It wasn’t a comfortable one as the previous night though, but an awkward silence that got stressed due to the fact that the only sound they could hear were their own footsteps walking silently into the night.

 

 

 

When Louis finally crawled into bed that night, his thoughts were all over the place. He’d stood on the hallway for half an hour during his hallway duty, but he hadn’t moved an inch. A few doors had opened on his watch, but as soon as the pupils saw him standing there, they’d closed their doors immediately. So, basically, job well done.

When he’d gone to his room after saying goodnight and thanks to Nick, he’d downed three glasses of water to make sure he wouldn’t wake up with a hangover. He wondered what had happened to Harry, but now he just focussed on himself.

Normally, half an hour of hallway duty took forever, because you literally had nothing else to do besides waiting for the thirty minutes to painfully pass ever so slowly. But now, the half hour had seemed like half a minute. He’d been thinking about Harry non-stop.

Before the trip, he’d been sure. He needed to get over him, as soon as possible because Harry was a selfish twat. And Harry had even agreed to that description.

But after two days together, it was a bit hard to remember why he’d felt that way. Harry was just incredibly charming, and he was doing everything in his power to make sure he wouldn’t bother Louis. Except for tonight though, when he’d given his drunk thoughts on the two of them. Louis knew he shouldn’t believe what Harry had said when he was pissed, because after a good night’s sleep, he’d probably just deny it, or claim he didn’t remember.

Ugh.

Why was all of this so hard? Love was supposed to be easy, right?

Then, he heard a knock on his door. He jumped off his bed praying it wasn’t a pupil with some kind of emergency. He remembered when he himself had been in secondary school, and his friend Stan had vomited in the bed on a school trip. They had to wake their teacher as well, Misses Frampton, who was literally the ugliest spinster in the world. It had been a nightmare, as she had been a grumpy fifty year old lady, who wasn’t amused by their antics in class to begin with, and when the vomiting-thingy occurred, she had basically almost killed Louis when she opened the door. He still remembered the exact pattern of her hideous nightdress when she had opened the door all those years ago. The lecture that had followed had been equally terrifying, just as her nightdress.

So when Louis walked to the door, he sincerely hoped that there was no vomit to be cleaned up, and no one to take an embarrassing picture from the teacher in his pyjamas.

But none of that.

It was Harry.

“Hi Louis,” he whispered, and he looked extremely uncomfortable.

Louis didn’t say anything, just frowned.

“I just came to,” Harry started, but he stopped. He coughed, and looked down at his feet, up again at Louis, and then sighed deeply. “I thought it was, like, a good idea to come to your room, you know, to talk to you. But now that I’m here… I mean, I’m kind of regretting my decision.”

“This isn’t the time nor the place Harry,” Louis said. He meant those words. Whatever Harry’s reasoning had been, surely it wasn’t some kind of professional reason that brought him here. They had some stuff to talk about, but not here, and not now.

“But, you’re so close, and I want to talk to you, or you know, just be with you,” Harry confessed, and he looked like a hopeless baby giraffe. Right now, Louis was struggling to remember why he was trying to get over Harry in the first place.

“We should talk, granted, but not now. We are on a school trip,” Louis shook his head.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. I just feel like I keep on messing this up, even though I’m trying to do the opposite!” Harry whined hopelessly.

“Styles, take a deep breath. You’re trying to get me to talk to you again. Don’t make this about you.”

“Sorry,” Harry whispered sheepishly. “I’m so pathetic.”

“Just don’t. Go to your room. Get some sleep. And when we’re back in England, we’ll talk again. How about that?” Louis asked, trying to keep a neutral face. Inside, his emotions were all over the place. Harry was being selfish again, risking his and Louis’ job by having this type of conversation in the hallway next to some pupils. But, he was absolutely adorable with his sad look upon his face.

“Yeah. We’ll talk,” Harry repeated blankly.

“Just not in the hallway of a hotel, surrounded by pupils, right?”

“Yeah, you might be right,” Harry said, nodding his head slowly. He still looked extremely awkward to be finding himself in this situation. Louis wasn’t mad at Harry, so for some reason he felt that he couldn’t let Harry leave in this mood.

He deserved better.

“Don’t be so gloomy. Give me a smile Harry,” Louis said earnestly. He hated seeing Harry like this. “All is good. Nothing bad has happened.”

Harry gave him the fakest smile ever.

“Oh come on, you can do better than that. Don’t be such a cry baby. Just be grateful that you weren’t born a century earlier, or you’d have been fighting here, in cold and wet trenches. Lest we forget, and all that,” Louis said, with just a hint of cheekiness in his tone. They were on a Remembrance Trip after all. He might as well use it to his advantage.

“Oh, low blow Louis,” Harry said, shaking his head. “These people suffered, and we shouldn’t insult them.” But, slowly a small smile appeared upon his face.

“Yeah well, I got you out of your glum mood, didn’t I?”

“I guess you did. Thanks Louis,” Harry smiled, and Louis was happy to see Harry’s genuine smile rather than the fake one from a minute ago. “

“Anytime. I just love World War 1 chatter as pillow talk,” Louis said ironically.

Harry grinned, and Louis felt proud of himself for being the one to make that happen.

“Sweet dreams Styles.”

“You’re the last thing I’ve seen before I’m going to bed. I’ll have some sweet dreams for sure,” Harry said, and a naughty smile appeared on his face again.

“Too far!” Louis raised his hand and shook his head. “Again, you’re taking it too far. Go away Mister Styles.”

“I’ll see you in the morning mister Tomlinson,” Harry smiled and bowed, like, made an actual bow, and started walking towards his room. Louis just kept on shaking his head. What kind of a person was Harry Styles? Selfish, yes, but also an enigma, adorable, and intriguing as fuck.

What kind of a person was Harry? What was he trying to achieve with coming to Louis’ room? It was such a weird conversation.

And what kind of a person was Louis? Trying to get over him, trying to fall out of love, but constantly seeing the wonderful aspects of Harry’s character just as well. He had actively tried to keep the conversation going until Harry was smiling again. That’s not really trying to get over someone, right?

 

 

 

A few rooms further, Harry felt stupid, angry, disappointed, sad, and embarrassed. He had made a fool of himself, and he genuinely wished he had some kind of time machine to go back and convince himself not to go to Louis’ room.

He tried to get some sleep, but he kept on replaying the conversation they had. Louis obviously didn’t want to talk to him, but on the other hand, he hadn’t closed the door, and he’d even joked a bit before he’d sent Harry away. It was almost as if he hadn’t wanted Harry to go, but didn’t want him to stay either.

Harry stared at the ceiling for about an hour, and then gave up. He crawled out of bed, and took his notebook. Writing about his feelings always made him feel les awkward, and then he’d be sleeping in no time.

Harry stared at the blank page for a few minutes. Then, out of the blue, inspiration hit him and the words just came easily upon the piece of paper.

Meet me in the hallway

Meet me in the hallway

Just left your room   
Just let me know I'll be at the door  
Hoping you'll come around  
Just let me know I'll be on the floor

   
Maybe we'll work it out  
I gotta get better, gotta get better  
I gotta get better, gotta get better  
And maybe we'll work it out

 

We don't talk about it  
It's something we don't do  
'Cause once you go without it  
Nothing else will do

 

Twenty minutes later, he crawled back into bed and slept like a princess.

 

 

 

The next day was the beginning of the ending of the trip. They all had breakfast together, but since it was three men with three hangovers, the conversation was rather limited. They just grunted words, like coffee or pain, but that was pretty much it. An hour later, the pupils and their three teachers arrived at the final destination of the trip: some kind of interactive museum about the First World War. They spent their morning there, and there were guides for every group so the three teachers split up again. A few hours later they had lunch, and then they all got back into the coach for the long drive back home. Louis slept for most of the ride, and so did Nick and Harry.

 

Harry and Louis did not really talk. Like, at all. Harry had a massive hangover, and was genuinely incredibly embarrassed. He smiled a few times at Louis, but that was pretty much it. Louis had a hangover as well, albeit less worse that Harry’s, and he just did not know what to say. He needed time to clear his head after the last two days, and it was just impossible to do that with Harry nearby and the constant pounding of his head. So, radio silence it was.

Nick did not seem to notice, and he did not mention it when they were back at school. In no time, all the pupils had been collected by their parents, and it was just the three of them again.

“Lads,” he started, “thanks so much for joining me on this trip. Only three days, but it feels like we’ve been away for weeks!”

“I don’t know if that’s a compliment or an insult,” Harry replied, frowning.

“It’s just a fact you weirdo. Don’t over analyse it.” Nick said, and he patted Harry on the back, “But really, thanks again man. I’ve always loved this trip, and it’s even more fun whenever you join us.”

“Ow, thanks Nick,” Harry cooed. Louis thought he looked like a child like that. You give Harry a compliment, and he literally grows taller. A cute child, but a child nonetheless.

“And you,” Nick turned towards Louis, “thanks so much for joining us at the very last minute. It means the world to me. It may sound like a boring trip, the Remembrance trip, but I think it’s super important that our kiddos know about this war.”

“Yeah, no, I totally understand. I learned a lot as well.”

“Really?” Nick asked.

“I mean, yeah. Interesting stuff.”

“I think so, yeah. I hope you had fun, and if you ever need help with anything school-related, just let me know. I owe you one.”

“No worries, it was my pleasure,” Louis admitted. “And I’ll keep it in mind. If I ever have a humongous pile of tasks to correct, I’ll give you a call.”

Nick just nodded, and put his backpack upon his shoulder.

“Cheers lads, but now I’m going home. Harry, Louis, I’ll see you.” Nick said excitedly as he started walking away. “Au revoir,” he yelled in his  best French accent.

“Au revoir,” Louis replied happily, and his French sounded a lot better. “Merci bien!” Nick turned around one more time, waved, and turned the corner. Harry and Louis were all alone now.

“Alone again,” Harry said.

“Naturally,” Louis replied, and they just looked at each other for a second. The silence thing of The Notebook crossed his mind once more.

“So,” Harry started, and he stood awkwardly with his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah, so,” Louis said, for lack of anything else to say.

Here they were, two English teachers, who were constantly harassing their pupils with the importance of eloquence, why they needed to read long texts, and the purpose of variety in their language, asking them to work with synonyms, but now the two of them did not have any words.

It was a bit ironic, really. Louis couldn’t help but smile.

A honk in the beginning of the street startled him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah, that’s my ride,” Louis said when he saw Niall’s car stopping on the pavement.

“So, you’re leaving?” Harry asked, as if this was the worst thing ever.

“Well-spotted Sherlock! I’m going home,” Louis said cheerily. Despite the awesome trip, his headache still lingered and he was really looking forward to sleeping in his own bed.

“So, no more talking? But I thought you said,” Harry pleaded, but Louis interrupted him immediately.

“I know what I said. But not now Harry. We just spent three days together. Now we both need some time-off,” Louis said. And this was absolutely true. He needed to see whether his feelings for Harry had just been strengthened by his constant presence, and if these feelings would go away as quickly as they’d arrived three days ago.

Also, Niall was there, and he wouldn’t forgive him if he left him sitting in the car for Harry. Niall was pretty much a hardcore anti-Harry fan club on his own these days.

“Please don’t go,” Harry tried, one more time.

“Please don’t beg,” Louis said, and he got into the car.

“How did it go with Harry? He didn’t play any of those douche tricks on you, did he? Do I need to go and tell him to leave you alone?”

“God no, just take me home,” Louis sighed, all the while trying to ignore Harry’s pleading looks from outside the car.  

“I love it when you talk dirty to me,” Niall replied, and he gave Louis a wink.

Yeah, see, that’s why the two of them were such good mates.

 

 

One hour later, Louis had emptied his bags and he was in bed, playing on his mobile. He was actively trying to distract himself from Harry.

He wanted to text Harry so badly.

Since he’d arrived at home, Harry had been the only thing on his mind. Niall had tried to get him to talk about the trip, but Louis had told him it simply had been fine, and that he was going to bed.

He couldn’t stop thinking about Harry.

Harry’s look on the pavement when he was leaving.

Harry’s look at his door last night.

Harry’s look after Nick’s compliment.

Harry’s look when they sat together in the hotel bar.

Harry’s look when he was sleeping in the coach.

But mostly, the first one kept on returning. Harry’s look while standing on the pavement when Louis was leaving. It was just a look, no words. There’s this cliché for a reason: one look says more than a thousand words. Harry was so disappointed that Louis had just left. That the two of them hadn’t spoken. That they hadn’t resolved anything.

He’d been pretty sure that he was making the right decision though. Some time and space after those three pretty full-on days together would be a good idea. His feelings had been ignited again, and he needed some time apart. It sounded like a really good idea.

But now… He wasn’t so sure any more.

He’d been apart from Harry for about three hours. Pretty much the entire time his thoughts had been about Harry. That had to count for something as well, right?

He’d thought about talking to Niall about his issue, but he wouldn’t understand. He’d remind him about the times when Harry had hurt him so badly, and he just wouldn’t get it. He wouldn’t get him. And, Niall had left about ten minutes ago to go on a date. It was Friday evening after all.

So, who was there to talk to about this?

Maybe he could text Nick, to ask him whether he’d noticed anything strange going on between the two of them during the trip. But, Nick was Harry’s friend first and foremost, so he’d probably tell Harry as soon as Louis texted him. No go.

He could text one of his sisters. Then again, as massive romcom lovers their advice was pretty much useless. They always said something like ‘it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all’, or ‘follow your heart’. That would  be their advice for sure, some lame cliché.

He wished he could talk to his mum. She was always so awesome when it came to advice, and ever since she died two years ago, he’d never found anyone just as wise and sweet as his mum.

And then it hit him.

His mum was gone. He missed her enormously, but he couldn’t text her or anything. She was gone, forever.

Harry was here though. Just one the other side of the city. He missed him as well, and he could easily text him.

His mum was dead, and he missed her. There was nothing he could do about that. But Harry… That was a situation that he could still solve, that he could still take care of.

And just like that, his mum, even though not around, had given him advice again. He smiled, and whispered ‘thanks mum’ as he opened up his Whatsapp conversation with Harry.

**You still up?**

He watched his screen, and he saw that Harry was typing.

**Yup. Cant sleep.**

A first message appeared, and Harry was still typing. Louis waited, and a few seconds later a second message followed.

**Keep thinking about everything I said and did. Still want to talk to u.**

Then Harry was still typing, so Louis waited again. But, just a bit later, the typing status disappeared, and no message came. It seemed as if Harry had changed his mind about the last message. So basically, it was Louis’ time to talk. He stared at the screen, wondering what to reply.

**Me 2**

Yup. He’d been thinking about texting Harry for a full hour non-stop, and this was the eloquent reply that he came up with. A true mastermind with words he was, Louis Tomlinson.

Niall wasn’t home, so this was actually a good time to talk. He made up his mind, and sent the text before he could change his mind.

**Come over? We can talk at my place.**

The reply came within five seconds.

**On my way** **J**

And then, just about five seconds later, the doorbell rang.

It couldn’t be… It couldn’t be Harry, could it? Who would it be on a Friday night? Louis jumped out of bed and pressed the intercom button.

“Hello?” Louis asked, genuinely curious as to who was standing at the door.

“Yeah, it’s me,” Harry said apologetically.

“What the hell? How are you here already?” Louis asked, a bit confused, impressed and equally creeped out by the fact that it was indeed Harry standing downstairs.

“Yeah, I’m a teacher during the week but The Flash during weekends,” Harry admitted with a note of mischief in his voice.

“Come on up, you loser,” Louis chuckled and he pressed the button. He could hear the door opening below, and all of the sudden he was hit by nerves.

Harry was here already. What on earth was he going to say?

He hadn’t really decided if he had changed his mind upon the whole ‘getting-over-Harry-because-he-is-a-selfish-twat’ idea just yet. He just knew that he couldn’t stop thinking about him. When he’d sent the text to come over, he’d assumed he’d still have at least about an hour to mentally prepare himself before Harry would arrive. If he would come at all. No such luck, apparently.

Yeah, let’s just play it cool.

Harry walked in with a smile upon his face.

Ah, most beautiful smile ever. That smile alone made it hard to play it cool. Yet, he knew how to act. He was a teacher after all.

“So, explain yourself mate. This is kind of creepy,” Louis demanded sternly, standing ever so coolly with his hands on his hips.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said yesterday. About how we needed to talk. And then you just left. I mean, I don’t know, I just found myself outside of your flat all of the sudden.”

“I don’t know what to think of that. Impressive, or scary?”

“I mean… How about a bit of both?” Harry asked innocently.

“Good idea,” Louis said, and he walked into the kitchen area. “You want a drink, or something to eat?”

“No. I just want to talk, to be honest. Like, for real,” Harry replied, and his face was all serious again. He managed to look innocent, hopeful, and gorgeous at the same time. He was simply breath-taking, and every coherent thought seemed to evaporate out of Louis’ mind.

“Ah, screw this,” Louis said, and he strode across the room and kissed Harry.

Harry’s face changed in the two seconds it took Louis to close the gap between them, going from innocent to surprised to extremely pleased in a heartbeat.

The two of them kissed, and again Louis’ mind went blank.

Harry’s hands were on his cheeks, and Louis felt it. He felt how much Harry cared as well, and how this kiss meant something.

Kissing Harry felt like coming home. It had been amazing to kiss on top of Primrose Hill, yet this was even better somehow. It felt livelier. Better. Stronger. Whatever Kanye had been singing about. He didn't remember what he had been stressing about. All he cared about were his lips on Harry's. 

They kissed, and Louis dared to open his eyes, and he saw that Harry’s eyes were closed, but that he was smiling. Louis couldn’t help but chuckle, and Harry’s lips disappeared from his.

“What’s so funny about this?” Harry asked, still ever so close to Louis’ face.

“Nothing. I’m just happy,” Louis admitted, and he kissed Harry again.

“Yeah, me too,” Harry mumbled in between kisses, “although I really came here just to talk.” Harry kissed Louis’ nose, and took a step back. His face changed into the serious teacher face once more. “I just want to keep on kissing you, but I’ve got to stop.”

“Please don’t,” Louis pleaded, and he took a step forward. Then he waited in front of Harry’s face, and gave him a cheeky smile. Harry’s serious expression disappeared in an instant, and he kissed Louis again.

Heaven.

**Author's Note:**

> The poem... is a song by none other than Niall Horan. I mean, Flicker it just an awesome album, right?
> 
> I'm so nervous about this type of story, all consisting of short little extracts... feel free to comment, really, because I'm still working on the ending!


End file.
